Every time I am between several choices that even make me almost crazy, at that moment I also think of some things that are still in my memory until now. I feel that all of that is slowly holding me back and until this moment I am very angry with such a fact. Not only that, but I also didn't even understand why it could come and instead made everything in this place even more confusing. Not long after, I started to think about this crazy thing until it felt like my body couldn't take it anymore. After that I tried to be calm, and it was no different from before. I have a feeling that this is just taking too much time to think about. Several times I saw all the things that I never understood, this made it all just like normal life. I started to lie down on my bed and imagined the beautiful dream that everyone always wanted. When I tried to close my eyes, until that moment I began to realize one thing that this time was actually quite disturbing. I feel that there are some strange things that seem to come and it's very disturbing. I felt it was just imagination and not long after I closed my eyes again and fell asleep. This time, in a different place, someone was waiting for his friend who then turned around when the person he was waiting for had arrived. The two of them then talked about something important and did not forget to congratulate their friend for getting an award. Not long after, his friend became silent and immediately made the person in front of him feel astonished. The man still looked gloomy as if he was not happy with what he got. The atmosphere became strange and until finally the person said something to his friend which made his friend immediately surprised when he heard what his friend said.
“Why did you suddenly bring up that person?”
"I don't think this was right from the start. What should have happened is not what should have happened.”
"God, you really are crazy. That's enough. And again, you don't have to think about that bitch you're just wasting your time.”
“Hey, is that woman really the bitch people are talking about? When I hear them say news, I think even the initials are wrong.”
"Who cares about that. What is clear is that it was directed at that person.”
"So, it's true?"
"Yes. Why do you ask?"
“Ah, just curious. Actually, a lot of people mention that kind of thing. That's why I want to know more about what it's like."
The two women continued to talk about something that was quite sensitive. After the two of them talked about it while laughing loudly and making other visitors glance at them both. Horrible night. While everyone was still happy with their own lives, right now all that was right before their eyes was darkness. Not long after that I woke up from my sleep which turned out to be not sound, it actually made my eyes feel sore. When I looked at the clock, it was still midnight. I got out of bed and took a glass of drinking water. It's really annoying to suddenly experience something like this. I returned to my room and just silent.
“Shit,” Julie muttered.
the next morning. When I woke up from sleep and after that I immediately left. It was at that moment that this thought started to make everything chaotic. It didn't stop there; I saw that there were several people who were quite popular were gathering somewhere. Not long after that I immediately rushed away quickly. There are several other reasons that make this thought even more dizzy. I didn't have to wait long, I finally decided to take the bus and at this time I saw that there were a lot of people who also seemed busy. They only glanced at me with a somewhat cynical look, and it didn't bother me at all and immediately sat down immediately. A few days earlier I heard lots of rumors from people and that made me even more sure that something had gone wrong all this time that I just never knew about. I felt that they all did it on purpose and never told me about it. At that time, I also started to feel annoyed and then hate them one by one. Even though I don't really want that, I don't think I can ignore all of this. Feelings like being betrayed are never even considered at all. I felt that loneliness until I felt used to it all. Every night, to be honest I often take a lot of sedatives just to sleep. When everyone started looking at me with the same eyes as usual, at that moment I was starting to get sick of them always being like that. Even at work it's not that different. I began to see this world with a view that had never enjoyed any of this. When all those things appeared, all I imagined was darkness getting deeper and thicker. I got that feeling that's always there when things start to bite. I'm standing right in this place like an idiot that's all I have in mind.
"What are you doing in this room?" one woman asked me.
“Ah, I was just picking up what I left behind.”
"Wait, you're just going to leave?"
"What?"
"Come with me."
“Ah, yes.”
"Sit down."
"Is there something you want to tell me?"
"Honestly, I have a lot of things to ask you. I've been seeing you like a different person lately. Is something bothering you?”
“Ah, I… no I don't think so. Maybe it's just your imagination."
"Is it true?"
"Of course. I speak the utmost truth."
“But I didn't see you telling the truth. So, what happened to you? Are you in trouble?"
