At first I never knew what I was getting myself into, but now, I am scared of what I've gotten myself into. There's no doubt that I have fallen in love with Daisy, even though I have promised myself never to take women serious again, but here I am with this young lady who felt like the right person.
The problem is, at first, all of them feels like the right ones, though most of them can show you red flag even on their first impression, but mostly, being in my kind of position, you wouldn't detect those that are faking it all or those that are being real, this is one of those moments, having realized that I was in love, I can't really understand the situation again, more like I'm losing control, I'm losing that masculinity mindset just to accept another Jessica back into my life.
Life has been going to well for me to the point it's getting scary, that moment you realize that someone in particular have been offering you too much a lot of gifts that you now believe that the person has actually come to ask for a favor, maybe not now, but has set his or her plans for the future where you'll feel guilty to say no.
Though the worry was there, I never deviate from my daily task, accomplishment is a daily keyword, I don't joke with it, and with the level of my happiness, my mind is always open to ideas, open to new works new stories to write, getting inspirations from my daily movements and environment.
The memories of that day was still in my mind, though it has already been a week since the dive, the feelings were still clear like it was just hours ago. In between my works, the memories always find its way in, bringing smile onto my lips, reviewing the memories vividly, her high emotion that day and adrenaline rush, her screams and panic, all making me smile where I sat down with my laptop before me.
I was supposed to have finished my lunch some minutes ago, but I was still digging into them, not even half eaten yet because I was living a moment, a moment to always remember, I just wish things go well with us, I don't want a repeat of what happened between me and Jessica.
Speaking of Jessica, I saw her immediately her thought have crossed my mind, she came in into the restaurant I was in, putting on a casual outfit like last time, not even bothered by her dressing as she headed towards my direction. The closer she gets the faster I'm having a mood swing, like her presence irritates me.
I've tried within myself to forgive her, I've put in the effort so many times to let go of the past, but as soon as it arose, this is always the same feeling, like I was holding a grudge, I was carrying a burden inside my heart, a burden that I can't lift.
“ Hey..... Can I sit?....”
She asked. I have the opportunity to just tell her no, that I need no company of her kind, but would that be so mature of me, considering that she's now giving me the respects I never had then. I was looking at her, knowing that I'll have to respond fast if I wanted her to join me, but as well, she can tell that she wasn't welcomed if my answer was delayed, both choices are good to me either way.
“ You can have a seat....” I granted her request, with a smile on her face, she took the seat before me. This face was still that same face that never looked my side when I was standing in that counter, that same face that come to the cell I was kept in, only to serve me our divorce paper, this was still the same Fucking lady I lived under the same roof with and she allowed me to train a little boy that doesn't belong to me for four Fucking years, and on top of that, bringing home a man to use our Fucking matrimonial bed, fuck her.
All those emotions, all those thoughts was washing through me, but in the outside, I was just blank, showing no emotions at all, eyes staring at those smiling face, those face that its smile was so contagious was now the face its smile brings me nothing but hate.
“ Fuck it.... I don't wanna be here!...”
I stood up immediately, leaving my food unfinished, about to walk away, but she blocked me, holding my arm, those wicked smiles fading, replaced with pain. “ Please don't go....” she begged with a low tone, thinking that those Fucking low voice which usually gets to my head will do the same work like it was used to before.
“ What the fuck?!.... Did you just say please?....”
I spoke out of anger, getting the attention of the other customers around, I had to wave my hand on the air to apologize for my disturbance before getting back at her. “ Who the fuck are you pleading to?.... Did you Fucking accept my please when I begged?, Fuck!.... I don't wanna think about this shit anymore....”
I slipped my bill under the unfinished meal as I gently get her out of my way, immediately regretting that I ever touched her with my hands right now. Leaving the exit, I headed towards my car, not looking back to see whether she was following me or not, but the silence broke when I heard her behind me, she was definitely coming after me.
“ Please I'm sorry.... I really am Jerome, I don't know what to say, I don't know how to plead, I'm just lost of words, my wickedness towards you is something an apology couldn't actually solve, I deserve exactly this reaction from you, but I still gotta try, please just listen to me....”