Even though my summer isn't complete since my sister is not around, I have Alliana naman with me. She's like my best friend already if only Art wouldn't be too possessive with her that he always wants her by his side every time!
"Magd-date kami ng bebe ko!" Si Art na yakap-yakap na si Alliana mula sa pagkakahatak nito sa akin.
I scowled. "Can you stop being such a baby, Art? Alliana needs a friend like me!" Pakikipagtalo ko naman sa pinsan habang nakahalukipkip.
Noong nakaraan nga na nakasama ko si Alliana ay wala pa man kaming ilang oras na magkasama ay sumulpot na agad siya!
Naiiling na natatawa si Alliana. Binelatan naman ako ni Art at lalong isiniksik sa kaniya si Alliana. "Ako 'yung boyfriend! Package na ako! Jowa at kaibigan!"
I rolled my eyes. Art is so maarte ba. Akala mo naman may aagaw pa sa kaniya kay Alliana.
But still, at the end, Alliana will choose Art over me.
"Patutulugin ko lang" pabirong bulong sa akin ni Alliana nang hatakin na siya ni Art sa kwarto nito.
Ako naman itong naiwan sa sofa nila Art kasama si Kuya Shan na natutulog.
Gusto ko man asarin si Kuya Shan, wala rin naman akong panalo rito! Mauuwi lang sa panenermon sa akin at kung ano-anong pang-a-away gaya ng ginagawa niya sa kapatid ko.
Kaysa naman umuwi ako sa amin at magmukmok dahil walang kausap, nagtiis na lang akong kasama ang natutulog na si Kuya Shan habang nanonood sa TV nila art ng isang crime documentary sa netflix.
Hindi ko rin naman mapuntahan si Lomi dahil lagi na siyang busy! Almost the whole summer yata ay hindi ko man lang siya nakabond. But after knowing that he's with Leticia this summer lessens the doubt I have for him because I thought he doesn't treat me as his friend anymore!
Mukhang nagkakamabutihan naman na si Leticia at Lomi which is good! They like each other so It's okay for me to distance myself a bit from Lomi. I'm his best friend so of course, I would understand.
Larry and I still go out every now and then but of course, he still has responsibilities aside from me. Alam kong nagsisimula pa lang akong intindihan siya at respetuhin na hindi naman sa lahat ng oras ay dapat magkasama kami.
He still has his own social life kahit na ba hindi ko pa kayang tanggapin ang kaniyang mga kaibigan. They still pisses me off everytime.
Tsaka, hindi naman ako dehado. Tawagan ko lang si Larry na gusto ko kaming magsama or magdate, dadating agad siya. I'm still his priority so it doesn't matter if he's with his friends or whatsoever.
Kuya Shan woke up around 4 P.M. in the afternoon. Wala pa sa sarili at nakadapang nakayakap sa unan ng sofa. Hindi ko naman siya pinansin at nanatiling nakatutok sa pinapanood.
"Buti't hindi ka nakadikit sa boyfriend mo?"
Napasulyap ako sa kaniya. Nakatingin siya sa akin. Tumaas ang isa kong kilay. "He's got errands" I said, making him shot his brows this time.
"Ba't 'di ka nagmamaktol?"
I grimaced at his remark. "Why should I?"
He deadpanned me. "Nu'ng nakaraan lang nagraratrat ka kay Alliana kung gaano ka naiinis doon sa Alliyah at ayaw mong paalisin ang boyfriend mo tapos ngayon, mabait ka na?"
Mahina akong natawa kay Kuya Shan. Hindi ko alam kung bitter pa talaga 'to or hindi niya alam ang salitang pagbabago? He's a genius naman sana?
"Bawal bang maging mabait?" I said sweetly.
Mukhang nainis na siya sa aking mga sagot dahil binato na niya ako ng unan. "Sagutin mo tanong ko hindi 'yung sasagutin mo ako ng tanong pabalik"
I laughed and said sorry. This is why I don't like being with Kuya Shan when he's not in love. Laging mainit ang ulo kapag hindi nakukuha ang kaniyang inaasahang sagot mula sa ibang tao. Kapag kasi in love siya, kahit walang sense 'yung tinatanong sa kaniya, sasagutin niya pa rin 'yon philosophically. Kahit katangahan o hindi naiintindihan 'yung sinasabi ng isang tao, naiintindihan niya pa rin at na-i-f-form niya into a better statement.