"Ah, when it comes to that I don't know why."
“Among the people I always talk to, I feel like I see something in you. You're starting to feel uncomfortable with this environment, aren't you?"
"What? Why do you ask like that?"
“I'm just saying some of what I think. Is it true?"
"I told you before that there's nothing wrong with me. I feel as usual to feel the happiness that is always in front of my eyes. I don't feel anything strange. And maybe you misunderstood.
"Ah, that's good then. I'm glad to hear that too. Oh yeah, don't forget about the upcoming shooting schedule. you can't be late."
"Yes. Of course."
The conversation didn't last long. When I had decided to go, at that moment I saw something that I had never seen before. Someone started coming to this place and it was like they were waiting for that person. I had a feeling that if that person did come, it would only make this all the more interesting. At that moment I decided not to interfere in their affairs and went straight home. On the way home this time, it wasn't as fun as usual. I feel more and more confused with all the activities that turned out to be quite a burden on me. That's when I decided to go to a bar and have a drink. Arriving at a bar, I saw that there were several people who turned out to be the same as what I wanted to do. This time I ordered a drink with a low alcohol content. Not like usual. Some things that make all of my thoughts messy, I feel like I want to delete them even for a moment. When all of that started to come to my senses, I just assumed that there was a reality that I was trying to deny. At the same time, I told myself a lot about some of the confusion that had been inside of me lately. It all felt quite ridiculous, and it turned out to be a reality I had to accept for a very long time, and it made all of this feel terrible. While now I'm walking towards campus which is currently starting to arrive. I only saw a few people and that too I ignored. When it arrived, I watched the people who were here, and they were still the same as usual. I feel a dull sensation. Not long after I entered the room that will be used for today's class. When I arrived, they were apparently already in there and their eyes this time were really annoying. There was no warm welcome and only cynical glances. I saw a reality like this a long time ago.
"Hey, where have you been?" Ivana asked me.
"Ah, I'm not going anywhere."
"Really? Even though you often miss class. did something happen to you?”
"There isn't any."
“Is that so? Oh yeah, just ignore them.”
"What are you saying?"
"Hey, don't pretend to be blind. I also saw those who kept looking at you with eyes that seemed to want to kill you.”
"Ah, about that apparently. Why are you suddenly warning me like this?”
“Because there are some things, I must tell you.”
"What's that?"
“This is simply information I accidentally obtained. There are people who are starting to suspect what you're doing. I also don't know how that person got to be like that and you'd better be careful.”
"Ah, okay I understand. Thanks for telling me."
"Yes. Does not matter. Oh yeah, I was also wondering what you've been working on lately. You seem very busy?"
"Yes. I am indeed busy. There are some things I must do. That's why I have to take on a lot of work and do it all.”
“Wow. You're great. How can I be as productive as you are?”
"You just need to look for a lot of work and start with the easy things first."
“Ah, you're right. OK, I'll try that too. But I guess this will only last for a while. Do you know what kind of person I am?"
"Yes. I know."
He kept on talking until it didn't feel like class had started. This time I just paid attention to the material being presented and didn't listen to Ivana's ramblings anymore. After all today's activities are over, I intend to go to meditate. Not only that, but there are also lots of schedules that I have to do and one of them is that. After I decided to leave, at that moment Ivana called my name again and it was as if that person really wanted to follow me. Until I feel that it seems like this person is the same as other people. That assumption actually made my eyes dark, and my mind was chaotic again with the bad prejudice that came.
“Hey, why did you leave me,” shouted Ivana.
"What is it? I'm busy I have things to do."
"Ah, so it seems. I wanted to take you out to eat somewhere."
"Why?'
"Hah? Of course, because we are friends. Why are you even asking. Very weird. Let's go there."
"Wait a minute."
Ivana pulled my hand and this time I really stuck. Arriving at the place he meant, right now I can only follow him and it wasn't long before Ivana said a number of other things that actually made me feel very happy about the conversation. I don't feel normal and it's just awful.
"Ah, so that's why."
"Correct. I didn't expect it either," said Ivana.