Apple's Point of View
For the sake of our memories as friends. I chose to forgive them even though they kept it a secret from me and made me feel like a fool. I don't honestly cut people out of my life because I still want to save the memories that we created but I kept my distance.
As I was entering the school premises, I promised myself that I would distance and chose another friend group. Jeca can also choose her different friend group so I can do that too. I'm hurt that I feel like I lost a friend just because of a man.
"Hi, Apple" One of my eleventh grade classmates approached me. I smiled and greeted them too.
"Hello, what do you do this summer?" I asked them. If I can remember they were from another group so that's why we bonded least together. Before, I was too focused on our little group friend. But they're names are Elisa and Lala.
"We do fine this summer! We gather some news about you and your friends?" Lala started. I know that it would be a talk of the town because I've became too talkative and expressive on having a crush on Marco.
"It was fine, really. We just became distant from each other but we're okay and we forgive each other" I said. Even if they betrayed me hundreds of times, I'm still not going to backstab them. I wouldn't want karma to get me.
"Oh, so how's Ayen right now? The talk was "she's now going into labour, huh?" Elisa asks. I quickly shrugged as I don't really know what's going on. I bid my goodbyes to them as I don't want to talk about them anymore.
I don't want to talk about the past for now. I'm for real fine but as they would keep on asking me, I think I would burst out and rage at them. I went to the bathroom to take a pee and heard the conversation of two people.
"I think they've become distant because this Apple girl doesn't want to let this guy go! She was so obsessed, I can't" The girl said. I can't go inside because I want to hear more about them.
It's not true though, I just want to hear what the rumour has been saying. But to all I'm hearing. It is not good, what they keep blabbering about isn't true and all false rumour.
"She was a delusional girl and as I've just heard she's so ugly that's why guys don't want her haha!" The other girl said. I chose to fly away from that scene as I was really hurt. I keep on thinking about what they just said.
I didn't attend the first day of class and as I went home, my dad was there busy typing on his laptop. When he saw me, I instantly burst out crying and threw myself at him. I don't want to go there anymore as I couldn't handle it.
"Why? What do they do to you?" My dad worriedly asks me while trying to wipe up my tears. I just sob harder as this was the first time that I was truly hurt. I couldn't keep up and I just want to go far away from this place.
"I'm really hurt, Dad. I don't want to go to that school anymore. I want to go somewhere far, somewhere that people don't know me anymore" I said and continued sobbing. I can also feel that he was also hurt.
So after that, my dad and my mom decided to transfer me to a school that hasn't started their school year yet. I was nervous since I don't know anyone from this school but I was cheered up by my family. They even threw a get-together dinner for me.
That was attended by my grandmother Lydia, Aunt Alona and her family and we bonded a lot. I caught my mom and Aunt Alona talking about something, I don't want to eavesdrop on things but I've heard some and became interested in it.
"Our mom and dad have been really asking me how are you, Sister," Aunt Alona says as I knew it was her voice.
"Your mom and dad, Alona. Not mine since I cut them off" My mom responded. Woah, I never knew that mom has this side where she's harsh and rude. I want to dig into this story of them.
"Up until now you still haven't forgiven them? You have your own family now, Sister. You're too harsh for our parents!" Aunt Alona said.
"You don't know how harsh they were for us when we were just a child. I'm not harsh if they treat us right and I have the right to be mad at them. I won't look for them as they didn't even look for me before" My mom said. That was the last thing that I've heard since grandma caught me up.
After that, I went to my bedroom and lay in my bed thinking about what my mom had said. It was true that we can all have the right to be mad at a person for doing bad things to us so for now I wouldn't want to try to be good at people. I'm mad at Jeca, Ayen and Marco for doing that to me and I'm not going to please everyone because of the memories.
As I woke up, I was bombarded by Paul and my cousin Ian who's in my room playing. It was too early in the morning and they're here disturbing my sleep. I told them to quiet down but they've just continued pissing me off.
I just went down and got some water. Next week would be the start of the school year in that school, it was really far away from our home and I know that I don't know anyone there. All of the people there would be strangers for me and I would be stranger to them.
Jeca sent me a message. It was from yesterday, she was asking for an apology. I don't know how to feel. I didn't want to reply back so I delete our conversation so that I didn't have to think of a message to reply.
I just went outside to breathe. I'm not in my senses and I was still confused. My childhood crush, James went outside of their home and he caught me lacking so I was embarrassed that I hid behind the walls.
I was more frustrated by these feelings. I want this to be removed and I don't want to feel this anymore. I don't want to assume and expect from men but I couldn't help it. This was what I was more frustrated about.
"Ugh, I feel like I'm not normal anymore" I said and grip my hair out of frustration. Is this really what puberty is all about? Is having tons of crushes normal? Or am I the only one who feels this way?
I got an idea. I would search for what this is called. I want to know that someone in this Earth has been also experiencing this and not just me. I went to my bedroom to get my laptop and sat on the bed.
I tried searching it on google but to no avail, they also didn't know what it was. I describe all what I felt up until I saw this app where I can release my feelings and people would somehow jump and relate on it.
"What are you doing?" Ian asks. He was five years old so we were much older than him. I pat his hair and just smile at him.
"You don't wanna know" I scared him and that was effective enough because he screamed and almost cried. I apologise when Aunt Alona enters and she just gives me a smile before she consoles Ian.
I went to my post and refreshed the tab once more. I read the comment that people are saying and I felt validated. They say that it was a part of life and we can be called "Hopeless Romantic" which is we are the person who always assumes from people and easily gets affected by the person when that person shows affection.
"It may be because we want to feel that affection that we can't feel at home so that we long for it outside and on the people" I read the comment. I feel affection inside my home, I feel like I just want to be loved just like how my parents love each other.
I was like that for days, always posting something on this app but I made it anonymous so that no one would know it was me. That became another big secret that no one knows. I deleted it after a while and shrugged the thought that I would be caught by someone.
"It's your first day at this school. I hope you will do fine in this school, honey. We love you always and we're just here for you" My mom said. I just smiled at her and hugged and kissed her. I also do that with my dad.
So this is it. This would be the next chapter of me that I would open. This would be another version of me. I hope a lot, and hope that I will become the best version here. That I would gain a lot of lessons while I'm here.