"A-ah...N-n–" i heavily sighed and preferred not to speak, instead i looked at Light who's also looking at me with a glint of happiness on his eyes. My heart beat troubled again but i acted like i'm not affected with it.
"Let me court you," he stated again. He's not even asking.
"Or let me be your boyfriend and i'll court you until the last air that will come out from my lungs," he said as an option and smiled sheepishly.
I shook my head, i'm tired and exhausted of everything but i can't deny that his presence and what he's talking about is kinda making me feel good.
But again, it's not right. This shouldn't continue this way, so i shook my head three times before looking at him. "I'm sorry,"
"I'm too exhausted right now. I can't deal with everything, i wanted to be alone. I-i...just leave me please?" i tiredly asked.
"What i said earlier was just the result of my exhaustion. I badly wanted to rest, and it means without your presence. I'm sorry, i don't want to see you right now. I have no plans on being courted by you, i'm sorry again...I-i just can't...understand w-what to do anymore..." And again, my emotions triggers the reason why i wasn't be able to stop myself from broking down in front of him.
"Love please, tell me what's your problem," Light tenderly said while holding both of my hands, not letting me to collapse.
I tiredly shook my head again. "I shouldn't,"
"J-just...please...leave me for now...I really wanted to rest first," i weakly shooed his hands away from my arms and without having a second thought i quickly turned my back at him.
Directly to my room, thankfully he didn't ran after me anymore.
After entering in my room, i slowly walked at the window on the back portion of my boarding house where we're earlier, to look whether what Light is doing.
I tinily swift my curtain and peek through it.
From there, i saw a frustrated Light.
I saw how he ran his fingers through his hair and punched the wall. I saw how he wet his lips while looking at my room and i saw how he pinched his nose really don't know what to think and do about me. I witnessed how hard it was for him, that made me blame myself even more.
Why do we need to experience this? The most important people in my life is hurting and it's because of me. It's because of me, no one else. If only i know how to manage and stop myself from being driven by lust and selfishness. We will never end up this way, we'll never go through in this way.
I weakly let go the curtain from my hold when Light disappointedly walk towards the parking lot probably going home. I leaned my whole weight to the wall and looked up.
How i wish, i'm only one who's hurting right now while fixing my own mess. But unfortunately Blaire and Light were in. I'll accept that i needed to be hurt and i know that I deserve this because i choose this way, but making Light and Blaire hurting also, made me insane. Well, i think it's one of destiny's way to punish me. Seeing the people you love hurting is really more painful than feeling the pain on your self alone.
I wiped my tears away and moved to change my clothes.
I already know this would be tough, but i never imagined this worse. That Blaire and Light will get hurt also.
Evening comes but i'm not on myself. I was just keep on staring at my ceiling thinking why i have to be in this situation. This is too tough for me, i think I can't get through this. But it's my mistake in the first place though, if just...if only I discipline myself then I'll never be in this situation. But what could i do? I'm already here.
I heavily sighed and buried my face at my knee.
Starting this day, I'll never met Light again. I'll do my very best to avoid him if i can. I still don't know how to tell him the truth, most especially that i'm not really pregnant. I just can't believe this, i came this far by just telling Light that i'm pregnant and he's the father. What could be happen if he didn't believe me? Are we still gonna end up like this? I think not.
For their second time, i deeply sighed again to stopped what i'm thinking and continued my plans.
I need to avoid Light as much as i can. To avoid on having interactions with him, most especially that i'm too fragile and soft-hearted. I can be ceased easily, so i really need to distance myself from him. I just hope he'll understand me, even though I know that what i'm doing this past few days is already too hard to understand. I was really astonished that he can still manage to smile at me despite of me keeping a lot of secrets from him.
As a part of my plan, i have decided that i'll send Light something about Blaire. A way also for him to know Blaire better, i just hope that he'll never disregard it. Especially that i'll act as an intruder and a mystery stalker of him because of my set-up. It was the most efficient plan, i have think off. To be like a stalker, i'm just gonna put the things i needed to give outside of his office or at guard of his company. I just couldn't think of something else, my brain seems to not functioning well this past few days.
