“We oftentimes suffer from curating scenarios in our head, just because it's something we can't control.”
I suffered from paranoia. I was having trouble sleeping, even in my sleep I am in a trance I feel is daunting.
“Why won't you leave me? You're making me insane.” Why does he always visit me at night? Why won't he let me rest? Why can't he just leave me alone?
I sank my face straight to the pillow. It's hunting me. It's making my head hurts. It's making my heart palpitate. I reached for the inhaler. I was having trouble breathing. I feel like I am losing my strength. And these feelings are draining my mind, as well as my body. I can't seem to see the way out. But I want my wait out of these.
It's been years since he left. It's been years since the last time we saw each other's face. I don't want to look back. I don't want to fall in the same pitfall of mental dilemma I once was into. I couldn't afford another heartbreaking phase.
“Charge.” I saw he's body leap when 4he doctor place the equipment on his chest.
He was rush into the ER. He got into a motorcycle accident with another fellow biker. I slowly close my eyes, tight it shut. I couldn't fathom this. We've been talking on the phone, until a heard crashes. I cannot take this. I cannot look at him. I just couldn't. My lungs gave out. And suddenly I passed out. Only to wake up on my own bed.
.
I wandered my eyes around. I'm in the house. And my brother was sitting on the bed. He looked like he's waiting for me to be awake. When he saw that I am already are, he abruptly move to scan his eyes on me.
“Are you okay? Are you hurt?” He reached for my hand. I gently held his fingers. I shook my head at him.
I am fine. But I don't think he wasn't. I stared at my brother. “Is he okay? What happened to him?”
My brother caressed my hand, gently. He was shaking his head. “Don't stress yourself too much, Vera.”
“No, no. I wanted to go back to the hospital. Bring me back to the hospital.”I was shaking. My brother held my hand tighter.
“You can't. We have to make sure you're stable first before we go back. You're pregnant. And you're stress. It's bad for you and the baby, Vera.”
I stared blankly again. My mother's criticism about the fall of her amazing daughter whom she considered as someone whose supposed to be always on the rise. Always adored. But now I failed her expectations. I grew tired with what happened. And I stop living my life the I way I lived it before.
I lost my love. I lost the greatest love I had. The one I knew for years. The one I had for years. I lost him. And I lost our baby too. I thought he'll wake up in coma. But my expectations were shattered completely when I saw him lifeless even when the doctors were trying to revive him to come back to life.
They said it was too much stress that made me had a miscarriage. I mentally laughed. They even blame me for my grievances. I lost him and now I lost the baby too because I wasn't careful? The mockery is still present until now.
I won't try to live this life anymore. I'm done. He's hunting me on my sleep. He's still here, in my head. He won't leave me alone. He couldn't leave me alone.
“Justice, please. Please leave. You're already gone.” He didn't leave. He stood there, standing. He wasn't moving. He's just staring.
I moved my head towards my chest. My head is throbbing really bad. “Please leave, Justice. Please.”. I begged. I clasp my hands and rub them together. Until I feel the tears fall. “Justice, why? Why can't you just leave me for good.” I wept. I covered my face with my palm as l sobbed.
I just couldn't take this. I have to drink. I head downstairs until I can still feel the shadow behind, following me as I descended the stairs. This is horror. I found myself having a hard time to breathe. I cannot enjoy sleep anymore. Because the person I once loved was the one who is bringing me nightmares.
I gulped the liquid, and drank the tablet. “This will do. This will help me sleep.” The curtains were blown by the wind. And I can see the light of the moon illuminating my window. I exhaled. I closed my eyes. I can feel myself feeling sleepy but my legs were tired. I am tired. So I went to the living room and throw myself on the cushion.
.
“I couldn't let you go.” His voice. I heard his voice. But I couldn't see him clearly. It's him. I know that is him but I couldn't see his face. I reached for him. I moved my hand to touch him and he held. He held until he used his hands to pin off down.
.
“Justice, what are you doing?” I squirmed, trying to free myself from his grasp. The more I fought, the more he tightened his grip on me.
“Justice please, let me go.” I started begging.
“No, you're going with me.” He fired his shout at me. And my eyes suddenly widened. He let go of my hand but his hands, his hand went towards my neck. “You're going with me, Vera.” He wrapped his hand around my neck and just stared as I started grasping for air. I couldn't do something. The only thing I can think of is Justice strangling me and his words that repeatedly says that I he'll be taking me with him.
“Just, aghhh.”I was still gasping, struggling for air. “Justice, please.” A tear fell.
My eyes were now opened. I stared at the ceiling once again. It's the same thing that I have been doing since Justice started hunting me. I exhaled. And I wipe the tears that fell, I moved my hand to touch my forehead to wipe the sweats on it. I just couldn't escape him. But maybe, maybe if I'll go with him. It'll be over for good.