I suddenly felt weak. I don’t even know why I feel this way. It was as if there’s new baggage that I have to carry.
The way he looked at me before he left scares me. I feel like he would stay away from me after this.
I don’t want to lie in him, I still like Xavier. I just know to myself that I couldn’t just remove it right away, although my feelings for him is not the same as before. If I was hopeful before that we could still fix things between us but I don’t expect anything anymore.
I want to tell Lucas about that but he didn’t let me finish. Maybe he thinks that I was just flirting with him.
Is it really that, Veronica? Are you just flirting with him? What do you really feel towards Lucas?
I almost pull my own hair as I thought of that. I also lost my appetite and even do anything. I don’t remember how I was able to go in my room and change my clothes. I feel so heavy so I let myself cry until I fell asleep.
I woke up feeling thirsty. I pushed myself to get up and get some water but I suddenly felt dizzy so I sat down again. I looked at the wall clock and saw that it’s already 2:30 am. I tried to stand up again and even though I couldn’t properly balance myself, I decided to go to the kitchen and got some water.
I let myself move slow and I almost finish the whole pitcher of cold water because I feel hot. After that I couldn’t go back at my room because I feel weaker. I just rest on my sofa.
I took out my phone and dialed Gail's number. I'm not sure if she's awake but I'm hoping she is. I missed her so much, I felt like she knows what I should do.
I sighed when the call ended. She hasn't picked up, maybe she's asleep now.
I took away my phone and started crying again. I am just confused of myself. I wanted to figure out myself, I wanted to make sure of my feelings but I couldn’t. I feel like this happens so fast, that I am being reckless so I don’t want to say something that I am not yet sure.
I don’t know when I started to accept that I and Xavier has no chance. Now I’m not sure about Lucas too, I just know him. He’s nice, and I couldn’t deny that I kind of like him but still I don’t want to be impulsive. As much as possible, I wanted to make sure of everything first.
Lucas is sweet, his actions shows that he likes me but he never said that he really do. I don’t want to assume anything because that was my mistake when Xavier made me feel special. I don’t want to be reckless, I know fore sure that I couldn’t take another situation again. I’m scared I would push myself towards someone again.
But when I saw Lucas left, I feel like I couldn’t breathe. I’m scared. I realized that even with that short period of time that I get to know him and I spend time with him, he made me feel things I never expected to feel, that’s why I feel like I learned to like him that fast.
I cried and cried until I feel so tired and fell asleep.
The next day, I woke up with a soft touch in my forehead. I opened my eyes and saw Gail that is silently checking up on me.
“Gail,” I said barely heard myself but she still looked at me. She sighed and shook her head, looking problematic.
“You didn’t take care of yourself again, Veronica Marchella?” she asked a bit annoyed. She sat beside me.
“When did you arrived?” I tried hard to ask her. She looked at me still annoyed and rolled her eyes on me.
“I got home last weekend, I just couldn’t drop by because I have a lot of things to do and some meeting about the business trip I had. You called but I couldn’t answer because I’m asleep. When I saw your missed calls I know for sure that something is up so I got here right away. What happened to you? Why are you sick and why is your eyes sore?” she asked, worried.
So even though it’s a bit hard to talk, I still managed to tell her what happened from my conversation with Xavier to how Lucas asked me about us. Sometimes I have to stop and rest for a while to feel better before continuing my story. 
She was too annoyed and shock that she almost pulled my hair even though I’m sick.
“Are you damn serious, Vy? I mean, I’m so happy and glad that you finally woke up with your craziness to that Xavier. But what the hell are you talking about Lucas? You want me to slap you? That Lucas is Samantha’s driver, you already forget about that? What if he’s just messing around? What if that Samantha asked him to make a fool of you? What if it’s their plan to make you fall in love with that man and you are here telling me you are confused?” she said really annoyed. I didn’t say a thing and just let her talk.
I also thought of that. That’s why I distanced myself to Lucas before. I was too scared he’s connected with Samantha but when I get to know him, I just felt like he’s not doing this for the sake of a plan.
“Okay let’s give him a benefit of the doubt. Let’s say he really likes you but what if he’s doing this because Samantha told him to do so? And that girl suddenly make you look like a slut what will you do? Don’t tell me you didn’t realize that maybe, Xavier confronted you because of that girl. What if this is all her plan?” she continued her lament as she prepare our food. 
“I don’t know, Gail. I wasn’t really nice with Lucas before. He even knew that I tried to avoid and stay away from him as much as I can. But he really wanted to know me before, he listened to all of my stories. Why does he have to do all of that for me if this is all for the sake of their plan?” I still couldn’t talk straight but Gail managed to understand what I’m saying. She sat beside me and gave me some food.
“Because it was his job to obey Samantha, Vy.”