It was already evening. Now I feel a little uneasy because of some of the things I've seen. As soon as I remember that, I feel like I can't get out of that thought and it keeps bothering me. This time I really felt uncomfortable and now I woke up. I no longer wanted to close my eyes and not long after that I had a slight feeling that this would most likely continue like this and my hope of getting rid of all this turned out to be quite clear. After I saw Ella who was asleep, this time I always felt curious about something. Liona's words apparently haunted me enough and now I don't care anymore. Even though I apparently remember all that, this time I really don't know how to deal with the contents of my mind which are controlling me more and more. Once again I looked at the clock and it was still night. I can't stand it anymore and my head feels really dizzy. Soon after that I returned again in the hope of falling asleep. Tomorrow there are lots of activities I have to do. Even though this annoying routine often didn't make me feel satisfied, I always followed what the nurse said. Sometimes even late at night. Even though it really drained my energy, I felt a little comforted. That's really strange. If I think about it, there are a lot of things that aren't bad either. I always get lost in memories that are quite ambiguous. Not long after that, regret came and often made me feel unruly. I didn't want something like that to happen again and after that I tried to calm myself. There were many other things which then made me return to my usual cheerful self. In the past, when I was little, I always played together with other friends, even at night. Now, it's all just in the imagination. Everything is hindered by regulations. I walked and then opened my diary. In here I always write whatever I do every day. Even though it sounds like it's useless, I don't even care about that kind of thing. This time I really couldn't sleep. That's why I wrote something in my diary. The writing looks the same. It feels like time goes by so fast and in reality I feel like it doesn't help me at all. I was always trapped in a cage that I wasn't even aware of. Before I realized it, I had to reflect on myself and slowly it turned out that was the result. Not long after, Ella apparently woke up from her sleep. Even though I'm not noisy at all.
"What are you doing?" Ella asked with her face still sleepy.
“Writing a diary.”
"You do not sleep?"
"I can't sleep."
"Is it true?"
"Yes. Why did you wake up yourself? Did I wake you up?”
“I had a nightmare.”
"What? Don't tell me it's about ghosts."
"No. There are no ghosts in my dreams. I just saw something terrible. But not a ghost.”
"What's that?"
"I don't know for sure, it's just that there was a red liquid near my bed and it was scary."
“Red liquid? I don't understand."
"Me, too. But why did I wake up?"
“You might be surprised.”
“Ah, that's right.”
The next morning. When I started to wake up from my sleep and it turned out that I didn't expect that I was sleeping in a chair. After that I still felt a little dizzy. There are several things that have made me feel uncomfortable so far. I saw something in myself that to this day I still question. I don't know what else is inside me. This time I got up from my seat and then I looked at the window and it was already morning. I immediately rushed and not long after that I saw someone who had just arrived. That person was none other than someone I hadn't seen in a long time. After that I started walking and then entered the dining room. Breakfast this time was quite heavy and I couldn't finish my food. Ella looked at me as if she was going to scold me. At this point I couldn't continue eating anymore and then I just let it go. Liona who not long after that came towards me and then I offered to eat my food. Liona apparently wants to do that and now I feel very happy. Ella was still shocked and soon I couldn't hold it in any longer and finally I was about to leave. Ella then glanced at me and I felt a bit of a terrible sensation. It's time for me to do some of my duties. I looked at my notes and after that I found one thing that I should have done. This time I walked towards one of the rooms near the nurse's room. At that moment I heard someone talking about something and after that I felt a little afraid to enter the room. However, not long after that I got up the courage and then I entered the room. When I entered the room, I saw someone strange and apparently there the nurse was talking to that person.
“Oh, Isabella. You can come again later after this. "Because now the nurse has a guest," said the nurse with a friendly smile to me.
“Oh, okay. I'll excuse myself," I said and then left.
Now I feel a little disappointed. I feel like I'm in an uncertain circle. Besides, I always find myself in situations like this. It felt like someone had just pushed me to the ground. Those wild thoughts came back and started to make me feel uncomfortable. I myself often wonder why such things come to me out of nowhere. For a long time I couldn't think clearly because there were many things that I felt were terrible. This time I walked and not long after that I sat on one of the seats around the corridor. I took a deep breath and then I felt a sensation that was different from usual. There are several things that have been bothering me so far. I've lived in this place for a long time and strangely I don't know much about this place at all. Besides that,
"Isabella, what are you doing here alone?" asked someone who then came over to me. That person was none other than Liona who looked like she had just returned from the dining room.
"Ah, actually I was going to the nurse's room and it turned out there were guests. So I'm waiting here instead."
"What do you need that you have to go to that room?"
"There's a schedule I have to help tidy up the documents there."
"Hah? Why should you? Isn't that the nurse's own job and when it comes to paperwork, isn't that very risky? What if you accidentally find something?”
"What are you talking about? How could I dare to examine the documents there."
"Yes. That's quite true too. By the way, have you heard anything?”
"No. What is it?"
"I overheard a conversation from an officer who said that if we didn't let it go, it would actually be troublesome. I don't know what it means, it just seems like something is going on. Don't you feel a little strange too?”
"When it comes to that, I don't feel anything strange. Maybe just talk about everyday complaints."
"You think too positively."
"Yes. You should think positively. You're so strange."
“But I'm still surprised. Aren't you going to the study room?”
“Today there is no schedule for me.”
“Ah, that's right.”
All this time I was still in the thoughts I created. I felt uncomfortable with that and instead it just made me keep having strange thoughts. Apart from that, I also seem to have just discovered something that I never expected before. I felt like there was something wrong with me and over time I felt like I was sinking. This time I really felt that things weren't a mess, but it was even more chaotic. Once Liona kept telling me something, I don't understand anymore now. Liona kept saying lots of things and it made me even more curious. This person seems to know a lot more than I do.
"You won't go?" Liona asked me.
“I have to go to that room. I don't want to get punished just for not doing my job. You yourself must also know what will happen if you don't do your assignments?"
"I know. But you have too much work to do. Didn't you feel burdened by that yesterday and now you look really happy?"
“That's because I'm supposed to.”
“Don't be too hard on yourself. What if you suddenly get sick and you might be taken to that room.”
"You mean the infirmary?"
"Yes. That room.”
“Huh, how about it? Who knows."
“Eh?”
“I don't care actually.”
So far I can't stop thinking and I just want to live my days in peace. Even though there are many people who might judge me with different views, it feels like I don't care at all. Lioan immediately stood up and seemed to be leaving. I already knew that this person would leave and I was still here waiting until the guest came home and maybe I could enter the room. However, after waiting for a long time it turns out it's still not finished and now I'm sighing because I feel very tired. After that, I saw the stranger leave the room and then I stood up to leave.