The next day, i felt so lifeless as usual. It felt that my energy was completely drained after yesterday. I successfully did it! I never imagine myself this tough that made me so proud of me!
No matter how worse the thing you have done there will be always be a way to correct it out.
And I'm so proud i have find that way already. I'm slowly but surely correcting my mistakes, even if it will kill me. In exchange, i know I'll have a clean conscience and peace of mind after this.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes tightly.
"You can do it Sam, i have to do this," i cheered myself up.
And took a deep breath again before bravely marched inside our classroom to face Blaire.
After introducing her to Light, the next thing i'm gonna do is to introduce everything about Light to Blaire.
I hardly wished and prayed that i'll never broke down in the middle of telling her about Light.
Gosh self, cooperate please!
I silently exhaled again when I'm already meters away from her.
I fisted my hands and called her. "Blaire,"
In a slow phase, she looked at her back and suddenly widened her eyes and stood up.
"Omg! Samy!" she stated out of glee.
And because of it. I know, i need to overcome another torture again.
"Hi," I forcefully sound like cheerful and okay.
"Hi!!" she answered.
I walked towards her and forced myself again to smile while helding her hand.
It's still two hours from our first subject so i'm gonna use this time to do the thing i really needed to do.
"I...uhm," i swallowed.
"I already introduced you to Light." I almost clapped a myself for managing my voice not to croak.
Blaire's eyes immediately goes wide upon hearing what i have said.
"Really?!! W-what was his reaction?!" Blaire excitedly asked.
I smiled and swallowed.
"He...was amazed by...you," i answered that made her shrieked even more.
"Are you for real?! OMG! Don't kid on me about this Samy, I'm warning you!" She pouted.
"I'm not lying." I forced a laugh, "It's true,"
Blaire jump out of glee again while her cheeks are being too red. Too transparent.
She's just too pure, how can I even aim to hurt her?
"So now..." I swallowed hardly. "So that you two will know each other...I'll introduce him to you," i stated.
Blaire cheerfully nodded and quickly took her seat.
"Sure!!" she actively answered and waited for the things i'm gonna tell.
"Light..." as soon as I mentioned his name. Pain immediately gushed inside my whole system that i felt so sour. I don't like this kind of feeling. But I know I really needed to continue this.
"He's the best guy...Caring, loving, sweet, gentleman, handsome. All kinds of compliments he deserves," i dreamily stated but my heart is getting heavier every second.
"He's cold and ruthless if you look his outer facade but if you can see his inner personality, he's too different from those." I smiled remembering his sweetness upon me even that time when he put down some jokes.
How i wish, i am the only on who can witness that side of him. But at least i was the first one right?
I simply rubbed my overweight chest before continuing to tell her about Light.
"If in the future he'll find someone to love, then that girl would be the luckiest ever," because she'll gonna live and have everything that i have to live without.
I mentally added.
"Aww, i hope i'm that lucky girl." Blaire dreamily stated.
I forced a smile.
"You will. I'm gonna make sure of that," i weakly stated trying myself not to broke down in front of her.
"Kyaah! I'm already the luckiest girl Samy because i have you! Thank you so much!" she happily hugged me.
"Ditto, Blairy. Ditto," i replied.
No matter what it takes, i'm gonna make sure that Blaire will receive what she deserves.
I never failed on matchmaking even once, i'm so sure of that.
"Thank you." I smiled at the taxi driver after getting my change.
He nodded and drove his taxi away so i directly crossed the road to go to my boarding house.
I badly wanna take some rest.
My whole day was too exhausting, i shared to Blaire everything about Light, his hobbies and behavior.
Well, i think my whole week on this month was really exhausting. And i don't want it to last for month.
I tiredly walk towards the pathway leading me to my room while both of my hands are hanging low. Not until, a familiar posture was taken at my peripheral vision that made me fixed my posture.
I tighten the hold of my bag as i move my whole body to face at Light's direction. Few meters away from me, i saw him leaning at his car's bumper at the parking lot nearby my boarding house, that he used to park while doing something on his phone.
I stared at him and think about the possible thing he's doing, not until my phone on my pocket rung indicating that someone called, the reason why i immediately looked at my skirt.
With a shaking hand, i tiredly took out my phone to see who called.
I slightly gasped upon seeing Light's name flashed on my screen, already answered my question earlier.
It took me minutes to decide what to do until later on, i already saw myself swiping my phone's screen up to answer him.
"Hello," i greeted.
[Hey, where are you?] he asked.
I took a deep breath.
"Look straight," i ordered.
He automatically followed and immediately smiled when our eyes met but i didn't reply especially when he started to walk towards me.
"Why are you here?" i asked.
He smiled and raised his hand attempting to fix my hair but I immediately shooed it away.
The reason why he's forehead knotted.
"Mood swing again?" he smilingly asked.
"Why are you here?" i hardly asked.
Light chuckled.
"I'm here for you and our baby. In general, i'm here for my family," he softly answered.
