Open your mind, Adi. It doesn't sound that bad if you just stop thinking how sinful it is! You guys made out because you love each other! You guys can be heated lalo na't kayong dalawa lang ang magkasama!
Wait. We love each other?
"About... that day?" I said in a low voice, wishing for Larry to at least divert his attention from me because he's staring intently at me as if he's ready to take any word that will come from my mouth.
He gave me a soft small smile and moved me above him so we can see each other properly. "You seemed anxious and tensed that time. Akala ko may nagawa na akong... mali"
I pouted and my cheeks immediately heated thinking about the way he interpret my reaction that time. "It seems like that pero... it feels foreign lang kasi"
He hummed, accepting my sentiments. "And? What do you feel about it?"
Namula ako at nanlalaki ang mga matang nakatingin sa kaniya. What? He wants me to tell what I felt about it? Oh gosh! Ni isipin nga lang ay nahihirapan na akong tanggapin tapos sabihin pa sa kaniya?
Napansin niyang hindi ako naging komportable doon kaya bahagya niya akong inalis sa gilid niya at natira na lamang ang hita ko sa ibabaw niya. Hinanap niya ang kamay ko at mabilis niyang isinaklop sa kaniya. "If you're comfortable to tell me about it. I can help you to overcome your curiosity and doubts about it..."
What he said was heart-warming but it kind of has a double meaning. I don't think what he means about overcoming my curiosity about it means we'll do it more often, right?
Inalala ko ang pag-uusap namin ni Alliana noon.
Larry is older than me and just like what Alliana said, he's more mature and knowledgable than I am so I should trust him. Afterall, siya lang naman din ang pinagkakatiwalaan ko sa mga bagay na bago sa akin.
"Well, I..." ngumuso ako at sinalubong ang mga mata niyang taimtim na naghihintay. "I feel weird? In a good way, though!"
He chuckled softly and nodded. "That's good, then"
I blinked. "Good? I also felt... giddy in some way. Like, your touch and kisses... I don't want you to stop doing them..." napakagat ako ng labi para pigilan ang ngising nagbabadya sa labi.
It just sounds so weird to talk about it!
Naramdaman ko ang kamay ni Larry sa aking pisngi. He held my face up so I can look at him directly. My insides churn seeing how Larry looks so sexy without even trying. Hindi ko alam kung ang inner demons ko ang nagdidikta sa akin para makita ang kakaibang pahiwatig ng kaniyang namumungay na mga mata.
"I guess you liked it?"
I nodded, still pursing my lips.
"Do you... want to do it again? Do you want to feel what you felt again so you know when to stop if ever I crossed the line?" he drawled, voice dripping mischievously.
Nagpigil ako ng tawa at taas noo siyang tinignan. I gazed at him with the same mischievous look he gave me as I put my hand on his nape; tapping my fingers teasingly. "Can I lie?"
He smirked and gripped my thighs as he removed himself from my egg shape sofa along with me who squealed when he carried me in bride-style. "Lying doesn't work on me, Adi"
I bit my lips when he finally went on top of me as my arms were still hanging on his neck. "Well, I want it, again, Larry. I want you, again"
Tumaas ang isa niyang kilay. "Too naughty" he teases and began to kiss me.
I love being with Larry but it goes the same way with the girls. Whenever we bond, I feel like we're family already. Our girly talks, pamper days, sometimes philosophical talks about life, and all the crazy things we've done without the boys knowing.
Pero mahirap pa rin talaga kapag may hindi magkakaayos sa magkakaibigan. Art and Alliana's misunderstanding is affecting me more than I should be. Their relationship is what I've been admiring before because of how mature and patient they are with each other. Kaya kahit ako, hindi ko sila maintindihan. Bakit kailangan pa nilang magkasakitan? Bakit kailangan pa nilang pahirapan ang mga sarili kung pwede namang mag-ayos na lang?
Then it dawned on me after everyone fell asleep after Lomi's birthday where we all celebrate it with him. Alam kong nasamahan na rin ng ininom naming alak ang aking sistema kaya naman nakapagbuhos ako ng sentimento at emosyon kay Larry noong nakita ko ang basang mukha ni Alliana na galing sa pag-iyak.
Antok man ako, ginising ako ng aking isipan noong maalala ang pagtakbo ni Alliana pagkatapos nilang maghalikan ni Art.
Dahil ako ang katabi niya, nasilip ko ang mukha niyang basa ng luha.
