I don't know what people out there might call it, but for me, I can call it boundaries, setting boundaries for myself, for people out there, for my well being. I know he might possibly think he was looking out for me, but I guess he doesn't know he was stepping out of line. Trying to stay respectful and cool headed, walking out was the best option, at least before I did, I let him know my reasons.
I've seen many people do that, unfailingly, I was one of them, that's why I don't really blame him. I can remember all I used to say, my reaction towards those jacked guys, I usually say stuff like, this people are just destroying themselves for no reason, this people are just getting themselves shapeless, this people this, this people that, but in conclusion, I was just lazy, lazy to get my ass up and work on myself, remembering that I did all that back then put me in a state of being ashamed and embarrassed of myself.
The people I was criticizing were taller compared to me, they were bigger compared to me, they're as well stronger compared to me, those people can protect their loved ones compared to me, they were more attractive compared to me and all I was doing was criticizing them behind their back because I was too scared to say those words before them, and to me then, I believed that I was living the best life until Jessica taught me the lesson of my life.
Karl was there for the rescue, he's the reason I began working on myself, upgrading myself, trying to improve. I was too lazy at first, thinking that if I go to the gym just ones or twice or even a week, that I would become like them, all that was proved wrong to me when I began, all thanks to Karl, he was the reason I never quitted, he wasn't just training my body, he was as well training my mindset, teaching me resilient and ambitious, teaching me that giving up makes me a loser, that I should always push past my boundaries.
Out of all he taught me, one that will never leave my memory even if I happened to end up with amnesia is, he asked me about discipline, I told him into about someone doing what's need to be done, no matter how he's feeling, tired, energetic, ambitious, no matter the situation, they do what's need to be done, that's the definition of being disciplined, self discipline.
He agreed with me about my explanation, but the example he gave me will always stick in my mind. He told me that, those working on themselves are the disciplined ones, I agreed with him though, having seen how painful it was to build yourself, not something you really wish to embrace at first. He told me that they're too cautious of their body, their physique, their wellbeing, they deny themselves self luxury when it comes to what they eat, they force themselves to eat what's ought to be eaten for the nutrients it provides, rather than eating what they're really drawn too, they like all this junkies, all this sugary foods and alcohols, but due to the consequences at stake, they decide to deny themselves the pleasure, you can hardly see them drinking a lot at parties because they mostly see those alcoholic drinks as poison to their physique, everything or every decision they make their physique comes first.
Having known all that, I do agree with him, those men willing to push themselves to the next level are the resilient and disciplined ones, your physique is the physical manifestation of your discipline, you can't buy it, you can't borrow, you can't even steal it, you've to work for it and show how strong your mindset is.
Those teaching changed my life for good, and here is Ryan, trying to teach me otherwise, saying that he doesn't like it, as if I was Fucking building myself for him. I know we don't handle phone in the prison, but that wasn't the reason I gave up with watching porn, even when I was married, I watched porn, at home, in the office, in hidden places, I always watch porn, jacking off to it, but now, the thoughts irritates me, I can remember when I was put into that prison, even during my first month there, I was masturbating, using the prison soap on my dick, but the more further I go into building and upgrading myself, I have happened to stay four months celibate now, I masturbating few times on my second month there, but that's where it all came to an end.
With higher testosterone in my body because of my consistency in training, I no longer look down on myself, rather I see myself as one who can now be referred to as a Man, a look like a man, I walk like a Man, I command like a Man and I remain silent and relaxed in tough situations like a man should, no panicking.
I hate the Man I was, but I still believe that it was because of that Man that I am who I am today, his messed up behavior made me into a changed man, and life experience got that shitty me out from being a Fucking cunt.
I got the receipt for the car I have gone to purchase, falling in love with black ever since I became a prisoner, more like my whole personality now, comes from there, and I now appreciate the fact that I was ever taken there, passed my six months test and out here to live with all I've learnt.
It was a Blake Ferrari, I've the money to purchase it, why shouldn't I?. I snapped the receipt and then digged it into my pants pocket, will be getting it to Ryan soon, but for now, it's about time to handle a car again after six months apart.