Today is the day, the day we've all been waiting for, she's to leave Jack's place and head to my place just as we all planned, or so she says, but either way, I was still expecting her arrival.
My relationship with Lydia haven't been the same, there's this crack now left in between us, though everything is trying to go exactly as normal and I was trying to move on from that, she keeps pushing to have that closeness between us, more like she liked the way we came to become comfortable around each other than the way I have to try getting away from her friend zone.
She knocked, then came in, that charming smile on her face, but I can tell that it's a fake because it wasn't reaching her eyes, and it looks forced too. Lydia is an authentic lady, one who knows what quality means, I can give her that respect, but the fact she's trying to save a friendship and I am pulling away should get her to understand that I have no interest again, I might be c**ky from other's perspective, but this is what I have to do to protect myself from loosing myself for the love I have for her, as much as I wish to bring her close and make her realize the comfort she brings to my mind, I still have to stay away because I am sure of one thing, it will never work between us.
“ I have already organized everything and completed all the settings, with your permission, I will now head to your home to prepare for your sisters arrival....”
“ Okay. ”
She waited to see whether I had something else to say, I probably don't know exactly what she's thinking, but if I have to be a c*ward just to protect myself, then I will be. She gently turned to leave, but then returned to me again.
“ Is there anything else you wish for me to grab for you on my return....”
I just closed my eyes, took a deep breath, knowing what she's doing, but this is a critical situation where any mistake might possibly change her mind automatically, maybe she will get to believe that I no longer show her the respect she deserved and might even quit on the spot, not caring about the money. I had to make that move because she never even cared for the money on the first place, the fact I won't be seeing her work for me again when things gets worse hunts me.
“ No.”
There was some more seconds pause before she headed out of my office, I just closed my laptop I dropped my head down on my table before me, F**k..... What is this?, Am I being a lunatic right now, this lady is trying to do everything for me, but just that things aren't going to work between us, here I'm, being a pain in the a**.
All this madness should stop, I've to apologize, even though I haven't done any harm physically, I've probably made her uncomfortable mentally and that's possibly affecting her wellbeing, yet she's trying to numb them all, I have the feelings that's this was the last try she was giving our relationship a shot of survival, she's definitely thinking inside the cab she's in now, I have that feeling deep inside me.
I closed the office, knowing that I have to drive back home if I am to see her, this would be the first time I am heading home during working hour and that's because I have taken things too far to the point it's definitely going to affect all my activities in my schedule if she ever made that decision to quit, I can never let another person handle my stuffs just like she does, my works are so confidential and she's the only one I trust with it.
Parking my car inside my garage, I noticed a familiar vehicle in my driveway, it's Benita's, she's here. I headed upstairs, she has a spare key, as well as my parents, Jack doesn't, he understands that I need my privacy as a man, I can't even recall if my Dad has any, but I was completely sure about three women having spare keys into my apartment, Lydia, Mom and Benita.
Unlocking my door, I stepped in into my apartment, hearing their voices distance away, they weren't loud, more like it was a normal tour conversation, but Benita already knows everything in my home, maybe Lydia is just showing her things she got because I asked her to handle stuffs based on what she herself might want.
“ You can't understand Benita, it wasn't my choice, I had to do that because that's the only option I've got, I know you possibly think that I am selfish for thinking that way, for leaving without any notice, but it was too hard for me too, you of all people should understand, you know me too well to feel like I intentionally walked away, I didn't and you know that....”
Am I hearing clearly, the crying voice was coming from the guest room and I know whom it belongs to, only her has those Angelic voice that sounds so smooth, yet metallic. I reduced the intensity of my footsteps so they can't hear me.
“ I know that, but.... But I don't know why I still feel this way, I don't know why I am still angry and pissed off with you, you could at least have given me a heads up on your plans, that will at least make it less painful than it already is, I have always tried to forgive you inside my heart knowing that you have to do that, but I just can't get myself to, you were my best friend Lydia, I know that things didn't go the way it was meant to, that pregnancy messed things up, but you let it come in between us, even though you knew I understood it wasn't your fault....”
What are they talking about?.