Now I'm starting to get ready to go. After several times I started to feel uncomfortable with myself, now I started to move and this is what I should do. There are many other things that are quite annoying, at first I found them very annoying. This time I felt it was true. It's time for me to calm down. Living in a balanced zone is indeed much better. I also hope that I can do that. It seems like I already expect a lot from myself. I don't know if in the end everything is the same. There was nothing different and it was really scary. I've never been in such a scary zone. Just because of something, I also hope to myself that one day I can do many things. I feel like this world is really scary and I really have to face it. The whole day felt tiring. I also wondered about that and did feel uncomfortable. At times like this there is always something bad waiting. I can't stop thinking about things like this anymore. Even though I felt uncertain, at that moment I discovered several things that were really fun. I seemed to be in a very beautiful zone. When I thought bad thoughts again, right then I felt something was different. After looking at it again, it really doesn't make sense. At the same time I almost felt crazy. When there are a lot of things happening, I can't control myself which is really annoying. Sometimes I think something is strange, until I feel something is different. Apart from that, I also feel very annoyed because this world is full of trash people. The peace that should be created does not exist. At that moment I felt frustrated and really fed up with this world. Now I understand why everyone condemns poverty so much, because it is the saddest thing. Many people become victims and it always ends badly. This time I saw news that became public discussion. A family committed suicide because they could no longer stand life in this world. They do it easily. Their bodies were found by the person who delivered the package because they were so shocked to see someone who had fallen from the third floor of the house they were in. The person quickly called an ambulance and it turned out that his life was no longer there. Now I'm still on my way to the sauna.
"Crazy. This is too scary,” I muttered.
For once in my life, this is the first time I feel so annoyed. I don't know why and knowing this fact feels so painful. I feel the world is unfair. After I checked several news articles, in reality it was because of the terrible situation they were experiencing. Many people have lost their lives just because of this world. I feel very angry. Finally I arrived at my destination. Even though I've been waiting, Ayaka is still nowhere to be seen. I sent a text message earlier too and Ayaka agreed. Some people also came to this place recently. I feel this is better.
"I think I have to wait for Ayaka," I muttered, not changing my clothes.
The atmosphere here is really very peaceful. Unlike anything out there, now it feels more like life. Not long after, Ayaka also arrived. I feel happy because now we meet. Not long after that, we immediately entered the sauna. It's really hot in this room. But I don't know why I feel at peace. We also don't forget to tell stories to each other. I feel like now is the time for me to be here enjoying my free time. Honestly, I've never felt this happy. This time it was really different from usual.
“Have you worked on your project?” Ayaka asked me.
“Oh, it's still a work in progress. Actually, I'm still thinking about a lot of things. I don't know why if I'm not perfect I always feel lacking."
“I knew you would say that. But I also agree with your opinion just now. Even though it is very emotionally draining, there are times when determining what is perfect is not a problem.”
“Wow, I can't believe you said that.”
"Why don't you even believe it?"
“Because this is the first time I've heard of it. I also feel very depressed. That's why I want to go to the sauna. Hoping to reconcile myself.”
"I know it. Because it's not just you. I'm not much different from you either.”
Increasingly confident, I feel like this will just kill me. At the same time I was in my own hands. Strangely now I can't hold my breath. This reality is getting closer and closer to me. On the one hand, I also feel annoyed by things like this. Without me realizing that everything was destroyed, there were several things that should have happened. Until I feel unsure about all of that. From here I also don't know what to do. Maybe it will continue like that forever. Ayaka started talking more and more about the contents of her heart that had been hidden for so long. To be honest, I also felt a little sorry because of the crazy scandal at that time. But, the more I feel sorry for other people, I don't know why it feels like I'm the sad one. Even now I feel like it will keep coming to me. This time, I really don't know what else to do. Ayaka is still with a very old story. I also had a lot of questions for Ayaka. Because I was curious about what actually happened at that time. Strangely enough, when Ayaka told the story, I felt it didn't make sense. It turns out there are also people like that. I couldn't stop thinking because I was really annoyed with terrible people like them. It feels like those people should just disappear.
"So your busy life lately is just making YouTube videos?" I asked Ayaka.
"Yes. It does sound very boring. But I did it of course to survive.”
“I knew you would say that. I also feel that what I'm doing now is very boring. Even though painting is my favorite, if you do it non-stop it's very hard."
“I can't believe you could say that.”
“Sounds like bullshit doesn't it?”
"Yes. That is how it is. I've been feeling bad lately. That's why I want to calm down."
“I understand what he means. Me, too. There are many things that make me feel depressed. "Lately I feel like I'm just crazy."
"You are right."