When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one that has opened for us.
—Abraham Graham Bell
“This is auspicious time for you to find love, Kala.” Mary pointed towards the group of muscular guys. “Look.” She continued to point at them. She then looked at me. “Just take your pick, Kala.”
My eyes met with one of them. He's well-built. He's physique is looking kinda athletic. Something passes. We continued staring at each other's eyes. I ignored the feeling, brushing it off and turned my head away from it.
“So that hunk is your pick?” Mary leaned her knees, bended it as she situated herself to mimicked me. I who is sitting on the sand in bended knees.
“Kala.” She's tugging the hem of my shirt. “Kala, look. Kala he's staring at you.” She was getting the hype of excitement as she kept on tugging my shirt. “Kala, luck is on your side today. Kala look. Kala!” Her voice raised.
I looked at her blandly. I don't like to participate in whatever is going on. “What?” I said without associating any tone of what my friend Mary showed.
“He's looking at you.” She touched my hands. Her fingers touching my forefinger. She moved it, making it point towards where the guy is. “There.” She muttered softly.
Our eyes met once again. I heard Mary's squeals. I looked at her. Her hands on her cheeks, she was making squeals. I found it tantalizing. I murmured a soft cuss under my breath.
I stood from being seated. Cleaned my shorts and legs using my hands. I tapped the sands that managed to stick on my skin. I stood and walked. I walked away. There's no way I'll fall into another trap this time. I'll never fall into the trap of love this time around.
"What's wrong? Kala, he's staring at you. Did you see the way that hunky stared at you?” She was making murmurs on how dreamy the stare look.
And I ignored her and continued to kept on walking away. I'll head in my room back in the hotel bed to contemplate in silence instead of trying to be out here. I would like to lessen the possibility.
“It's the look of love at first sight, Kala. Oh my, that guy is really handsome and cute.” I turned my head to glance at what she's doing. She's making a dreamy face again. I scoffed at the look of it. I found it shallow.
“Handsome and cute couldn't co-exist in someone else's face, Mary. It doesn't work.” I hurriedly walked until we're far from where we were at a while ago.
“Why are you running anyway? It's not like the guy came and offered you a love proposal! He just stared, Kala. You're exaggerating it.” She was being talkative about it.
“I know. There's nothing wrong with meeting someone's eyes. And look. I am not running. I'm walking, Mary.” I turned my head after I saw her lip twitched to say something.
“I'm tired and I want to rest. If you wanted to stay there and have you pick, then take you time.” I looked back again to stare at my friend. “But me? Well—I wanna rest.”
I was fast enough to walk my way towards the entrance of the hotel and walked in. I don't need those shenanigans from my friend Mary. She's in love with the feeling of love. And feelings for me aren't always everything you need to put your attention into. It's not wise to be all in that emotion of love without thinking about its pitfalls. Head over heart, mind over matter. That's something I wanted to make use of, always.
“Where are you up to? I'll go with you.” He said with the same aqueous eyes I see the first time Mary and I went to the beach. It's the same watery eyes that has the look of being interested to where I'm about to head into.
“You'll read with me in the boring library? Are you sure you'll do that?” The mocked of sarcasm is the one I used but I still a bit guilty that I used that in him. He looked truthfully genuine when he told me that he wanted to go with me.
He look a bit astounded for a whe before his eyes went back to normalcy. He looked at me and smiled playfully. “Anywhere you go, Kala. I'll be sure to follow you.”
It sounded suave smothered with playfulness. I ignored the compliments I thought of and kept walking. Walking is my exercise, an excuse to fully engaged in a work out plan to keep my body on the move. I think my body's love for walking is a great way of me getting exercise. I like it. I like walking especially walking away.
I wriggled my wrist when he inserted the hand made bracelet made of beads on my hand. He greeted me with a refreshed energy, he just woke up from beinf peacefully sleeping on his armchair and that he decided he'll hand me the bracelet he made last week. I only stared at him in return without showing emotions in return. I don't want to let my mind developed some gruesomely imaginative ideas this time around. I am will not become foolish. And I will not become a fool with these advances I saw in front of my face.
“I think this time you're the wrong one for him.” Mary admitted a confession one evening when we were having a late night study session in our house.
I ignored the austered comment and read instead. She sighed and closed the book she have in hand.
“If you don't want him then tell him that you don't want him, Kala. Can't you see the efforts his been putting on you? And here you are, not a single care can be seen in your face whenever he does something for you. What is wrong with you, Kala? Not because you got so heartbroken in your first heartbreak that it made you become so close-off from that genuine effort Chester is doing for you. If you don't want him, can you just tell him to stop?” She was trying her best to knock some sense out of me.
“I pity him you know.” She added using a low voice.
I thought of love as a rubbish feeling when I got through my very first heartbreak. I vowed a promise to myself that I'll never will let love enter my life again. He came, unexpectedly one summer while me and Mary went to the beach. The first time our eyes met I knew something was brought to life but I choose not to see it for what it was. I ignored the feeling. And gaslighted myself from all of the wrong things I've done at fault, that I was bad at love.
But later, throughout the months Chester proved me that I was wrong. I never let him see that I was happy on what he's doing but he was happy when he did all those things for me. He did not get single appreciation from what he'd done but he still choose to keep on showing me that he bares no ill intention.
“Do you think I was heartless from making you suffer, Chester?” I uttered the words. “For me, I think I was.” I added.
He shook his head and pulled me close. “You're guarded and reserved but never heartless, Kala. And besides it's easy for you to feel guilty whenever you said something harsh about what I was showing you my undying affection.”
He was acting like he was in a recital. He memorized his words as if he truly knows that it's the truth.
And he was right. It was easy for me to feel guilty too. Especially whenever I meet his gaze I always realized that it was not his fault. And that he did nothing wrong.
“The door from my first heartbreak already closed. Another door to welcome love once again opened up for me.” I started while looking straight into his eyes. “But I looked for what's already done and felt regretful that I did not take my time to look at what had opened up for me instead. It's on me. And I wanted to make up for all of those lingering moments I have felt for the past and put it my present instead. I think I'm ready for the leap of faith, Chest.”
He smiled and pulled me into his chest. His forehead rested on mine. Until he planted a soft kiss on my forehead. “Thank you, Kala.” He enveloped his arms secluding me. I smiled and equaled the hug in the same way he does. I think I am finally letting my guard down in a way that makes me feel safe.