Just like what happened noong minsan kaming nagtalo ni Art tungkol sa sabon na nalaglag sa sahig. He keeps on insisting that the floor is clean because the soap cleans it which I oppose because obviously, the soap is dirty because it fell on the floor.
"Soap is a cleaning agent kaya malilinis niya ang sahig!" si Art.
Umiling ako. "The soap doesn't clean the floor immediately. The floor surely have bacterias! So it will contaminate the soap!"
Hindi nagpatalo si Art at tinawag ang kaniyang Kuya para ipaliwanag na ang aming hindi matapos-tapos na bangayan. Nakasimangot akong nakasandal kay Larry habang hinihintay na matapos si Art sa pagpapaliwanag kay Kuya Shan.
And there, Kuya Shan proves to us how gibberish our topic is.
"You didn't indicate in what context kasi it can be different in 4 contexts. Or maybe, more. Well, the first case is, malinis ang sahig. Kung nalaglag ang sabon at malinis ang sahig, no issue. Pangalawa, the floor is dirty. Of course, if the floor is dirty, the soap will get dirty and will therefore contaminate it ..." he looked at me as if that's the part that I'm trying to prove. "--But it doesn't mean that the soap can clean that spot immediately just because it falls onto that," he faced Art then continue his explanation. "Third is, the soap is dirty even before it fell and the floor was also dirty before it gets contaminated by the soap's dirtiness. Parehas mo ring lilinisin, 'di ba? And lastly, the soap is already dirty and the floor is clean. Of course, the soap's dirtiness will contaminate the floor."
Iba na ang usapan namin ni Art ngunit hindi pa napapansin ni Kuya Shan iyon at patuloy pa ang pag-e-explain.
"It just depends on the context and scenario. Paano naman kung ang kamay mo pala ang madumi? You cannot always get the exact answer if you don't even have the exact and precise question"
Natigil lang si Kuya Shan sa pagdaldal noong inabutan siya ni Larry ng isang lemon tart.
"Graduate na mga kausap mo samantalang ikaw, nagdedefense pa rin" biro ni Larry.
I thought he's in love that time kasi kapag in love lang naman siya pumapansin ng mga nonsense na usapan eh.
Matapos ang ilang segundong paninitig ni Kuya Shan para makita kung may tinatago ba ako ay nalipat na rin naman ang kaniyang atensyon sa aking pinapanood. He's just so nosy! Akala yata sinasakal ko lagi ang pinsan niya.
Maya-maya lang ay nagtext si Larry kung nasaan ako. I told him nakila Kuya Shan ako kaya naman wala pang ilang minuto ay dumating na agad ito.
Umakto siyang gulat nang makita na nakahilata si Kuya Shan sa tabing sofa na inuupuan ako. "Nakasurvive ka?" aniya habang papalapit sa akin.
I chuckled and pulled him to my side. "Almost" sabi ko at sabay kaming natawa dahil hinagisan kami ni Kuya Shan ng unan.
Habang nanonood ay hindi namin maiwasang mapag-usapan ang nangyari sa mga pinsan niya. Nalaman ko lang din na kaya pala wala si Clane ay pumunta pala siya sa Manila! He stayed in Kuya Gab's condo in BGC.
He's probably getting back with Paige. I'm sure he wants to know the reason why Paige broke up with him not just because of the issue between our families. Hindi basta-basta naaapektuhan si Paige sa ganoon knowing how she loves Clane so much kahit na puro landian ang madalas kong makita sa kanila.
"I'm sad for Kuya Crane more..." I mentioned, making Kuya Shan join the conversation.
"Crane's doing better than his brother. But still, they're both fucked up" anito.
"Clane is doing great with Paige naman din. I called him kagabi" si Larry na ikinatango ko. I was with him when he called Clane para mangamusta.
Kuya Shan snickered. "Ewan ko na lang 'pag nagkita sila ng lalaki ni Paige"
Now, it's my time to appeal. It's not true! Hindi naman nanlalalaki si Paige! Sure, she's got a lot of boyfriend but one at a time! Hindi naman niya pinagsasabay-sabay ang mga 'yon.
"You're spreading fake news, Kuya Shan. Walang boyfriend si Paige!" Pagtatanggol ko sa kapatid.
