“Realizing that I can love me the same way I wish others love me. While also simultaneously understanding that I can allow people to add to the love I have for myself.”
For me, I successfully mastered the art of loving myself. It took me years to hone my personal power and I got it. Some days it's bumpy, some days the ride is smooth. Sometimes the road and narrow, it's suffocating. And some days, it wide. And I have my freedom to walk pass it. Some days I felt treading smooth waters, other times the waters aren't clear and it's murky. Sometimes I couldn't find my wait, and at times I see the light. It's between the good and the bad, the light and the dark, the spaces in between. But when will I be able to live a life I truly wanted? When is that going to happen?
And when I think of it, I thought me. I wanted to protect myself, I wanted to love myself, I wanted to give the best things for myself. And working on loving myself is about consistency and considering the truth that not all days are full of light where it's easy to hand myself a cup of love. Because it takes courage to still love yourself amidst of chaos and conflict. It's a skill. And a skill I wanted to master.
I once begged for love. I cried because of it. But then those people couldn't gave me the love that I wanted. And I did what I can do to return the love to myself. The love that I wished they could've me. It's hard to accept that not everyone you love will love you back. I wish others will love me, that they wouldn't make it so hard for me to feel that I am loved. But they were so selfish, so conniving, so deceptive. The truth of that matter is killing me. This time I wish I'll meet more souls who are kind, and loving, and playful, and fun. I wish more souls can find resonance in my being and not in a way that is unpleasant. Because I don't want people to treat me just because it's convenient for them. I don't want to satisfy the egos of people who couldn't respect me for who I am. I am person too. I am worthy love. I am worthy respect. I am worthy of receiving good things, meeting good people, havinga good luck, because I am a good person too.
Sometimes, I asked myself; Are you really that hurt that you thought you wretn deserving of what you're looking for? You don't have to settle for less than you know you deserve. You don't need to tolerate the things that are making uncomfortable. You deserve of good things too, so stop being so closed off to those people who genuinely wanted to see you win and be happy.
This time, I wanted souls who wanted wish me well to come and find me. And I wish myself that I wouldn't be so caught up of my past frustrations, past karmas, and give these people a chance to get close to me. I wish can let of the past and what happened to me. I wish I'll successfully eradicate this stigma that I have built that someone is our there to get me and do the same thing that the people of the past gave to me.
I couldn't stomach another heartache. I don't want to get another punch in my solar plexus. It's exhausting myself. Sometimes I'm tired of people, because I don't want to get my hopes up. But I also wanted to give myself a chanceto understand that I know better now. And it's time to pick the right ones. Maybe it's because I'm scared that I am struggling to attain it. I don't want to get punched in the gut again. And please, to heavens. Please hear me out this time.
I don't want to fuck things up. When it's the time for me to elevate. Please heal me, take me somewhere, to a place where I truly belong. To a place destined for me. A place that will liberate me and help me grow as a person. I wanted things to be better, so please make this better. Help me accept the reality and move on, slow and steady. In a way that I'll not get knocked down by any slight disturbances. I wanted to get my footing, a stable footing. Help me navigate these changes. And help me choose the best course of action to help myself out of these dilemmas.
I don't want to pour on an empty cup and get mine empty in return. I wanted a reciprocal exchange, we're both benefitted greatly in whatever exchange will happen. I just wanted an alightment. To greater things, great individuals, to make my way towards the greatest version of me that I can be.
They say you'll know when it's for you. But maybe it was lack foresight that it's making it hard to see what's really for you and what isn't. So this time, my dear reader: please choose the one that brings you peace instead of chaos in your heart. Tune in to your heart space. Know your will and do not let anyone throw off track. Fight back if you have too, when it's threatening your peace. And when you fight back know when the fight is over and walk away. Do not stay fighting for such long periods of time because you will lose your precious time in the process. The adage; time is gold. That should be your mantra. Do not let anyone take your time and waste it. Invest more in something, so that at the end of day when you truly ponder of what was around you'll be able to say yourself that I never stirred myself in the wrong way. That should be a promise that you'll cultivate. Do you! And do what's best for you. Regardless of what other people will say about you. You only have one life, so live life to the fullest. Live life everyday like it's your last day on Earth! You just have to live a life worth living. Anything that rubs you off from living your life authentically is not yours to carry. You should leave them. Leave them before you get left in the cold. Let this be a reminder that you will always have to choose yourself, let people choose you, do not need to try so hard persuade them into choosing you. Because the right ones, will never hold themselves back into choosing you. Always.