“Days will pass, and you'll abandon things you were addicted to, leave someone, and cancel a dream and finally accept a reality.
I felt I was lost in a daydream. My daydreams, my imaginations felt real real to me. I loved it. And I loved them.
It started with him. I was with him. Aft first I don't like him. I didn't spare him a glance. I hated his guts. I hated his entire being. I loathed how he act. I thought he was a jerk, full ego and pride. Someone unattainable, someone that couldn't be taken down. Someone who's hard to pin, especially hard to catch. Hard to attract. I thought of him in that way.
Years had passed. I liked him. He basically grew in me. It's like a needle getting stucked in your skin. A chemical being attached to your veins. I still hadn't find the answer yet whether that chemical is chemically good or a poision.
I've dreamt of him. Some days, soppy. Other days, sloppy. Other days it's something so addictive. I have all kinds of dreams, good and bad. And all of them had him in it.
He's being portrayed amazingly, in those dreams of mine. Scrumptious, deliciously looking guy. He's like that in the real world too.
In my dream, it was all planned out. He's my man. We have an amazing life. Him and I, together we were celebrating life's goodness. It's all sunshine. The rays of the sun shedding our lives. We, are happily enjoying our love. He's mine and I am his. We basically lived the life that is on the way of having to end happily. It's full of joy and celebration. Full of sunshines and rainbows. And then I woke up.
Those we good slumbers but I have to wake up with the reality of life. It's harsh, it's hard, but it's fine. Because in my life, I get to choose. I get to choose how I'll do things. And how I will get them. Basically I'm a go getter. But then it doesn't always end up well for a go getter like me. Of course I like winning. But some days, I lose. But still I carry on. I lived like that.
But sometimes, I couldn't delete this idea in my brain. Because for me, I don't have to live a life full of resistance, contraints, I don't want to live life that is hard. Because it doesn't work that way for someone who's internally a person who wanted peace and comfort.
When you woke up with a sudden clarity, things change. Your outlook change. You changed. I changed. And things were no longer the same for me. I woke up wanting to be free for the ties I consciously and unconsciously made myself tied into. I wanna be free restraints. I've already fought to hard, now I think it's time for peace. It's time for peace to be in my hear, and my soul. I wanted to live life, free from the drama, dilemmas. And I know life is not always free of problems but I can do something to alter my reality in a way that I can choose peace of mind, I will never ever turn my back from it.
Leaving him truly served my good. I don't want to live in the fantasy that I built, that's I left. It's the best that I can do. It's the best decision for me. Because to choose yourself is best thing you can do to take your power back. Choosing to walk away, and cancel your daydreams, cutting them for good, it's worth it. It's worth it than losing your mind, losing yourself in the process of wanting badly.
I got my pitfalls, I fell. I climbed my way back. I got distracted, I got discouraged. But I'm a fighter, I fight. So I climbed my way up and got out. Maybe it's because my zodiac sign, I would like to thank Aries for this energy I have. I love the ram's energy. Very potent, very sprung, it's potent exploration of being in a state of explosion. It's a fire sign. And I loved it.
I'm writing this because I just left it. All of those hopeful will I engraved in my head that weren't necessarily true and great for me. It's hard. Very hard to cancel something, to walk away, to leave, but it's necessary. It's necessary because you have to leave and save yourself from more discomfort and disappointments. You just have to, or else you'll suffer more.
This time I wanted life to be something refreshing. Something that is peaceful, happy. I wanted to be healthy. I can't suffer anymore from the doings of other people. That is when I learned that I'm not the same person anymore because my reactions were now different. Very different.
It's not always about love anyway. There are days that you have learn to live relationships, environments, dreams, and many more because it doesn't feel that it's worth to be invested. You know, for all those tough times I push my way though alone. I am still alone. I abandon people, things, places. And I am planning to go into more calmer waters. No matter what it takes, I will protect my peace. Everyday.
This is a vow. A promise. That I know to myself, I will get done. Those days I've got addicted to somethings and some people, I don't want it to corrupt me anymore. I am no longer someone who wants intense build up of latching myself to what's not the best for me. I am avoiding and I will do everything I can to get out of it, to never be seen again. I just have to too. I don't want to give into foolishness and ignorance. This is such a hard reality to accept because I felt betrayed, I felt conflicted, I felt controlled, and I don't want it to hang on me. So it's best to let go. To follow my bliss. And wait for the blessed kiss, blessed kisses of luck and good fortune.
I canceled a dream, I left him, I left the pass from where it was, I abandoned the possessing chains I once got addicted into, and while it'll probably will take a while for me to recover. I'll have my way back. I'll soar higher.