This painting really depicts me. I feel like this is actually burdening me. It's not like usual, once I'm faced with something like this it feels really hard. At the same time I couldn't control myself. There are a million reasons why I am always behind this problem. And now I can't escape. Something that even felt strange kept bothering me. To the extent that I felt this way and indeed there were times when I was in a pretty scary zone. At this point I only hope for myself and nothing else. Sometimes I just sigh and it's really strange. I've been through a lot and it all stays on one side. This time it was the same. I feel this world is very disgusting. From what I saw, things were like that. There have been problems that have come and when they come back they just make me feel sick. I was at a loss for words because of this. At the same time, I also feel that this is very strange. From here I hoped that everything would get better and it turned out that when I looked again it wasn't what I wanted. Everything is always in a scope that really bothers me. Even now I'm fed up with this. Not long after that I walked slowly to pick up the paint that had run out. Afterwards I just remembered that there was something wrong with me and maybe it was my fault. Until this moment I feel uncomfortable. I also continue to be in a zone like this and don't know how to solve all this anymore. Until I couldn't think clearly. The work I am currently doing, all of it seems empty. Like lifeless. Even if I try to do it, it's still very different from what I tried at that time. It turns out that all of this is real. At first I didn't believe it. Honestly, Ayaka once said something to me. I couldn't believe Ayaka's words at that time. Until now I was in a zone like that and now I just understand. Even now I feel like this world is destroyed. I feel like this is going crazy. At this point I also felt something strange. So far it's been very strange. Even though I felt something was the same, it all turned out to be just a scam. After I felt dizzy, now I had to get back to working on the painting. This morning I also got a message from someone who really wanted to buy my painting. I feel happy with this news. But now it's even weirder.
“Gosh, why does it have to be like this? Even though I have to finish all my paintings," I muttered.
There are many other things that are really annoying. I feel like it's getting real. Nothing different from that. I felt something I couldn't imagine. All this time I was only in my own hands and honestly I just wanted to leave this world. I no longer want to continue living like this. I feel very tormented. But strangely now I can't escape that easily. My mind just gets more confused. And my paintings are also getting more and more erratic. This seems like a very scary world.
'Unlucky. Why am I always unlucky?' I muttered to myself.
This was like my first time being in a dark room. Every time I open my eyes it feels like I can't see anything. I'm pretty fed up with situations like this. It's as if I'm trapped here forever. Not only that, I also feel that the world has always been in danger since I was born. This is very strange, these crazy thoughts are increasingly filling my head. I seemed to be spinning in a very scary zone. Not only that, several times I also thought that maybe there was something wrong with me all this time. Strangely I didn't find anything at all. Until now it feels very empty. I've always been in the same circle as I am now. Honestly, I feel annoyed. At the same time I couldn't do anything. There is only endless guilt. I also almost forgot various things which were really troublesome. At this point I want to go. I've been thinking about something like that for a long time and I still haven't done it. Nothing good has happened for a while now. I also thought that maybe this was the way to go. Until I almost went crazy. Even if someone else taps me on the shoulder, I always think badly. No human being can truly be trusted. I always thought that was true. And even though I saw it with my own eyes, I couldn't stop thinking. That's how far I went where everything felt like a thorn. But I can still do a lot of things. Now I am still continuing to paint my work that I have been working on. I felt annoyed because I was suddenly frustrated. Not long after, I heard screams from outside. It's unusual for this building to be noisy. And when I tried to look, apparently it was just a couple arguing. I quickly returned to my seat and continued my activities. At first I also felt a little annoyed by the distractions. The longer I think about it, the more annoyed I become. I've tried my best and everything turns out the same. Even though I want to be under a very beautiful zone, I feel like this world is really too much. I also kept thinking like that and now I still harbor it. How long have I been in the dark so that what I made also apparently has the same color. This is really terrible. That's what's on my mind so far. Such a beautiful day. Unfortunately I couldn't feel that beauty. Everything is the same before me. Nothing more special.
"Gosh, I poured too much red," I said in a slightly annoyed tone.
Meanwhile, right now it's right at Ayaka's house. The seemingly peaceful atmosphere is filled with a sense of calm. Ayaka was seen checking several schedules for this month. Unexpectedly it turned out to be quite dense. Even though something made Ayaka uncomfortable, so far it was quite better than the previous day. Plus there is the same problem too. Ayaka is increasingly convinced that this world is starting to look different from the last time she saw it.
'I can't believe that they did all this just for me. What do they really want?' Ayaka muttered to herself. While continuing to think.