I still hear a lot of things from Ayaka. After a long time I haven't seen Ayaka and now I feel very happy. Several things are also often debated. I feel this is really crazy. Many other things continue to be questioned. It all just came naturally. When so many things happened, I couldn't stop thinking about all this. Most of them continue to feel happy by gossiping about other people. When I asked Ayaka about this problem, Ayaka immediately told me without hesitation. Once I knew this fact, I slowly felt that this person was really good and that was what I wanted. Being a good friend is very difficult for some people. To the point where I feel like this world is really crazy, I only found one fact that is quite impressive. I also feel that this world is not as beautiful as artists say. To the point that I also painted several works based on what I had seen. I'm always in a confused zone. Not only that, I also can't stop thinking about all this. I feel really bad right now. Turns out what I felt was true. After I showed the other side, I also found the same thing so far. That's a big problem. Ayaka laughed again when she told a joke. I also feel that now Ayaka has returned to herself. Even though several things happened to Ayaka before, at least now she feels much better. On the one hand, I am also very happy with Ayaka's current condition. We continued to joke around a lot. The warm atmosphere of the sauna makes me feel peaceful. My body also seems to have recovered. Because previously I felt sore and my body was not healthy. Right now I really feel like I was born again. There were several other visitors who were also seen enjoying the sauna. I imagine the current me being in a fairly pleasant zone for a long time. After I felt very happy with this world, strangely that feeling kept appearing. Until I don't know what to do anymore. As soon as I realized that this world was very crazy, in an instant I had inspiration that was quite crazy too. Sometimes this is what I fear. I felt like I was under unusual control. To the point where I am in the middle of something terrible that I can't avoid. Even now I'm at my wit's end. This place indirectly became my place to meditate. I think this is the right thing and I don't want to continue like that time.
'This is the best thing,' I muttered.
This time, Ayaka returned with a happy smile as soon as she finished soaking. We finally enjoyed lunch here. I haven't eaten in a sauna in a long time. As usual there is a lot of food sold here. What caught my attention was only spicy food. After that we continued our fairly long conversation. In an instant, I felt relieved that all difficult things could be resolved if I didn't run away. Ayaka also often says things like that to me. I felt very grateful for wanting to tell me so many things and that was the reason I wanted to talk a lot with Ayaka.
"So what are you going to do for now?" Ayaka asked me.
"Who knows. Maybe as usual. Living this boring life. How about you?"
“To be honest, I didn't expect much either. I guess I just have to survive here.”
"You're not going back to Kyoto?"
"No. I don't want to go there.”
"Why?"
“Because I'm not suited to living in the countryside. I'd rather be in Tokyo. Besides, there are a lot of things I can do here compared to my hometown.”
“I see. I understand."
“Then there are also things I have to finish. "The plan is that next month I will participate in a new film."
“Wow. It was incredible. What movie?"
"Drama."
“Ah, that's quite impressive.”
"Yes. I've been waiting for something like that for a long time. I feel nervous if for example I have to act. But I will try it this time.”
"Yes. You have to try it. Who knows, you will get lots of awards because of your acting."
“By the way, I want to know the life of painters. What have you been feeling all this time?"
"Many. Sometimes I feel happy, but sometimes I am so frustrated. I can put everything into my work. Occasionally I also look for lots of references and even go to other places. But strangely, I still don't feel any satisfaction. Everything seems to just happen without reason.”
“I don't really understand artists. But I also want to know some things. I think that's amazing too. You can be at a stage that not everyone can be at.”
"I know. However, currently there are many obstacles. No one has bought my work yet. Yes. It happened this month. If it continues like this I'll feel like I'm going bankrupt.”
"Do not say like that. There must be someone who can buy your work. You just need to wait. Don't worry, I see your condition is quite good. I don't think you'll go bankrupt. Trust me.”
"Thank you Ayaka."
“You just need to put in a little more effort for now.”
Even though sometimes I'm not very confident, I don't know why suddenly the feelings I've been holding back so they don't become sadness always come. I just have more hope in this world. Although several times I also realized that hoping that would only hurt myself. This time I felt something like that too. Ayaka really looks happy because she has a new job, while me, who is still like this, tends to make me feel confused. I can't continue to be in this empty zone. If only there were a miracle, I would be very grateful. That's what I have to do.
“I feel so bad,” I muttered inadvertently.
Not long after, Ayaka said many things again. When I looked at it, it turned out that was indeed what happened. Up to this point I also feel pretty good. Although there are some things that feel foreign to me. Maybe it's just imagination. Ayaka decided to return to the apartment and so did I. That's enough for today. When we started to return to our respective homes, in an instant I became a person who really had to fight for myself. I have to do it anyway. Determination slowly began to form and not long after that I resumed my activities. Today I have found a new idea and will immediately execute it.