It's all started. I thought about several things that might happen. So far my views seem to be headed in one direction. This is more complicated than it actually is. To the point where I feel that all this is just in vain. Nothing new is enough to make me feel much better. To the point where I felt really dizzy. Seeing the ironic reality makes me believe that all this is not that easy. Despite trying to make it easy, in the end it all looks the same. Nothing is impossible and that's actually a word that I really can't believe. Of all the things, I found something quite confusing. My walks in this city were quite winning. It's just that I feel like I can't feel this crowd at all. Strangely enough, this actually came to me. Different from what other people felt, I imagined something was the same and it turned out it was all wrong. There is nothing more beautiful than what I see in other people. Now I understand this kind of condition. I don't know why I feel this hurts me so much. My mind, which was previously quite calm, slowly started to become confused. Until I couldn't stop myself. I had hoped to be fine. And it turned out not to be what I had previously imagined. I almost threw something. As far as I run, in reality everything is just an illusion. Nothing beautiful. Even I'm willing to bet. It's morning. Now I intend to continue my activities which were postponed yesterday. When I looked at the sky from behind my bedroom window, I felt quite happy because it was a very sunny day. It's no surprise that I feel this way. I never thought that I would also think that now is the time for me to do more things than before. But my head suddenly felt heavy. I took the medicine and then swallowed it. I think I'm slowly aging. No. I shouldn't say this. Until I was actually in that phase. Occasionally I also check some of my work that I made at that time. I feel like now I have a lot to show off. It's not strange that it feels like you're in a safe zone. I am more confident in my choice this time. Make art and then sell it. This is an activity that really takes a lot of energy. When the sun went down, I started taking photos of the scene and also made paintings with the same theme. Even though I didn't really like it, in the end I made it and even exceeded my expectations. As if I did all that from the bottom of my heart.
“Jeez, I forgot something,” I muttered and then picked up another color.
Today I intend to make a painting of the morning sun. I'm sure it's good enough to do that now. Apart from that, I also really hope for myself that right now I really have a lot of activities to do. Whatever it is, I have to do it. Until I didn't realize my hands had made a painting this morning and it was still in process. I remember initially feeling happy and excited about activities like this. It happened when I was little. Even though at that time I was in a village, I still dreamed of living an amazing life until I was finally here.
"Why did that memory even appear?" I muttered.
Every now and then I feel uncomfortable with past memories that arise. It kind of bothers me. I don't know why it keeps coming. I almost got annoyed and then stopped my painting activities. Because I felt uncomfortable, I drank a glass of water to try to get rid of my nervousness. But it can't be lost either. After that I took my cellphone and when I looked there were lots of notifications. After I saw this again, they were the ones who invited me to go to a party tonight. To be honest, I don't have any plans tonight, I feel like I want to go. Evening parties are mostly just eating and drinking. I felt like it might cheer me up. Even if I feel uncomfortable, I just need to go home from there. I've decided to come with them. I quickly replied to the message. My heart felt relieved. At the same time I also found some of my other works and apparently when I looked I couldn't find them, apparently they were in another cupboard. I felt frustrated before because I didn't know where it was stored until I finally managed to find it. My older works tend to be naturalist in style. I always paint like that. But now it has started to shift to realism. To think I missed so many things. This is very different from what I had imagined so far. When I look back on it, it just feels funny. I don't dare sell this work to anyone else. A few days after painting this work, I even intended to exhibit it at a monthly exhibition usually held at school. But I'm not confident. It wasn't until I graduated from school and went to college that I realized that my previous decisions were too childish. From there I just started a new beginning by trying many things and that made me happy. Until now, I still feel pleasure when painting. My grades are also pretty good. I am very grateful. Seasons keep changing. I imagined a lot of pleasant things that I would feel, but it turns out I was wrong. Expecting too much is painful. I'm willing to bet and it's real. I often meet with friends and talk about many things together. At that time I was quite happy but I don't know why it never lasted long. There are always new problems that come to me. I felt so confused that I couldn't think clearly. From day to day it's annoying. But there are also things that are more calming, but they are unpredictable. Everything is unpredictable and continues to be so. Not long after, my cell phone rang and when I checked it was a phone call from Lucy.
"Hello?" I said
“Maya. How are you today?"
"Good. You called me to ask how I was?”
"No. Not only that. Honestly, I want to tell a story."
"Just say it. I will listen even if it lasts for hours."
“I feel like I'm a mess lately. I don't know why but it's really uncomfortable.”
"Where are you now?"
“My apartment. I don't want to go out. I was just in my room. I'm lazy about doing something. Do you know what this is? What kind of sign is this?”
“You're just being lazy. I understand. It's humane. So what's the problem?”
"The problem is. I'm annoyed and continue to be annoyed. I'm frustrated.”
"Then, how about you start taking a short walk around your apartment to relieve your frustration? I think it will be quite helpful.”
"I don't want to do it."
"Why? You said you were frustrated? So do you want a solution or not?"
“Actually, yesterday I experienced heartbreak. Do you know what it's like to be dumped?"
"No. I don't know how it feels. And I don't want to feel anything like that."
“That's what I feel.”
"What? Don't be kidding me."
"I am not kidding. That bastard did it. Do you know the reason?"
"So what?"
“He said he didn't need me anymore. And because of saving another woman. Aren't you crazy to hear something like that?"
“Wow, what a jerk.”
"That's right. Hey, do you think I'm worth living?”
"What? Why is your question so scary?"
“I don't know what else to do now. I feel like everything is destroyed."
"Come on. Don't be too depressed, there are still lots of good people out there who will definitely like you. Don't get hung up just because of that bastard. You deserve to be happy."
"Maybe what you say is true. "But I'm still getting crazier," said Lucy while crying and it sounded loud on the phone call.
"That's enough. Don't cry too much. People like that don't deserve to be cried over. Well then, how about we go to a bar?”
“I don't have the energy to go there.”
As soon as he heard Lucy's words. In an instant I felt like a bad person. I really don't understand the situation that happened. However, I really don't know. Since today, Lucy hasn't been seen going out with friends and usually when she goes out she often posts on social media. It's been really quiet lately. When I try to understand this situation, I'm strangely completely blank. It didn't feel like it was almost evening. They kept inviting me to go. Of course I also want to come. I quickly got ready. Tonight's party doesn't know what it will be like.
“Okay, I'm ready. Time to go," I muttered.
On the way there, I still imagined Lucy. How hurt by the existing problems. I don't know why my footsteps feel heavy. Finally arrived at the location. People have also started arriving. They look very happy. I know this is indeed an event that almost everyone likes. Spending time and money just for fun. Without having to think about anything else. I also find it quite enjoyable. Unlucky. I should do more fun activities as possible. Compared to having to continue sitting in silence and being in a very boring room. It sounds so ridiculous. That's a fact.
“Oh, Maya. You came too apparently. How are you?" Said a sexy woman who was said to be very friendly.
"I'm fine. How about you Tyana?"
“Of course I am also very good. But I haven't seen you lately. Where have you been?”
“Ah, I'm just busy with my business. Maybe I don't have time.”
"Yes. I understand. That must be it. Don't worry, everyone is the same when they are in the final semester like this."
“Oh yeah, I heard that you will go abroad after graduating from campus. Is it true?"
“Ah, the news has spread apparently. What can we do about it. That's right. I plan to go to Switzerland."
“Wow. That sounds amazing.”
"Thank You."