"Galing mismo sa Tita Sarah mo 'yon, Adi" masungit nitong turan na lalong ikinasalubong ng kilay ko.
Why would Tita Sarah say such thing? Hindi naman niya magagawang gumawa ng kwento lalo na 'pag kay Paige!
"Pero galing mismo kay Paige ang sinasabi ko. She doesn't even know where it came from! Wala nga siyang kakilala na taga-Makati pwera sa mga kakilalang babaeng models!" Kalmado ngunit salubong pa rin na kilay kong sabi.
Kuya Shan scoffed at hindi na nagsalita. Ako naman itong naiinis kay Kuya Shan dahil hindi man lang niya magawang alamin muna ang lahat kay Paige bago niya ito husgahan! Akala mo hindi kami pinsan kung laging pagalitan.
"I hate Kuya Shan na" reklamo ko kay Larry nang makarating kami sa amin at nasa kwarto ko na.
I slumped on my bed with legs crossed. Nakapangalumbaba akong nakasimangot habang iniisip ang mga sinabi ni Kuya Shan kay Paige. I just hate how he always sees Paige as the villain!
"Gano'n lang talaga 'yon" si Larry na tumungo sa aking sliding door patungo sa teresa at binuksan iyon.
Nilingon ko siya. Ang aking dalawang kamay ay tumukod na sa aking gilid. "He can't be like that all the time! Alam ko namang mas close kayong magpipinsan but pinsan niya rin naman kami! Ang init ng dugo niya sa amin"
Nilingon ako ni Larry na binigyan ako ng maliit na kalmadong ngiti. "He cares for you"
Umirap ako. "Care my ass"
Natawa naman siya at bahagyang tinapik ang aking labi. Napatingin ako sa kaniya. Nakatukod ang kanang kamay niya sa aking gilid at patagilid na nakapahiga ang katawan sa aking harapan.
"Pabebe si Shan. Lagi niyang idinadaan sa salita ang malasakit niya. Not directly pero ipaparealize niya muna sa'yo ang mali mo bago ka niya i-comfort"
Kumibot ang aking labi at nagpakawala ng frustrated na hininga. "Just admit that he's an old-up-tight-bear" I muttered making him chuckle amusely.
He sighed while smiling as he leans against me. My heart stammered unexpectedly with his sudden move. Tumitig sa akin na akala mo'y natutuwa siya sa aking inaasal.
My cheeks furiously blushed that I am definitely sure he noticed it!
"Old-up-tight-bear agad? He's the same age as me so, gano'n din ako?" Panunuya niya.
Nagpipigil ang ngiti akong napatitig sa kaniya na akala mo'y naghahanap pa ng kung anong pwedeng itawag sa kaniya. "Nope. You're a sweet apple pie to me" I said sweetly and scrunched my nose.
He squints his eyes and pinched my nose. "You call me too sweetly. Or may I say, you're always sweet to me"
I jolted. "I'm naturally sweet ah!"
He hummed and held me down. "Yes, I know. You've been a good girl lately" he smirked.
"Then kung gano'n, you should give me a reward." I smirked, too.
Sa pagtaas pa lang ng sulok ng labi ko, alam ko na ang pinaparating ng kaniyang pagkatigil at madramang napailing. Akma ko siyang dadambahan nang hawakan niya ang bawat bisig ko at natatawang pinigilan ako.
"Come on! It's not like we're gonna have sex!" Natatawa kong sabi habang sinusubukan na siyang ibagsak sa kama at paibabawan siya ngunit malakas siya at napipigilan ako.
Nanlaki ang mata niya. "'Tong batang 'to, 'wag ka ngang maingay! Marinig ka pa sa labas!" He hissed making me laugh.
Halos hingalin naman kami kakatawa dahil sa pahirapan niyang pagpigil sa akin. I'm almost on top of him kung hindi niya lang ako biglang hinatak palapit sa kaniya at ako naman ang ibinagsak sa kama. I squealed when he did that.
Kapwa naman kami hinihingal na malaki ang mga ngiti habang magkatitigan. Ang kaniyang kamay ay nasa bawat bisig ko na; Pinning me against the bed as his right knee is already between my legs.
