Each step stings as I take them, I can't get to take my mind off reality, I can't get what I want, no matter how patient I am, yet patient doesn't mean that I am trying, I have always been patient, waiting, but with my hands folded, not making any attempt or try my best to add value to myself so that I can get that which I seek. I can remember the last time I tried to start working on my self, I made plans on how to get up and get my life straight in order, but no, I failed, I am a failure, I am nothing, no one wants me, I don't even want myself, I am miserable, so miserable.
     Opening the broken door and headed inside the house, I went straight to our couch, threw myself onto the couch and sat there miserably, looking at the ceiling.
     My mum is there in the hospital, living her last days because she never wanted to get better, she had always hidden her illness until this late. 
     Didn't she wanted me again?, Maybe she doesn't want to stay alive to watch her miserable son keep blaming her for everything, a stupid miserable son of hers who always thinks he's the victim while he goes on damaging peoples lifes and well being. Who am I?, Such a loser who haven't done anything to improve his life but is here seeking for love. No one love those who doesn't love themselves, how can I expect Deborah to love me when I have no love for myself.
     I closed my eyes, feeling fresh tears rolling down to the back of my head, my neck resting on the couch. It's almost seven in the evening, my mother is still there lying in the hospital, while me her stupid son is sitting here comfortably, still feeling like a victim, a godforsaken victim.
     My Dad would hate me wherever he is, his worst regret would definitely be giving birth to me and living me to make the love of his life suffer, just the one and only black sheep of the family, wish I had never been born, of what use am I, I know that I don't deserve better, Deborah gave me exactly what I deserve, rejection.
     Turning my head to the side, I find out that I never remembered to cover up the piano when I left before, I fixed my eyes on the piano, both stareing at each other.
     My father really left me with these, despite being a miserable son, my father still happened to love me and leave something behind for me. I can now recall Rose's song in my head, getting louder and louder as I stare at the piano. My dad really wanted me to use this piano and sing songs for my mum, what a miserable person I am, doesn't even value the greatest gift left for me by my Dad, if it was possible for him, he definitely would have carried it alongside him to the underworld.
     I stood up, my legs moving on autopilot as I went and sat down right in the seat for the piano, I was sitting here few hours ago, Rose singing beside me as my fingers press on the keys. I brought my right hand forward, tapped on one of the keys, the sound ringed in my head, so smooth and angelic, I think I have to go again.
     “ I'm so lonely broken angel, I'm so lonely listen to my heart,
Man dooset daram: Be cheshme man gerye nade: Na, nemitoonam: Bedoone to halam bade
I'm so lonely broken angel, I'm so lonely listen to my heart, On n' lonley, broken angel, Come n' save me before I fall apart
To harja ke bashi kenaretam: Ta akharesh divoonatam, To, to nemidooni, ke joonami, bargard pisham
I'm so lonely broken angel, I'm so lonely listen to my heart, On n' lonley, broken angel, Come n' save me before I fall apart
I'm so lonely broken angel, I'm so lonely listen to my heart, On n' lonley, broken angel, Come n' save me before I fall apart”.
     I never realized that I now have a pool of flowing tears, now I realize what Steve was trying to say, letting my emotions out, as hard as it still feels inside, I am a bit relived that I listen to my pianos calling, calling for me to share my miseries. 
     I took a deep breath, and exhaled, my chest following my movement, sometimes you have to let go and accept whatever life offers. In this my situation, I can't change what life placed on the table for me, all I have to do now is accept and move on with what's on the table for me and stop requesting for more than I should have. Guess it's about time I go see my mum.