"They're my friends. I also feel hurt. They were just so in love and happy with each other then biglang magiging ganoon sila kalamig sa isa't isa? What's worse is that Art is not even treating her the same way she does!" I said, frustrated and hurt because of the two.
Larry hushed me and kissed my head as he continues to console me. "Just let them be, Adi. They'll find a way to get back with each other"
Tiningala ako siya at inilingan. "Bakit kailangan pang magsakitan? They both don't deserve it! They just love! Bakit kailangang masaktan?"
Larry smiled softly and kissed my forehead. "It happened already, Adi. Well, maybe, it's part of love. Hindi naman talaga maiiwasan sa relasyon ang pag-aaway at hindi pagkakaintindihan. Don't stress yourself, hmm?"
Suminghot ako. "But why?"
He chuckled as if getting amused at my curiosity. "That's how a relationship works, Adi. It gives you obstacles to see if you could overcome them."
"And?" kunot-noo kong sabi.
"And, kung malampasan man nila, pinakita nilang kayang-kaya nilang lumaban at patatagin ang samahan nila. It goes like that. In the end, love still wins." he smiled.
I stilled. Then later realize how it really goes. How love can affect people, how it strengthens them, and how it makes a heart beat fondly with the right one. How powerful it is to make a person change and fight for their rights to make their heart heal again.
To know is to fathom its origin. Or more likely, to begin having it with someone who's as keen and ready to experience every bit of its inadequate pieces of bliss and hatred with you.
To be honest, I didn't expect that love can be this hard. Well, maybe, it gets hard depending on how you handle it or what kind of person are you.
For me, the love that I have for Larry is something I could still grasp and understand thanks to his undying reciprocity of it. The way he helps me get familiar with the new things I encounter is the thing that I admire the most about him. His patience and leniency towards me kindle my appreciation and love for him more. He's just simply perfect.
With every step, he's holding me, making sure I won't fall into a pit of self-disappointment and distress; With every triumph, we're both in ecstacy; With every up and down, he's there to be the one to pull us both from below.
He's basically the anchor of our relationship: the one who keeps it steady with every wave that comes on crashing on us.
But to balance it out, I'm the waves.
"Does she really needs to call you EVERY NIGHT?" I said sarcastically, not sounding too bitter because I just know I'm wrong but I'm valid!
Alliyah is just infuriating by just her mere existence! There's something in her having such a "maria claria" decency. She looks fake! And the way he fawns over my boyfriend? Too doubtful to believe that they're just friends!
Larry, being the patient he is, explains himself in an almost Layman's terms way. "That's her only free time, Adi. We're talking about school work, I promise. We're talking about her OJT on Tito Rio's company."
I scowled and folded my arms. "Sa school? Hindi ba kayo nagkakausap tungkol doon? Is she that desperate to flirt with someone's boyfriend?" I rolled my eyes as I said those words with so much disgust.
Kumunot na ang noo ni Larry. Probably discerning my bratty attitude, again. "It's not right to talk badly about someone, Adi. Lalo na't kaibigan ko"
Now, that caught my attention. Kaibigan? So mas papanigan niya ang kaibigan niya? "So, you're choosing her over me?" I intentionally dripped my voice with sadness.
Larry sighed and shook his head. "It's not like that, Adi. What I'm saying here is that you called her desperate without even acknowledging her reasons why she has to call me. And I told you, she's a friend. Gaya nila Jerome at Ruzelle"
I rolled my eyes again. "Your 'friends' who disrespected me"
"That was a long time ago, Adi. They already apologized to you, right?"
Bumagsak ang balikat ko but I composed myself immediately. Kahit na! They still pisses me off. Lalo na si Alliyah! And it doesn't help the fact that she and Larry was once a thing before! Kahit na ba matagal nang natigil bago pa ako, may possibilities na may feelings pa rin sila sa isa't isa!
Nanatili akong nakahalukipkip at nakasimangot. Larry sighed and sat on my bed. He pulled me towards him hanggang sa nakapagitan na ako sa nakabuka niyang mga hita. He's still holding my hands.
"Are you doubting me?" he asked softly.
Well, yeah! Kaduda-duda naman kasi!
"Hmm... how about this. I'll let you answer my phone when someone calls. Si Alliyah pa o kung sino. Are you okay with that?"
Lalo akong sumimangot. E 'di nawalan siya ng privacy! Tsaka, what if it's personal at hindi dapat malaman ng iba?