Following my plan, right on Saturday i saw myself standing few blocks away from his company's entrance in an outfit that nobody would recognize me as me. My body was wrapped by clothe, the only thing that they could saw me is my eyes so i'm confident that no one will notice me.
I tightly hold the box that i'm going to give to the guards. This box contains a files, showing Blaire's talent. There's a video here of Blaire singing while strumming a guitar, there's also a video of Blaire dancing and playing piano. I'm so sure that Light will be impressed by these, if only he'll watch this. Especially that i'm not answering his calls and messages already, so i successfully finalized my plan.
Base also, from the news I've heard, their company is merging to a company, so as one of the heirs of their business, Light will be having a lot of things to do that made him no time to visit me, that was my advantage. Though i can't deny that i'm missing him. His presence, his smell, his smile and his carreses on my tummy. I missed it, but i know it's forbidden. I have no right, so i'll just settle with this.
I keep on standing in a block with no people while keep on peeking at the company's main door, waiting for a right time.
And when, i saw that the people going out and in became less, i took that as a change to get closer to the guards to do my plan.
I carefully walked near them with a shaking hands. I'm hardly hoping that no people would come first so that i can do this properly.
Two meters away from the guard's post, the guard number one noticed me. He immediately poked his companion, the reason why they are now both staring at me.
"Do you have a problem, Miss?" the taller guard asked.
I tightly hold the box before giving it to him. "Kindly give this to your boss, this is just too important," i begged while both of my hands are offering them the box.
I saw they both knot their forehead. "If you want to talk to our boss, you must schedule an appointment with him,"
I directly shocked my head. "There's no need. I don't have to talk to him, it's in here," i simply shake the box the reason why they get it.
"Alright, we'll do our best to give this to him," the smaller guard answered and received the box.
"Thank you. Thank you so much," i delightfully thanked. I thought i needed to asked them a lot of times, but they can be talked easily and nicely.
"It's our job, Miss," the taller guard answered while the other guard is placing the i box gave on their cabinet.
"But still, thank you," i heartfully said and turn my back at them because the people coming are getting plenty again. Some even can't stop staring at me because of what I wear.
I directly go back to where i'm standing earlier and continued peeking at them. I'm still waiting for Light and to see his reaction, i'm gonna make sure first that he'll receive it.
I stayed for almost an hour there standing and just watching to the company's main entrance meters away from me. Until a minute, my wish suddenly granted.
I shiny black sports car, arrived and park on the company's parking lot that made my heart beat faster.
I closed my eyes and slightly spat my chest to stop my heart from beating loudly and fastly but it couldn't be stopped.
From inside, a handsome, tall man swiftly go out and manly fixed his suit that made my throat dry.
Shit, seeing him like this. Seeing him in this mood and aura, is too much for me. He's too hot to handle!
Like what i react, every people around him can't help but to moved their neck to face and stare at him while he's just busy fixing his cuffs completely unaware of the scene he made.
I slowly wiped my chest because its violent thud isn't stopping yet. My heart could really bring me to harm.
After fixing his cuffs, he swiftly close his car's door and started to walk with authority towards the entrance. Every people he's passing through always step back and greeted him, can't also resist his hotness.
The two guards greeted him and showed him the box that i gave that made him stop from entering the glass door. While on the other hand, i stop my breath and stare at them nervously silently wishing that Light will accept it.
They talk for minutes before Light finally accepted the box i gave that made close my eyes in satisfaction. Knowing that i successfully made my plan and knowing that anytime right now, he'll be amazed by Blaire.
And because of that thought, my chest started to contract in pain despite that it just beat widely because of the scene earlier, thinking of Light falling in love with Blaire.
I looked up on the sky and smiled bitterly.
When this will end? When does my sorrows would end?
I'm too tired to feel pain over and over again.