This time I really felt that something might happen after this. As soon as I felt it coming to me, I could only remain silent without needing to say it right in front of everyone. After I looked at it too, they wouldn't care. Several times I thought that maybe this was supposed to happen and instead just relied on this quite strange instinct. I am increasingly convinced that now I am in a very troublesome zone. After I thought back, I also felt that it was true. When I returned from my activities today, I was always in a situation that was very difficult for me to understand. This time it was the same. It's as if all of that just came to mess with me. I haven't done much, now the problem is that I'm just feeling even more annoyed. There wasn't just one thing that made me feel like this, after that I was dealing with a quite troublesome side of myself. Right now I'm really annoyed and want to get out of this troublesome situation and get back to the atmosphere I like. Different from before, now I know that there are many things they are talking about. Not only that, I also often see others who don't seem to get along with each other. Surprisingly, they still continue to meet. Besides the incident that always makes me think hard, I feel now it's time for me to return to my world. Where I almost forgot about it. Sometimes my desires are always blocked and that's how it always is. There came a time when I couldn't bear what I felt. After that, I got up from my seat and then played with my cellphone. I checked my social media accounts several times and it was still the same. I barely posted anything here and now I just want to do it. When I posted my photo, I felt like this was enough.
“I think this is enough,” I muttered.
As soon as I realized one very important thing, at that moment I came back with several things that I should have done. I also thought that maybe there was something that should have been resolved because this was quite troublesome. Turns out I was wrong. The longer I do it one by one, it feels like I can't focus. Always feeling bad in some way. This time I felt it was really true. I'm already quite annoyed with all this and now it's only getting worse. Don't forget to check some of my other work. Everything is still a mess.
"Unlucky. Why is it always like this?" I muttered.
Honestly, I almost went crazy. All this has no end. I always get caught in situations like this. When I couldn't do anything anymore, I started to feel hopeless. This time I came back with all the documents and continued working on them until they were finished. Time goes by slowly. Strangely I feel it coming to me right now. When I feel like I can no longer think about it, that's when I feel better. I don't feel anything sweet now. There have been a lot of crazy things that have appeared. That's why I don't feel happy lately.
"What is this? Why did I even think of something else?" I muttered to myself.
On the previous day. I saw a lot of things I never thought I would before. I felt there was something strange about all of that. I was so curious that I even tried to find out about it. However, soon after I felt unsure about it. At what point did my curiosity disappear. Every now and then I ask myself why I have to try to find out something like that, it turns out there is something wrong with me. Later it was true and I also couldn't escape from this. I always try and it turns out there is no result at all. Sometimes I feel small and I even curse myself because of it. However, I need to be sure again that all of this is of no use to me. As time went by, my feelings became confused again and I tried to forget about it. Once again I almost lost myself and in the end it was all that it was. I also felt that this was very different from what I had in mind and it turned out to be true. Even though I've started out in a pretty good situation, it feels like I still can't escape from the previous situation. Today, I started making my bed and getting ready to do my next activity. Apart from that, I also thought that maybe there was something I had to do and when I looked again it turned out that there were really a lot of things I had to do. I always felt that maybe there was something strange about me and slowly I started to feel a little surprised about it. Every once in a while I think something is wrong and keep doing that until I feel tired. Since then I can no longer think clearly and that is what is happening now. When I'm the only one experiencing something like this, I always think too much and keep blaming the situation for things that are getting worse. Now I'm almost done and not long after that I went straight from my apartment to somewhere. This time I really intended to relieve stress and it turned out to be quite helpful. On the way to that place I felt a little peaceful because I saw so many things at this time. However, as time went by, I again fell into situations that seemed strange. Not long after that I accidentally saw Hanna who was at this cafe too. I quickly went straight to the woman and it turned out that Hanna was also aware that I was here.
“Wow, what kind of coincidence is this?” asked Hanna.
"Who knows. Maybe it's been arranged by the universe."
"By the way, have you finished your assignment?"
“Which task?”
"Philosophy. Don't tell me you forgot?"
"Unlucky. I just remembered.”
"As I thought, what were you doing that you didn't remember the assignment?"
“I did nothing. Lately my mind has been in a mess. Maybe that's why I feel this way.”
"Good grief. What have you done to keep doing this?"
"Just doing my usual activities."
"What activity do you mean by that?"
“Relax and keep relaxing.”
"You are crazy."
"You are right. Maybe I'm crazy. I don't know why I feel so bored. Not even enthusiastic about doing anything. "Now actually, if it weren't for that, I wouldn't have come here."
“To be honest it's very sad. But I know how you feel. If only all of that could come off so easily. I don't think anyone will complain anymore.”
“Are you sure no one will complain after all that is released?”
"Yes. Nothing is impossible, right?”
“What the hell? Doesn't sound convincing.”
"That's enough. If we talk about it, it will never be finished."
"Oh yeah, even now I still wonder why I always feel so empty? Am I lonely?”
"Hah? What kind of nonsense is that?”
It's true, I just said nonsense. Even Hanna was immediately shocked when she heard what came out of my mouth. It seems strange that I would even say that. But when I looked again I felt that this was true. From then on I started to feel better. My condition started to improve, in the end I ended up messing up again. Strangely, even now it's still the same. There is a possibility that happened and just keep thinking so. There will never be an end even though I actually reject all of those facts. When I remember, it only keeps bad memories and it's even hard to forget. I feel more and more as if the world is showing all the bad things and that makes me feel even more uncomfortable and unable to trust anyone. I have also been in a situation where I felt crazy just because I was dealing with someone. In fact, it made it even more difficult for me to breathe freely. It was as if something was destroying my happiness and it turned out that when I explored it more deeply there was no point in liking the fantasies of people who never behaved as I expected. It felt like throwing myself into a pit of misery. Until now I don't want to deal with such annoying problems anymore. Hanna then said something to me.
"Speaking of loneliness, I don't think what you said was wrong," said Hanna while sipping the coffee she had ordered.
“Do you feel lonely too?”
"Yes."
"Do not lie?"
“I never lie when it comes to myself.”
“Then, what are you going to do? Looking for someone to treat you?"
"Who knows. I never thought about looking for people. Strange isn't it? Even though I just admitted that I was lonely. It feels empty. Everything I do is so boring.”
“I think I know what you should do.”
"What's that?"
"You just go on holiday. That will cure your boredom a little."
"Makes sense. It's just that the problem is in my wallet."
"Good grief."
Today is full of unexpected things. Even though there were very few moments where I felt comfortable, not long after that I ended up back in the abyss of emptiness. Once back in the apartment, it felt different. I'm so annoyed and that's not the only thing I'm feeling now. While taking a sip of alcohol, I started to sigh, trying to release all the burdens. The fact is that it is bitter and the taste of alcohol makes no difference. I feel really bad today. Not long after that, I intended to rest for a while before returning to my world. In a different place, Hanna is seen trying to contact someone.