Namumula man dahil sa aming naging asaran, nagawa ko pa ring magbiro. "We're at the position na oh. Let's make out"
Pinaningkitan ako ng mata ni Larry at hindi pa rin ako binibitawan. "Do you even know how?"
I bit my lips then laughed. "Of course! Try me"
Dahan-dahan na siyang bumitaw sa akin at akmang aalis na sa aking ibabaw nang hatakin ko siya at halikan.
Agad kong iniyakap ang mga bisig sa kaniyang batok para mailapit siya lalo sa akin. I closed my eyes as I bite and moved my lips against his. Ang aking kaliwang kamay ay dahan-dahang umalis sa kaniya batok at hinaplos ang kaniyang leeg sa senswal na paraan patungo sa kaniyang dibdib at tiyan.
Naramdaman ko naman ang pagpipigil niya lalo na't yumukom na ang kaniyang kamao sa aking gilid. I smiled as I angled my head to kiss him better. My hand was about to go under his shirt when he caught it, just the same as if catch my pace and making him lead the kiss.
I knew he's going to give in eventually.
Halos hindi ko na nasundan ang aming ginagawa pero alam kong kanina pa umaalon ang aking tiyan at hindi na kami naghiwalay. Halatang pati siya ay ayaw na rin tumigil dahil halos ikawit na niya ang kaniyang paa sa akin.
Lagi ko siyang inaasar na maghalikan na kami kahit na gusto ko talaga. He would always dismiss it saying we're too young for that which I find quite absurd. Alam kong marami siyang alam at gustong gawin pero pinipigilan lang sa akin.
Kaya naman I just let us do the thing. Hindi ko inalis ang kamay sa kaniyang batok na halos lumalandas na rin sa kaniyang likod kapag nararamdamang humahaplos ang kaniyang kamay sa aking tiyan.
I feel like the shirt I'm wearing was nothing because I feel to bare against his touches. Kaya halos napapahalinghing ako kapag humahaplos ang kaniyang kamay sa aking hita.
"Babe..." I called him, almost panting when his lips went down to my neck. I would moan softly when he'll nip and suck it.
Bahagya siyang lumayo at tinignan ako. I look so flush and aroused. Halos maramdaman ko na rin ang kakaibang init sa aking katawan patungo sa aking ibaba.
I saw how he got back to himself. Guilt immediately gushed over his face but before I could even let him realize it further, I pulled by his neck and kiss him again.
I just smiled in satisfactory when he immediately kissed back and felt his hand slip under my shirt.
I gasped when his hand made a contact with my abdomen. Ganoon na lang din ang pagtaas ng balahibo ko nang pumailalim ang kaniyang kamay sa aking bra at dumapo sa aking dibdib. I arched when I felt his cold fingers touched my peaks, almost getting hard.
Lalo akong namula nang tumigil kami sa paghahalikan at tinignan ang kamay niyang gumagalaw sa aking dibdib. I felt so bare at halos hindi ko rin maipaliwanag ang kakaibang nararamdaman ko sa katawan. I feel like embarassed but don't want to stop either.
Nagkatinginan kami. Larry's lips were parted as if he could also feel the heat I'm feeling. My eyes were drowsy as he continue to circle his fingers on my peaks.
Naramdaman kong bumaba ang kaniyang kaliwang kamay patungo sa aking tiyan. Halo ang nararamdaman ko habang pinapanood si Larry na nakamasid lang din sa akin. His left hand that was already on my stomach slightly touches my hip under my pajama.
I shivered and my heart starts to boom. I feel like I'm anticipating something that makes me anxious, too. Hindi ko maintindihan pero ayaw ko rin namang tumigil.
I closed my eyes and closed my legs as if it'll help to ease the I'm feeling.
Larry immediately got alarmed to what I did. Umalis ang kamay niya sa ilalim ng aking damit at agad na inayos iyon. I felt him kissed my forehead and caged me inside him to hug me.
Napadilat naman ako at nagtaka dahil bakit tumigil siya. "L-larry..." Bulong ko sa kaniya.
"Fuck..." I heard him cursed softly before lifting his head up. He looks extremely guilty and sorry. "You seemed tensed earlier... I didn't mean to--"
Nanlaki ang mata ko. "N-no!" Tanggi ko agad sa maaaring iniisip niya. "I-it was okay! Siguro ay naninibago lang ako. It felt foreign... I was turned on?" I bit my lips.
