Each step I took signals the accomplishment of my decision, I have made up my mind and what I planned is what I am going to do. The plan was to get to the kitchen by anyway, it's either the store room or the kitchen, it must be one between the two because I believe it's the right thing to do to end this all.
I can't seem to get the emotions together, it's more like I'm no longer feeling the pain of the situation, rather all I have to do is one thing, one thing that will make all this go away, taking my life.
The fact Ryan never wanted to bring this message to me was possibly because he knew what the outcome might be and he doesn't want to experience that, he can't expect me to live with all this, in this situation, no.
The warden is a cold and heartless coward, he doesn't care about what the outcome might be, he just gave out the information like it's nothing than an ordinary message, I don't understand why Ryan had to pass this message through him, but either way, the outcome was always going to be the same.
“ Are you supposed to be here?....”
I heard someone ask behind me, I turned around to see who it was, it was one of my cellmates, Karl, he was carrying some cooking stuffs with him, eyes on me. Few prisoners were there too, but no prison guard, they were the ones in charge of the food preparations.
“ I think I am lost, I was just coming out from the Warden's office....”
I said. He was giving me this suspicious look like he feels like I was telling lies, he's never gonna know anyways, whatever I tell him is what it is. “ Just follow the passage down to the extreme, then move to the right, you'll find the exit there....”
He directed me, but wouldn't stop staring at me. He was just as muscular as Mark, but Drew was the biggest amongst them, not just in our own cell, but in the entire prison, Drew was the biggest and possibly the strongest.
I thanked him, getting past the door of the kitchen as I headed towards the direction given to me. Instead of going outside where the others were at, I made my way into the bathroom area, I successfully picked up a kitchen knife and I believe it will give me exactly the result I wanted.
Staring at my reflection on the mirror, I can't really see my real self, all I can see was a ruined messed up man whose life has come to ruin by all that he has gone through, all that was before me in my reflection was nothing but pain and agony, a young man who has lost everything and have decided to give up on life, first was my wife cheating, second, she has been lying to me about her work and instead have been showcasing her private body on social media, giving out pleasure to men out there who doesn't really know anything about her, third, I was thrown out of my own home, fourth, out of depression and loneliness, I knocked down an innocent little boy who knows nothing about my anguish, and that incident landed me in the law court, fifth, I was Fucking divorced, divorced by my wife, by my so called Fucking wife whom I had loved and all my heart.... Sixth, Everything I have worked for my entire life was divided in two, Fucking divided and was given to a Fucking lady who doesn't know what I passed through to make that fortune, the grind, the sweat.... Seventh, I saw myself here in prison, Fucking landed in prison, no licence, my accessories seized, the few that I already got outside has been used to pay for compensation, as well as the child's surgery..... Eight, I was Fucking told my children doesn't belong to me, the children I Fucking trained, the children I Fucking raised was said not to Fucking belong to me!.... And the Fucking Ninth one was the loss of my parents, why?, Why would all this be happening to me?, What did I do wrong?, What did I Fucking do wrong?.
Now I'm about making it a tenth, a Fucking tenth that I fucking deserve, I'm going to take my life, since life wants to make me miserable, I'm going to show it that I have the ultimate power over myself and can decide my Fucking fate by my own self.
I began laughing at the guy in the mirror, he's such a horrible guy, nobody wants him, nobody needs him, even me myself, I don't Fucking want him again, I don't want to see him again, I want to make him turn cold and lifeless, I'll show him that he wouldn't be the one to ruin me, rather it's the other way round, I'm going to be the one ruining him.
With my hands raised high and the target aiming towards my heart, I saw myself flying, landing on the tiled floor fatally that I might possibly injure myself on the fall, the kitchen knife falling from my hands, the little sound it made echoing.
“ What the fuck are you doing?, Who the fuck told you that you can Fucking kill yourself?, Are you out of your Fucking mind?.....”
It was Karl, how did he find me here?, I thought he was cooking at the kitchen, what is he doing here?. I was just staring at him, he came closer to me, Chest rising and falling like he made a run here and was now gasping for breath.
“ You don't Fucking tell me what to do.... My life is mine and I can take it whenever I want!!!....”
“ And give it to whom?, And Fucking give it to whom?, Since it's yours and you take it, then die, who's gonna take it then?, Do you think you'll have it wherever you find yourself?, No!!!, Fucking no!!!, You didn't Fucking take it away, rather you throw it away, you want to Fucking throw your life away and I won't Fucking allow you to do that because you ain't the one who Fucking gave it to yourself!!!....”