I'm really frustrated and lost in thought, I don't know what's next to do, I totally understand where Jack is coming from, I don't understand the thoughts on Jackie's head and I already have a life here, to reach back at Mother superior will be a bad move that will affect uncle Dale, sticking back with Uncle Dale will continue leaving Mother superior worried and Jack and Jackie wouldn't like me for doing such a thing to someone we all have seen as our mother right from childhood, I can't go back there because if I do, I can't have a Life around Uncle Dale who's is now like a Father to me.
My mind was long gone from today's activities, I was totally absent minded with what's going around me, I have never been the type to worry about anything, but this time, I can't escape the worry because nature have checkmated me, unless I am ready to sacrifice. Each sacrifice will leave the other in ruin, going back to mother superior would be sacrificing myself, I love Uncle Dale and David a lot like they're now my real family, I was brought here because of David's loneliness, and that is long gone since my stay here, going away now will put him in so much issues than the last one he was in, and for Uncle Dale, if I am to be in his shoes, it would really be hard to watch my son feeling alone, especially now that I have realized that he still misses his Mother but doesn't want her the way she was, which put him in a position of staying away from girls entirely.
Sticking here with Uncle Dale and David will leave Mother superior with nothing but miseries, she would criticize herself for something she never did, something that was beyond her reach to control. Jack and Jackie would be forever angry at me, they'll resent me for being selfish, thinking only about myself and putting Mother superior in a position where she will always doubt herself, really having that thought whether she was a good guardian or not.
Can I ever solve this if not by letting go of one of my loved ones, I'm having another surname, one that doesn't belong to the Mother superior or Uncle Dale, but their collaboration gave birth to the name Williams. I met the name in the Orphanage's library and Uncle Dale accepted the name, he gave me the opportunity to do what I wanted, the position to choose my own path, believing that I can handle the choices I made, isn't that how a father brings a Man out of his son, isn't the love I grew with in Mother Superior's Orphanage the love a Mother gives to her child, but here I am, the one bad apple in the whole story who agreed to run away from home with Mr Caleb just because my Mother made a decision of the future for me, thinking that I would have a great life leaving with the monks.
“ I can tell When you're not in your right mind, what is it that is bothering you?...”, Stella asked, holding my hand, showing me how comforting they can be. I never knew it was already time for lunch break, never knew that the class was already over. 
This is something I couldn't share with her too, something that she should stay oblivious to, something that is beyond the reach of her understanding, something she's never supposed to know about. I feel alone right now, I know that Mother superior has taught us about worries, she said that worries eat us up, it brings us a bad day and ruins our happiness, If you can't do anything about it, then why worry?, But this time, there's something I can do about it, and the outcome will be sacrificing something in return which I find so precious to lose, the outcome of the thoughts is what is bringing me worries because I wouldn't be hurting only myself, but someone else will suffer for a single decision I make.
Mother superior wanted something better for me, so she took charge like a Mother is used to, wanting to train me up in the monastery because she wanted something good for me, Uncle Dale trusted in me like a father should, allowing me to make tough decisions which would make me into a Man like all father wanted from their son, a son who will grow to become a Man and realize that the world is not bed of roses.
I can feel her hand on my head, bending my head to rest on her shoulder, trying to give me comfort without pressing, trying to be there for me when everyone else was absent, David doesn't know what I am going through, Jack and Jackie doesn't like that I am putting our Mother in a situation that is so painful to bear and the only one I have right now is Stella, Stella whom David said I should walk away from because she would bring me pain and destruction, but from what I am seeing now, she's the one bringing me comfort instead of the other.
“ What is bothering you Jones... You can tell me, a problem shared is half solved...”, she said. If only she understands this one, she would know that nothing is solved about this, if I tell Uncle Dale and David about this, they'll willingly let me go, that's what make them men but inside, inside, they'll be a mess, they will be stung by my adsence and I would be devastated because I have been separated from my family.
“ No Ella.... Believe me when I tell you this, is far more too complicated than you can think of, I am lost of options and I won't like sharing the details because that isn't my secret only, it's everyone's secret and it would be untrustworthy of me being the one spilling it ”.