Nights always make me feel confused. Everything seemed to lead to a problem that I never understood at all. I always have nightmares like this and it feels very difficult to get out of them. At the same time, I also hope for myself to overcome this kind of thing which is quite troublesome. In dreams, I kept seeing myself walking in beautiful grass fields and under the light of the moon. This dream always comes to me. I really felt very annoyed and then I also moved towards somewhere. Again, I always hear someone's voice talking and it's quite clear. Even though I really didn't want to hear the conversation at all, for some reason it felt like I was being called and after that I felt something was wrong. Soon after that I walked and then I tried to ignore it all. In my heart, I always mumbled and after that I wondered why everything felt strange about it. I didn't want to deal with dangerous things and after this I walked again until finally I arrived at a room that we usually use when we have knitting classes. This room feels quiet and I don't know why it feels like I'm in a strange place. I looked around and it turned out that there was no one here except me. I'm also still here because there are several things I want to do. I didn't feel very calm until finally I came here just to calm myself down. Slowly I also felt that I was actually feeling things that were quite strange. Sometimes my vision feels blurry and not long after that I can no longer see clearly. The longer I'm here, it seems like something is slowly changing me. I was in the midst of despair and this strange feeling kept coming so fast. A peaceful night, that's what's on my mind right now. Even though there are some things that make me think about it, I feel that way and slowly I try to forget it and return to living peacefully. As if all that could be overcome easily. In reality, I actually thought differently and there was actually something wrong with me. I also admitted that and then I felt uncomfortable. If only I could see the outside world, maybe I would feel a little happy. Of the several books I read, not a single one wrote that this world was very peaceful.
"What are you doing here?" asked someone who apparently also came here. That person was none other than one of the people who also lived in this foundation just like us. Her name is Mariana.
“Just keep quiet. What are you doing here?"
“I just wanted to get some fresh air. But I thought that if I came to this place maybe I could be peaceful and calm. It's really noisy in the dorm."
“I see.”
"Aren't you the same?"
“Ah, if I were different.”
"What?"
“I just have a lot on my mind. I want to calm down and even if I can't, I have to go and do it."
"You are really great."
“Why are you suddenly praising me?”
“Even at times like this, you still think and always have. By the way, are you in trouble?"
"No."
"So what?"
“I don't understand either, I just feel bored. I also often think about just leaving here. But I remembered again that we can't leave here easily. There has to be someone to adopt. Doesn't that make you think even more?"
“Adopt yes. I once thought why don't I just stay here until I die?”
"Hah? Did I hear correctly?”
"No. You heard clearly just now.”
“Why do you think that?”
“I didn't expect any family to come to pick me up. I just feel that it's not that bad here.”
"Ah, you just make me think harder."
"Excuse me. But that's the reality I face. I'm not sure that life out there will be much better than here.”
“Ella once told me about school. I think if I weren't here, I think I would be a high school student now.”
"You are right. It's just that there are a few things you should know about that."
"What's that?"
“Living like that doesn't mean you'll be happy forever. It does not rule out the possibility of violent crimes and so on. I once read a book about school bullies. It is no different from suffering.”
“It seems I was too reckless.”
"Yes. you can say that. But I don't feel completely wrong either.”
"What do you mean?"
"Ah never mind. Just forget it."
“So far I feel uneasy. I don't know why suddenly there are several things that make me think. Have you ever experienced the same thing as me?"
“Thinking about what?”
“Some kind of hidden thing. "This is just my imagination or it could be that something like that really exists."
“You mean some kind of secret?”
“Yeah, that's what I meant.”
"I've never heard of that. To be honest, I don't really want to know many things."
“Ah, I guess forget it.”
“If there is, there seems to be a reason behind it.”
I accidentally said the thing I was worried about right now. Strangely, I actually felt relieved. Not only that, I also felt that I suddenly felt light. Some things I previously thought about out loud and now I say them easily to the people I'm with at the moment. I couldn't think calmly anymore and suddenly I just listened to the chatter. Right now I also feel like I'm not in an empty abyss anymore and like I've just found a very peaceful place. Mariana was still telling me several things that made her think and without realizing it, it was now the middle of the night.
"I think we should just go back to the dorms."
“Ah, you're right. Turns out I didn't realize it was already midnight. It will be troublesome if you wake up late tomorrow.”
"You are right. I can't imagine that happening.”
“Don't imagine. It just messes with your mind."
“Oh yeah, there's something else I want to say.”
"What's that?"
"I heard you've been helping the nurse in that room lately?"
“Ah, if that's true. but not for long."
"How?"
“What what?”
"Aren't you burdened?"
"No. In fact, I'm a little happy. Turns out I can be quite useful too. It might sound quite strange, but I just find it extraordinary.”
The more I talk, the more strange I feel. As if there were some things I shouldn't have said. At that moment I was a little surprised why this person wanted to listen to what I was talking about. On the other hand, I also can't think bad things because maybe what I think is actually wrong. At that time I couldn't sleep because I felt bad about myself. I slowly closed my eyes and it turned out to be the same. I can't imagine what it would be like if what I was worried about actually came true. I always didn't want that to happen. At the same time, this time Mariana, who was in the room, was seen preparing to sleep. Even though he had previously met Isabella and talked often, deep inside his mind, now it felt different. There are times when all this actually brings Mariana into a circle of hatred. Not long after that, someone knocked on the door of this room and Mariana quickly opened it. Immediately, she was shocked when she saw someone standing in front of Mariana at this time. His shocked face suddenly dripped with cold sweat. Not long after that, the person immediately grabbed Mariana's arm with force. Even though this was actually bad, Mariana didn't put up any resistance and just remained silent and resigned.
'I'm so unlucky,' said Mariana to herself.
Meanwhile, now I, who was still awake and couldn't stay still, immediately got out of bed and sat on a chair. There are still some things I think about late at night. I couldn't tell anyone that I was suffering from insomnia. For a moment I could only keep it to myself. Honestly, I don't want to see a doctor. In my long memory, I slightly remember the terrible times when I had to seek treatment. At that time I was very small and all that was in my mind was a scary image with a very sharp injection. Right now, right in Liona's room. Apparently Liona was also still awake and after that she started getting ready for bed. Not only that, Liona also seemed to be trying to monitor something. After finishing her activities during the day, apparently Liona, who had not joined several other friends while playing, turned out to be in a room. Now it's time for Liona to meet dreamland. Several times Liona felt tired but that didn't make Liona have to give up. This time really determined. The next morning. When everyone woke up from sleep, Ella suddenly saw Isabella sleeping while sitting in a chair. Surprised, Ella then woke Isabella up.
“Hey, wake up. It's morning."
“Oh, yeah.”
"You fell asleep here last night?"
"Ah, actually I couldn't sleep last night. That's why I intended to finish my writing and it turns out I woke up early."
"You're stupid. How long are you going to be like this?"
"What do you mean? Why are you even angry?”
“That's not like you usually are. It feels very strange. Are you possessed?”
“Hey, watch your mouth.”
"Good grief. Turns out it wasn't."
"I don't know why I've been thinking so much lately."
“What else do you think? Didn't I tell you not to think too much?"
"I remember. But I can't do it that easily.”
"Up to you."