Apple's Point of View
"Frederic was the worst of the worst ex-boyfriends! Like dude's think he looks cool saying horrible things to his exes" We were on the making of this group project when Danielle started spilling this tea about Frederic.
"What? What did he say? I've heard that he got two exes from your classmate, right?" Mina interestedly asks. Of course it was Mina were talking about, she's usually interested in people's cup of tea.
"Yes and he says the worst to those two girls. First with our girl best friend saying she was not that even pretty and just a petty person and the other one he broke up with her when she didn't seem his type on the first day of the class" Danielle.
He looks really bad to be honest. My first impression of him was a chic boy roaming around tasting every pretty girl he could get. He disgusts me and I'm obviously thankful that I made that decision.
"What's his type?" Alina asks curiously. I couldn't believe Alina would somehow think of that. It was obvious that he was the type of guy who wants a pretty and perfect girl having good body proportions as well as naives.
"He's still not over his ex-girlfriend. He was still head over heels for that girl who came first than my two classmates" Danielle speaks.
We continue making the project while discussing that tea. I'm somehow interested in what they're saying but obviously I don't really talk that much.
We parted ways after that and would continue it tomorrow. Tomorrow would also be our PE, we would just play a game. I was still hooked up by the news about Frederic and I can't seem to erase him in my head.
I know that it was bad, I need to see my psychiatrist because it's just not normal. I couldn't believe that I felt these pathetic feelings towards him. I grew up in a loving environment so where do I get these issues? Why is this so severe on me?
The flashbacks of Rena's mom came back to me. Did I really get the problematic sides from my grandparents or my Uncle? It's hard to believe and I'm getting nervous.
It isn't normal to have a crush on the person you taught badly and prove that he was bad. It wouldn't be normal and I'm surprised that I still get this emotion overtime. I swear that I want this to be removed and erased as soon as possible.
"What are you thinking, Apple?" My dad came to pick me up in this fast food chain where I said. Looking at my dad right now, I want to cry and burst out with this overwhelming feeling. I feel like I want to tell him a lot but he might rage and shout at me.
"Say it to me. What seems to be the problem, Apple?" He's so persistent. I inhale and exhale my anxiousness. It needs to be released and I don't think Dad would shout and be mad at me.
"Dad, do you really have a brother who's a psychopath and does Mom have problematic parents?" I asked him. He was taken aback and couldn't even form a word. In the motion, I could tell that it was true.
"Where did you get that information?" So it was true because he didn't answer the question. So it was true after all.
"From Rena's mom, Rixa who claims to be the wife of your brother" I stated. He looks so serious that I couldn't even see him blink.
My dad was never serious, he would joke about it once he felt that the surrounding was heavy. He was the calmer of my Mom when things seemed hard on her. I didn't think the day would come that he wouldn't joke around and that scares me.
"Don't talk to strangers, I've told you that. So don't believe in stranger" That's the last thing he said before taking me home. Even on our way home, he seems dead and serious about what I've just told him.
I stated that I would trust them, I do but I also got problems like what's going on in my brain and even in my heart? Why did I feel unusual stuff and why did I feel what I don't need to feel at a guy?
"Ugh, this is making me frustrated!" I shouted once I closed my bedroom but I was shocked to see that there's a box on top of my bed.
Did Mom go in and place it on? It was an unfamiliar box because it was black and grey box, something that Mom wouldn't allow me to buy if she got me a present because for her it symbolises death and darkness.
I open it out of curiosity and when I see it, I scream at the top of my lungs making my dad go into my bedroom. It was the blood and skin of a person, I almost puked on thinking that they've got it in the person in a horrible way.
"Dad, Mom," I said crying. They comfort me with a hug and I just cry at their shoulder. If it was hard on me, most probably that it was hard for them too.
That night, I saw my Aunt Alona going into our house and discussing something with my Mom. I checked the phone and typed a message, I don't really know who I can send it to begin with.
At the end, I decided to close my phone and lay down on the bed to think. I don't have a friend, I don't have a single friend whom I can tell everything to and I think that is what makes me a horrible person.
I'm nice, outgoing and one call away friend but why does it seem that I don't have anyone to tell when I have problems. I'm a loner and people just think of me as an annoying brat that I'm not.
I wonder what people think when they see me. What do they say on my back once I was far away? Do they say the worst thing that goes in their head? What makes me seem the worst in their head? Am I that ugly? Am I really that annoying?
Night passed by and tomorrow came. I go to school feeling dizzy, I can't even think of anything right now. I'm just glad that I still survive the day. That week came pretty fast, maybe because I was having a rough time and I had a lot going on.
I was at the bench, waiting for my Dad to pick me up. I see a lot of my classmates leaving the school. I wonder what it feels like to be them, not thinking of anything aside from hanging out and didn't have troubles in their head.
"Let's go to your house, Renz and unravel some stuff there! Yoo-hoo!" Archie said. They were talking beside me and they were my classmates. That Renz was my classmate who wears glasses and that Archie was his friend.
I happen to know them because well it's like weeks already that's passed by and it's so rude not to know who your classmates are. But we didn't really talk to each other. I always glance at Renz and when I glance at him, I see him already staring at me.
I assumed that it was something but I just erased it after that. I don't want to think of anything anymore. I had a lot to think and if I think and analyse more, my brain would burst and pop out of my head.
"Let's just wait, I'm waiting for someone" Renz responded so Archie also sat beside him making him sit beside me too. I couldn't even be bothered because I was looking at my phone.
I hope my Dad arrives, I hope he will be here as fast as he can because I'm getting uncomfortable sitting here without talking to my classmates. I easily get uncomfortable when I don't talk to anyone that sits beside me that I know. It was not necessary but I think it is.
Dad went inside of the school and picked me up. I couldn't dare to look back because I wanted to get out of here too because I was really uncomfortable with my own thoughts. We arrived at home and I'm already drained.
It was more draining than what I thought. I thought that I was free from the problems because I went far away but it wasn't really a solution. I now know that going away wouldn't solve the problem that you had in the very beginning.
It was me who was the problem and not the place I went in. I was now believing that I really had a problem in my mind because there's no way I could be like this when I grew up having almost everything in life.