Oh God, what the fuck am I doing?, why am I even here listening to her, how did she even Fucking get here?, was she following me?, this area wasn't even close to the area we met the last time, but here she is, definitely stalking me.
I turned around, seeing her standing behind me, interlocking her fingers, tears in her eyes, hair tied to a pony making her face all visible. This was the same woman I could possibly take a bullet for, but right now, I can't even accept a favor or gift from her because she's the Fucking devil. I know that I am sounding to rude inside my head and immature, but this late ruined me, but the pains she caused made me the man I am today, just like Karl would say, everything happens for a reason, best for you to look towards the positivity of an action than focus on the negativity that will leave you in ruin, without Jessica, I would never know that life is Fucking sweet when you live everyday like it was the last.
I was now waiting for her to speak, maybe granting her a last favor in appreciation for building me into a man that I am today. She was in a big polo top and jeans, a flat slipper, some kind of dressing meant for home.
“ I'm ashamed of myself Jerome, the truth is, I never knew that it will all turn out this way, my life became a mess ever since you was out of the picture, those I thought that loved me didn't actually care about me and the only one that did was locked up for something I pushed him into, I couldn't forgive myself if I never got forgiveness from you, I've been praying.... Hoping for this moment, hoping to see you again, to tell you that I know exactly the kind of devilish and evil person I was, coming into your life, ruining everything and leaving you that way to suffer by yourself. I'm really sorry Jerome, I really am....”
Her words did get to me, like always, like she always knew it would when given the chance because both of us knew that I've a soft spot for her, one that I can't and couldn't seal off even if she disappears.
“ Point of corrections, you might think that you're a devil, sure, anyone could say that, I could say that too, but the real truth behind all this is that you're not actually the devil, rather, you're the angel in my story and the devil in yours.....”
I can see the misunderstanding look written across her face, she possibly doesn't understand, but doesn't feel like she was in the right position to ask for details, considering all that she had done. But if she wasn't going to ask, then I'm going to tell her myself.
“ I believe you've heard the saying, the devil you know is better than the angel you don't know. You can detect what the devil can do, how dangerous he is and the length he or she could take things, but that angel you don't know can stab you on the back when you list expect it, he or she would ruin you mercilessly to the point where you can't get back up, only because you never knew how dangerous he or she can be.....”
She seemed to have understood what I was trying to explain, because she squatted down, hiding her face on her knees before me, like making herself too small would make her invisible before me, like she can just disappear without a trace by folding herself that way.
“ You didn't ruin me Jessica, rather you made me whole, you made me whom I am today, your teaching showed me the light and right now, I've gotten to understand what you've been trying to teach me all this while, if to say of whom my better friend was, it's you, you're my real friend, the one who taught me about life. When we was taught to trust no one, I believed in the teaching, but I can tell that 99% others living on this Earth believes it too, but only 1% is living up to that teaching, only because we never had the understanding required to break down the real meaning of that teaching. I love the Man you made me become, and right now, I am grateful that you did all you did, Your act shows that God loves me too much, teaching me what I knew now through the hands of my most loved person.....”
I walked closer to her, pulled her up to stand straight before me, then I hugged her, I just realized that despite all this time spent, I truly never learned the real teaching that has been given to me, I have been despising her, not realizing that without her, I'm not much better than the other pussies out there that haven't learnt the hard way yet.
“ I forgive you Jessica, I really do....”
That's when she let it all go, crying into my embrace, realizing that she too just got the forgiveness she seek just the way I've been seeking peace within me and just found it now. The hug lasted for minutes, until she was done crying, I let go of her, allowing her to move back a little, that's when she made the expected move to kiss me, but no, I am not dog that goes back to its shit, who does that?, Pussies?.
“ No Jessica, I forgive you as a person, you deserve the forgiveness, but only a stupid dog goes back to its stool to lick them, I'm no dog Jess, just a guy who learnt the hard way, yet brave enough to proceed with life like he never had a toxic past....”
I can see the disappointment come onto her feature, but that's her problem, not mine, anyways, that's how life works, you beg for forgiveness, you get the forgiveness, but the punishment for your sin will always be yours to go through, no skipping that.