“The motions of the tide had reached its turning point this time.”
Ending things before they end you. To have the courage to walk away from anything that no longer brings you the zen that you deserved, is the very thing I am trying to successfully accomplish anytime the tides are tough. I deserved to be love, I deserved goodness. I deserved compassion. And I am giving what I want to myself. I am giving everything back to myself. I am home. 
I smiled. It's been years. It's been a long ride. But I had my back since day one. And that's what matters. Time's different, it's really different from me now. And I am different. I had became someone that had changed. I was no longer the same person who resonated with what I was obsessing over the years. I don't know why happened. And how and when the changed happened, but I am glad. I'm really glad. 
It's funny. I met his eyes. But he looked so plain to me. He's not really what I thought he was. He's not the man I love. It's not him. I have been in the state of denial for years. I have wasted my time trying to paint is a bigger picture, a wonderful canvas that depicts a wonderful ending I have crafted. There were plans. But none of them came true. The younger me was disappointed, but the person that I am now was grateful that things didn't go as planned. I'm grateful for the detour. And I am more willing to go to a detour that will lead me to a path I will truly love filled with fulfillment. 
I never had an easy life. I never had friends that lasted. I never had a love for someone that lasted. But the love I had for myself, it's something that grows within time. 
It's funny how I no longer see him through a rose-colored glasses. I am no longer blindsided. And I liked that. 
The ride was silent. But the busy streets of New York, the city of my dreams, were in pure hustle. I was thinking of the life I had, and now I no longer had it. I have a new life now, and a new pathway is opening too. Immediately. The moment I decided that it's enough, that I am no longer playing the game which I think was toxic and quite unfair for its players; it's the moments I was freed. 
I am happy. I had loved him since I was sixteen. It's even earlier than that. I have learned to love him. It was deepened. It grows within me. But now, it's disappearing. And I can no longer find the love I once had for him. 
He looks so plain in my eyes. It's my feelings, my love for him that makes him so special. And now it's gone. I no longer see him as what I saw him back then. 
He looked normal. He became a stranger. Someone I barely know. And someone whom I know will be a fleeting memory that will disappear one day. It will. 
I asked myself, I questioned myself because it's the fact that I am getting older, I want me to change. I want my life to change. I want change. Change is constant. And it did take its precious time to bask in in enjoying plotting happenings to my life. 
It's quite unexpected I saw him in front of my eyes. I met his gaze. But I can no longer find myself enjoying it. In fact I don't feel anything at all. And this time, I am not really faking it contrary to what I was doing back then. The determination to show him what he'd wasted was so strong, it was too potent that it became my driving force to move and so I can show him and that I can prove him that he was wrong for every prejudices he placed on my name because of his narrow-minded thinking. He was narrow, and he was shallow too. I don't know now. I do not know what had hanged within him. But I do not want to wait around to search for the answer either because I am going, and I am already further away. I think it's time for me to normalize that I can find someone that is better. I can find a better one. And I can always manifest the best thing, the best event, the best person, to enjoy my life with. 
And for him. I did wished him the very best. But I did forsake him. I cussed, and cursed his existence. And I paid the debt already. But what I also wanted it to forgive myself. And to forget too. And I am this close to forgetting, so close, not until he appeares right in front of my eyes. Unexpectedly... 
I do not know what I felt at the moment. The only thing I had in mind was staring back at him. Eyeing him like how I eyed a normal person. There was nothing special in it. And I see nothing in his eyes. I do not know what he was thinking at that time. We sat with our backs turning towards the opposite, and it's always been like that. But when our eyes met again, and such circumstance took place; I am okay now. I think I had really grown. I think I learned my lesson because I no longer was living in the fantasy world, I was no longer living in my imagination. I shattered it all by myself. I ruined it. Purposely. At those moments back then, there was regrets. But now, I'm happy that everything that was built on unstable grounds were ruined. 
It was ruined. Including my love for him. He ruined it. I did my part in shattering it too. And now it was in such state that it couldn't be fix. And that was the end of it. 
A dawn of new beginning, is up on the horizon. For me and for him.