I sucked my breath but i immediately wiped my emotions away.
"Go home," i said with authority.
"Love?" he confusedly asked.
"Go home," i repeated.
"Love–"
"I said go home!!" i exclaimed and let go of his hand who's trying to hold me.
"Love, you're my home," he playfully answered.
I stopped and loosen my hold on him, but when I realized my reaction, i glared at him that made him chuckled even more and raised both of his hands to surrender.
"Do we have a problem? Hmm?" he gently asked and stayed his hand still, not attempting to hold me again.
"I said go home, Light! Can't you understand it!!" i irritably asked.
"Woah, chill. Fine, fine," he surrendered.
"But let me go with you to your room first," he negotiated.
I immediately shook my head. "No. Don't,"
Light blew a deep breath before nodding. But his eyes, didn't leave me. Especially my face. "You have an eyebags," he stated and looked at me.
I saw him clenched his jaw that made me shrink in fear, but feeling too tired i heavily sighed. "Light, please..." i whispered but it's just enough for him to hear it.
His jaw clenched again and nodded.
"Alright," he sweetly smiled and turned his back from me.
I exhaled widely that made my heart broke even more.
The side of my eyes started to heat, then later on my tears started to form. It didn't take long time, it immediately streamed down to my face while looking at his back.
We may share and be with each other even in just a few span of time. He immediately occupy a space on my heart and my soul, that's why i can't let go of him that fast.
If only we're in a different situatio– i immediately shrugged my thoughts away and quickly dried my tears while looking him who's walking away from me.
"L-light," i weakly called.
I thought he didn't hear it but he directly turned her back towards me.
"What is it?" he hopefully asked.
I bravely insert my hand inside my pocket while suppressing my tears to come out again.
I tightly bit my inside cheek as soon as i lift the paper outside.
The paper where Blaire's phone number was written.
"That's the right girl for you. Be happy. I'm so sorry," i quickly stated and turned my back towards him.
"Love, what do you mean?" he indistinguishably asked.
"Go now! Don't run after me, or else i'll be very mad at you," i warned and fastly run away towards my room.
Finally, letting my tears to go out freely not stopping it this time.
Even with a blurry sight, i continue running away.
Letting my heart broke, it's already broke in a million pieces in this past few days anyway.
My face is already wet but it seems that my tears is limitless.
No matter how hard i try to stop crying, it even triggers my tears to fall and fall nonstop.
I don't even know where i am right now, i don't know where place i'm running already.
Thinking that i'm lost, i stopped running and catch my breath.
Eventually a warm and comforting arms enveloped me that made my breathing hitched, i don't even know how come i'm still alive even when i'm still catching my breath.
"You're going to a wrong direction," he whispered.
My heart broke again, i don't know how many time does it need to be broken but it just broke again.
My knees turns to jelly the reason why i almost dropped on the floor, thankfully he's hugging me that gives me a support to stay standing.
"Didn't i told you not to run after me?" i weakly asked.
"Stop doing this please...." i begged.
But he didn't listen, he even embraced me more tightly and stucked his head on my shoulder.
I weakly closed my eyes while noisily crying.
"I can't, love. What's the problem? Did I do something wrong? Why are you upset? Hmm? Tell me," he softly whispered, asking.
His breath hit on my shoulder the reason why i felt chill and shivers that made me cry even more.
I slightly shooked my head.
No. You didn't do something wrong. I was the one did.
"Stop seeing me," i bitterly stated.
"No," he answered stubbornly.
"Give me a valid reason to do everything you're asking right now. Valid reason," he hardly stated.
I opened my mouth to find some air.
"No need," i shook my head and tried to let go from his hold.
"Then I'm not doing what you're telling me to do," he whispered and dug his head on my shoulder even more.
My shoulder fell because of what he said.
"Light please don't do this," i begged weakly but he just stubbornly shook his head. "Valid reason,"
"We're not yet starting, yet you're ending us already," he whispered that made my closed my eyes because so much pain.
No. We should not start. We don't have to start. We're not on the place.
I tightly closed my eyes and using my remaining strength, i go out from his hug. And thankfully I successfully go out, or he just let me.
I bravely faced him not minding my wet face.
"Why can't you understand?! Just leave me alone!! Is it too hard to understand? Huh?!" i exclaimed.
"I told you to give me a valid reason to do that," he tiredly said.
I frustratedly disheveled my hair.
"It's because there's no us!! W-we're not in a relationship! This isn't appropriate!!" I shouted but quickly looked away, when i realized what i said.
No! It's not the reason i needed to tell!
From the side of eyes, i saw him smiled.
He walk closer to me, so i immediately step backward.
"I thought you already understood what i'm doing this past days," he scratched his head.
"All right, to make it formal," he stated and held my hands. This time, he already caught it. Really tired of everything, I just let him.
"Love, can i court you? Although i already wanted to marry you right after you graduate but you're right, we should take this slow. So, permit me to court you please?" he tenderly asked.