"No. Ayoko no'n. I just want that girl to stop acting as if she's that important to be accommodated in after-school hours!" I gritted my teeth.
He finally sighed: an indicacy that he concedes defeat in this argument. "Okay, then. If that's how you see and feel about her, I respect it."
My frown disappeared and got replaced with a satisfied smile. "I don't like her getting involve in our relationship. I don't like her" may diin kong sabi.
It's not that I love taking control of Larry pero parang ganoon na nga. I mean, that's the least I can do to help us not to complicate things. Para wala nang away na magaganap o hindi pagkakaintindihan! I hate not being in good terms with the people I love.
Last week before ang semestral break. Dahil nga kapwa mga Grade 11 na sila Maye, Leticia, at Lomi, sa kanila ako madalas nakasama kahit na ahead ako sa kanila ng isang taon. Kami na lang naman ang senior high at college na ang ibang mga kaibigan.
And of course, being with them means I'll get to be included in their circle. Na kasama ang dati kong naging muntik na manliligaw.
"Lance, 'wag sabi si Adi! Lagot ka sa'kin!" Lomi, who's been the protective best friend he is to me whenever his friend (who also became my friend), Lance, tries to flirt with me.
Umakbay sa akin si Lance at pabiro pa akong idinikit sa kaniya na itinawa ko na lang. "Hindi ko naman nilalandi si Adi, ah? Tsaka, we're friends. Right, Adi?" Silip sa akin ni Lance.
I smiled. "Of course. I'm okay with that. 'Wag mo lang akong hahalikan" biro ko na ikinahalakhak niya at ni Heidian na nabuga pa ang kinakain.
We're at the student's park sa school. Dito, pwedeng magpalipas oras ang mga estudyante o 'di kaya'y kainan. Lahat naman pwede rito lalo na't malawak at maraming mga batong mesa at upuan sa ilalim ng mga puno.
Dito kami madalas magsipwesto kapag recess o 'di kaya'y free time.
Ria, who's on my side and Ayessa side, chuckles to my joke, too. "Adi's humor is my favorite. Ayoko na ng kay Ayessa eh" aniya.
Sinamaan naman siya ng tingin ni Ayessa na tahimik na kumakain sa tabi ni Ivan na ngayo'y nakikipag-usap kay Leticia ng kung ano mang kalokohan dahil iyon lang naman lagi ang usapan nila.
Si Lomi na patuloy pa rin sa pakikipagbangayan kay Lance tungkol sa panghaharot nito sa akin ay nakaupo sa mesa sa gilid ni Leticia. Nakakagulat nga at hindi sila ang nagbabangayan ngayon eh.
Tahimik kong kausap si Ria dahil hindi na namin kaya pang sabayan ang ingay ng mga kasama namin kaya halos magbulungan na lang kami sa pag-uusap.
"Your vitamins?" Tukoy ko nang muntik na siyang magligpit ng gamit.
Para pa siyang nagulat at natigilan sa akin. I smiled carefully at her and held her shoulders. "I observe you a lot. How many weeks?" Bulong ko, tinutukoy ang kaniyang tiyan.
Namula si Ria at nginitian din naman ako kalaunan. "I didn't know you would know..."
"Now, I know" bulong ko at humagikgik.
Pasimple niyang hinawakan ang tiyan. "Almost 5."
I smiled at her. "So after nitong semestral break, home schooled ka na?"
Ngumuso siya. "Yeah"
"I'll visit you often."
She smiled at me. "You're nice, Adi. I really wanted to befriend you guys lalo na't madalas na bukang bibig nila Maye at Leticia kayong magkakaibigan. I just hope they don't... Judge me"
Umiling ako at bahagyang natawa. "No, they won't! My cousins and our friends are nice. Baka nga mainggit pa sila 'pag nalaman nila eh" pagpapagaan ko ng loob niya.
Tumango siya at bumalot ang tuwa sa mukha. I don't really know what's her story lalo na't nitong pasukan lang namin siya nakilala. She's Maye's brother's girlfriend.
I remembered seeing her he first time. Kahit na nakaschool uniform, she looks mature and seductive for her age. But after knowing that she's already 18 and has an American blood from her grandparents, hindi na ako nagtaka kung bakit mukha siyang mature sa itsura.
After ng recess, sinamahan na nila ako sa room lalo na't madadaan naman sila sa building namin bago makarating sa kanila.
"4 pa ang tapos namin ngayon. You guys can go without me--" hindi pa man ako tapos, pinutol na ako ni Heidian.