Napatitig sa akin si Larry bago malalim na bumuntong hininga at hinatak ako paupo. I almost flinched when I felt something heated between my thighs.
Namumula akong tinignan si Larry na bumaba sa kama ko at tumungo sa teresa. I saw him put his hands at the back of his neck and looked up frustratingly.
Unti-unti kong naramdaman ang guilt sa aming ginawa. Para bang naging mali ang naiisip kong madalas kasama siya.
I mostly joked about us doing this thing because I thought it wasn't bad or whatsoever. But why do I feel like I just sinned a big time?
Napatitig ako sa suot kong pajama. Thinking that I'm not even wearing something revealing or something that would seduce Larry makes me feel... bewildered.
No... It simply means Larry isn't bothered with what I wear. Lagi ko pa naman siyang inaasar na magugulatin o nawawala siya sa huwisyo kapag hinahalikan.
Well, it was damn true.
"Adi..." I almost break a neck when he called me.
He looks apologetic when he went to me. "It's not that I'm... sorry to what happened but if it makes you uneasy, I'm sorry for that" he said sincerely, almost regretful with his tone.
I shook my head. "It just felt foreign but it was nice, Larry. I mean, gano'n naman siguro 'yon sa una? H-how about let's continue what we're doing?" I tried to console him.
Umawang ang labi niya at siya na mismo ang tumanggi. "It'll lead to sex, Adi" he said seriously, obvious that he knows what we just did.
Para naman akong kinilabutan sa sinabi niya. It's not that I'm scared about it but it just don't feel right doing that in our... Age. Or even with our relationship right now. Tsaka, nasa bahay ko pa kami. Bahay ng magulang namin.
It's disrespectful.
"Let's tidy up?" I suggested, making him smile faintly and pulled me up from my bed.
Naging palaisipan man sa akin ang nangyari sa amin ni Larry tuwing gabi, hindi ko maipagkakailang nagustuhan ko ang nangyari. Or what I felt during that, to be exact. Hindi man ako ignorante, nakakapanibago pa rin pala talaga lalo na kapag naroon ka na mismo.
Lagi rin naman akong ginagambala ng konsensya ko. Na maling magustuhan ko ang nangyari sa amin at ang nararamdaman ko.
Pero gusto kong patunayan na hindi naman mali ang nararamdaman ko. I just need to justify it by hearing some opinions and insights of other people who experienced the same as me.
At si Alliana ang malapit at tangi kong mapapagtanungan tungkol doon. Hindi ko magagawang ipaalam kila Mommy iyon! Nakakahiya.
Alliana and I talked about it. Hindi imposibleng wala silang gawin ni Art lalo na't madalas pa naman silang magkasamang dalawa. Art is conservative at maarte pero alam kong bumibigay din 'to kay Alliana.
Thankfully, she's very much open to talk about it.
"What you felt was normal. Nanibago ka pa lang talaga lalo na't hindi mo rin naman iyon marerealize after niyong gawin. I mean, you just... made out, right?" Maingat niyang sabi.
Namula ako at tumango. Alliana gave me a small smile. "That's fine. You guys are in a relationship naman at hindi talaga maiiwasan iyon. Kami nga ni Art, hindi rin naiiwasan iyon at minsan muntik pang lumalagpas" aniya at bahagyang natawa, siguro'y naalala ang tinutukoy.
I sighed and hugged her. "Thank you for enlightening me, Alliana. I thought I did something bad!"
Alliana pats my back and chuckled again. "Muntik na kayong lumagpas, noh?"
"Oo na..." I admitted.
She smirked. Parehas kaming natawa at napahinga nang maluwag.
Sabay pa kaming napabaling sa loob nang marinig ang malakas na tawag ni Art kay Alliana at maya-maya lang ay iniluwa na ng pinto ng kusina si Art. He's already marching towards us as he glares at me.
"Kinidnap mo na naman girlfriend ko!" Art accused me, making me gagged.
Inakbayan ni Art si Alliana at halos buhatin na si Alliana habang dinadala ito pabalik sa loob.
Nilingon ako ni Alliana. "Talk to him about it if you still feel bad" aniya.
I smiled and nodded. Looks like I need to lessen my naughtiness. We almost made a sin!