After I was done having my appointment with my client, he left, leaving me to get back to what I have at hand. We did spend some time and now it's almost noon, I have just an hour before it's time for my lectures.
“ I'm really sorry that I didn't make it to your home on time, getting to the office too, you were nowhere to be found so the breakfast I got you has already turned cold, I guess I will have to.......”
“ Don't worry dear.... I'll have it that way ”.
“ Are you sure?”.
“ Try me ”.
With a smile on her face, she brought me the breakfast he had made for me, I almost forgot that I've never eaten, my mind have been somewhere else all day, now it's about time I keep my head straight and start thinking straight.
She turned to leave, I don't want her to, I still have something to clear up with her, a huge elephant in the room. “ What's her name..... Your daughter?”, I asked her, trying to get her attention, to use this opportunity and know more about her.
“ Benita told you it's a she..... I was expecting that actually, her name is Linda and she's the best thing that have ever happened to me ”.
She stood there, trying to stand confident, the smile on her face gone. I can read her moves right now, the energy in her fingers wouldn't let her stay comfortable, they were interlocking each other, showing how nervous she was, I didn't speak, was just looking at her face and her to mine, her confidence gently melting down before me.
“ I know you might be angry that I was hiding that from you, but you possibly will not take me serious if you were to learn that I had a child when I came looking for job, and for the fact you never wanted me at the first place, that's likely that I wouldn't be here had I told you about her then......”
She's trying to be brave, trying to stand confident, despite it already deteriorating as the time ticks, I rose up from my seating position, walked around to her, her eyes never leaving mine, showing that sign that she was scared where this might be leading to, even though I already told her that I was willing to love her for who she was, not judge her from her past mistakes, but with Benita's detailed story, I've already found out that it wasn't her fault, she just loved a young man too much that she left with him a piece of her heart.
Standing before her now with my huge frame towering her, despite her been on hills, she was looking straight into my eyes, showing me exactly the Lydia I have always known, her eyes began to get wet like she was about to break the dam, I just stood before her.
“ You're who you're because of whatever might've happened to you in the past, and who I see now, is who I love and cherish, I am not angry or mad at you, was just slightly confused, I know I have really done you harm, not knowing your story, I decided to put you in a position where I will be safe while you hurt, my behavior was really childish, but this is the first time I am getting moved by a lady, something I would swear would never happen in my life ( my hands were now resting on her shoulders), I really don't know exactly what you had went through back then, but I want to promise you that if you allow me into your shell, I will make it a home worth living.....”.
Tears roll down her cheeks, one of my hand leaving a shoulder and resting by the side of her face, my thumb cleaning away her tears as she keep on to that eye contact between us.
“ I have already went through this before, yet here I am yearning to get myself in another despite how hurt and wounded I was the last time, I don't know what I'm doing, will I survive this when it happens again?, I don't know, but as far as it comes from the one my hearts yearns for, do with me whatever you please.....”.
She moved in into me and we locked our lips together.
Seated with her now on the bench in my office where my visitors seat while they wait, her head was resting on my shoulder, my hand around her, holding her in, protecting her from the outside world, protecting her from harm, she just carved in into my hold like it was a lifejacket which she has to hold onto to survive, her arms around my waist, locked at my other side of the body.
“ You did the right thing, it might've been painful and heartbreaking, but the fact you gave birth to the baby, makes you an angel you're today, just know that from now on, no one will harm you.....”.
“ That, I'm not afraid of, the only thing I am scared of now is losing you, the past few weeks was my worst, we were in the same office, yet it felt like we were worlds apart, I tried pretending to act better, to hold myself in check, but no, the pain was real and it stung really deep watching you go silent on me, I was even moved to tell you why I had said no, but I was afraid, not knowing whether I was about to worsen the situation or not, my little girl is my happiness, but I was afraid the man I love wouldn't take me in with her on the picture, so I decided to choose without asking, in whatever situation it might be, I'll always choose her ”.