Nilagay niya ang hintuturo sa aking labi at hinawakan ang aking braso. "Hep hep hep. Hindi kami aalis hangga't hindi namin kasama ang prinsesa." akala mo'y isang butler niyang sabi at nagbow pa.
Natawa naman ako sa kaniyang biro. Heidian is literally the weirdest of them all. I thought he's quiet because he looks like he's not that type to joke around. Pero kabaliktaran pala. They're all flirt but he's a weird flirt. Hindi ko nga alam kung paanong may nahuhulog sa weird at corny niyang panghaharot sa mga babae.
"'Wag ka muna papakidnap kay Larry mamaya, Adi!" biro ni Leticia.
Kinawayan ko naman sila pagkaalis nila.
Madalas kasi after school ay susunduin ako ni Larry para lumabas o kaya magsama-sama kaming mga magpipinsan. Pero kapag naman nagkaroon kami ng lakad nila Lance ay kung saan-saan din kami nakakarating. Lalo na noong sumapit ang christmas season. Maraming mga music festivals kaming napupuntahan kahit na sa malalayong lugar. All the boys naman have their own cars pero ang madalas gamitin na sasakyan ay kay Lomi dahil si Lomi lang naman ang madalang magsasakyan. 
Tamad magdrive si Lomi kaya ayaw niyang ginagamit ang sasakyan. Ginagamit lang niya yata 'yon kapag pumupunta siya kila Leticia.
Kaming mga senior highs ang madalas magkakasama lalo na't iisang campus lang. Sila Paige kasi ay college na kaya sila ang madadalas magkakasama sa campus nila! I'm fine with both naman since kapag weekends ay kami ang magkakasama sa bahay nila Kuya Crane.
Kuya Crane and Euna got engaged last October 31. After umuwi ng mga Alfanta mula bakasyon, Kuya Crane proposed to Euna. Euna got so emotional after that lalo na noong makita niyang naroon ang buong pamilya niya.
I'm really glad that they both still find a way to be with each other after what happened to them. Another proof that love can really give light to everyone. 
She's still hurting every time she remembers her best friend. Aniya pa nga'y sana man lang daw ay nawitness ni Olivia ang pinakamasayang pangyayari sa buhay niya noong gabing iyon. 
Gabi noong nakauwi kami mula sa isang hot air baloon music festival kasama ang aking friend group number 2. I honestly had fun with them lalo na't nagsisakay rin kami ng hot air baloon. It's Heidian's birthday kaya naman sinulit namin ang dala niyang cash na naubos din kaya napilitan siyang magwithdraw.
Wala lang kay Heidian ang nagastos niyang 70k. He's a Del Mundo at baka nga barya lang sa kaniya iyon. Anak siya ng Vice Mayor ng lugar namin. He's Zillah, Alliana's friend, cousin. Isa ring Del Mundo na ang tatay naman ay ang Mayor ng lugar namin. Si Ricko Del Mundo na minsan ko nang narinig kila Mommy.
"Kung gusto mong puntahan si Kuya, punta ka na lang sa'min" si Lomi nang lumabas siya ng sasakyan para ihatid ako sa loob.
I nodded and thanked him. "It's already midnight. Bukas na lang at magsasama-sama rin naman tayo" sabi ko at ngumiti.
Lomi smiled at me endearingly. Para bang may iniisip pa ngunit tumango na lang siya at hinawawakan ako sa balikat. "Mahal mo naman si Kuya, 'di ba?"
Nagulantang ako sa tanong ni Lomi at hilaw na nangiti. His question is so sudden ah! 
"Well, you can say that" nangingiti kong sabi.
He hummed and nodded. "Buti naman. Mahal ka na rin no'n eh"
Namula naman ako sa sinabi ni Lomi at hindi nakasagot agad sa gulat. I mean, alam ko naman at nararamdaman ko namang mahal ako ni Larry pero hindi pa namin nasasabi iyon sa isa't isa directly. 
Lomi chuckled deeply and stepped back and waved goodbye. "Mauna na kami! Hatid lang namin 'tong dalawang takas hahaha"
I chuckled and waved goodbye, too.
Sabado at hindi na bago ang aming pagj-jogging ngayong umaga sa subdivision. Kaming mga babae lamang dahil ayaw muna namin magpaistorbo sa mga magpipinsan. Paniguradong hindi kami makakapag-jogging nang maayos dahil mga siraulo pa naman sila.
Medyo malayo ang bahay nila Ayessa sa mga Alfanta pero nasa iisang subdivision lang din naman sila. Malawak ang subdivision kaya naman sulit na rin ang halos dalawang oras naming pag-ikot at napag-usapan na ring kila Ayessa magpahinga dahil gusto rin naming makita si Ria.
Pagbukas pa lang ni Ayessa ng gate ay mabilis siyang sinalubong ng tumatahol at tumatakbo na si Dos, ang aso niyang golden retriever. Tumalungko naman ako sa tabi ni Ayessa at hinimas din si Dos. Gusto ko mang itogn yakapin, pawis ako at paniguradong didikit sa akin ang balahibo nito.
"Gising naman na sana ang babaitang iyon noh?" si Paige na nauuna nang maglakad paakyat sa hagdan ng bahay nila Ayessa patungo sa second floor.
"Hoy, teka baka tulog pa si Kuya!" habol sa amin ni Ayessa nang makarating na kami sa tapat ng pinto ng kwarto ni Ria.
Namula si Paige. "Oh, I forgot they're... together"
We laughed. Nagtungo naman kaming lahat sa sala sa second floor habang hinihintay si Ayessa na pumasok sa kwarto ng kuya niya. Lahat kami ay kapwa nagpapahinga dahil talagang pagod kami sa kakatakbo kanina. Ngunit hindi matuloy-tuloy dahil binuksan ni Leticia ang nangyaring paghabol sa amin ng aso kanina.
"Labradors are big dogs! God, kung hindi ba naman siraulo 'tong isang 'to" Si Paige na akmang hahatakin ang buhok ni Leticia nang mabilis itong umiwas at yumakap kay Alliana na nakasimangot nang tinulak si Leticia.
Leticia laughed hysterically. "Gwapo naman 'yung may ari ah! At least, tinulungan tayo" 
Sumali ako sa pagpapantasya ni Leticia. "I agree. I even saw how he checked out Alliana" natatawa kong sabi.
"Oh? May pang-asar na ulit kayo kay Art" si Euna na sinamaan ng tingin ni Alliana.
Alliana snickered and stood up. "Kabanda ni Lyle 'yon" aniya.
Mabilis pa sa kidlat ang pagliwanag ng mukha ni Leticia. "Talaga?! Omg, anong pangalan? Ipagpapalit ko na si Lomi!"
Nangiwi si Alliana kay Leticia. "He's 15 for God's sake, Leticia" tsaka kami iniwan dahil kukuha raw siya ng tubig.
Nagtawanan kami nang malaglag ang panga ni Leticia at madramang nahulog sa sahig. Tinampal naman agad siya ni Paige.
"Kaedad nila Annie. Bigay mo na sa kanila 'yon at wala ka rin namang pag-asa" Paige smirked.
"Age doesn't matter!" laban ni Leticia.
Ilang sandali pang inilaban ni Leticia ang karapatan niyang magustuhan ang lalaking iyon. Nakalabas na rin si Maye pero hindi pa siya bumabangon sa sahig.
"Oh, 'nong nangyari sa berat na 'yan?" si Maye nakapameywang na sa gilid namin.
I smirked. "Gustong ipagpalit si Lomi sa lalaki kanina"
Tumaas ang isang kilay ni Maye. "Basta makakita lang ng gwapo, ipagpapalit mo agad si Lomi? Kaya ka hindi sinasagot eh"
Nakasimangot na tumayo si Leticia at lumapit sa akin. Ikinawit agad ang kamay sa braso ko at itinayo na rin ako mula sa sofa. "Ginaganyan mo ako ah. Si Adi na talaga ang best friend ko. Hmp" pabirong taray niyang sabi at pumunta na kami sa kwarto ni Ria.
Hindi naman sa curious ako pero hindi ko rin kasi talagang maintindihan minsan ang gustong mangyari ni Leticia. Kung nagbibiro lang ba siya o ano.
"Are you just joking or ipagpapalit mo talaga si Lomi?" natatawa kong bulong sa kaniya.
Leticia grinned at me and shook her head. "Hindi, noh! Love ko si Lomi. Hindi ko na pagpapalit 'yun!" 
Napangiti naman ako. "Akala ko talaga eh"
Nginisihan niya ako bago humawak sa door knob ng pinto ng kwarto ni Ria. "Si Lomi lang sapat na sa'kin noh" tsaka siya humagikgik.
I smiled to myself. I'm a witness to how genuine my friends are to love. No reluctance, just pure and indisputable feelings.