Heaven's Point of View
"You're a lame pick me girl" Riza loudly said making it look like she had an announcement. Everyone laughed except for Lawrence who's my seatmate for this year.
We were already fourth year elementary students and Lawrence really aimed to be at the top section with me. But he can't beat me in my position. I always beat him in every subject and he was just at the bottom of me.
When summer came, I had the courage to speak up and cut Riza out of my life together with her friends. After that she always calls me nasty stuff and even throws things at me like crumpled paper and trash.
I ignored it since I'm used to that. I'm already used to being picked out randomly by my parents to release whatever anger they had on people. Giving attention to them would just make them pleased and would bully me more so I'm ignoring them until they stop.
I also had a plan to be valedictorian of my batch so I didn't want to be in trouble and didn't want a record of guidance.
"Pst, Heaven so you're just going to be there while they're picking you out?" Lawrence said and it sounds so worried for me. I scoffed at him, I was more pissed because of him.
"You're the reason why they picked me out so don't you dare speak like you're really worried for me" I said. He was really the reason why I'm being bullied by them.
First because he stood up for me at that convenience store. If he didn't stand up for me, I wouldn't be embarrassed enough to cut them out of my life. And second, I just know that Riza had a crush on Lawrence ever since we were in second year elementary.
"No, I'm not the reason why. It's you and your cowardness to really let them go. You can't even stand up for yourself. You're smarter than this, Heaven" He said. I rolled my eyes, If you just really knew.
"Don't make assumptions about things you don't really know. Don't help people that don't need your help" I said and just opened my books to review.
It was really frustrating. School is no fun for me and I'm just going to school for my grades to be higher so that Lawrence can't beat me.
"Hey, Heaven! Why would someone name you Heaven when in reality you look like Hell. Oh, it's because your mother is a deranged person!" Riza said when I'm going home. I just form my fist into a rock.
If I'm going to answer these brats, they would no longer talk bad about people. But I still need to shut my mouth in order to protect my goal. I would just let it be.
"Wow, she didn't even protect her mom. My guess is that she really has a deranged mom" Her friends even added and high five with each other.
I just ignored it and scoffed in front of them. I would let that continue because I don't really care about them bad talking about my mother or my parents. They deserve it somehow.
As I passed them, I saw Lawrence staring at me. Why can't I have people that won't piss me off? Why do the people surrounding me always get on my nerves?! Am I really supposed to be a miserable child?!
"Let me walk you home," Lawrence said. I just let him be. It would be my pleasure to see Riza cries. I know that they're still at that spot and watching me. This would be her own punishment.
As I know that Riza and her friends can't watch me anymore. I had the urge to stop Lawrence in what he was doing. He was no use after that to me.
"Stop now. You can just walk me here where Riza can spot the two of us after that go in the other direction. We're still not going along and I would still treat you like an enemy" I stated. He should know.
"I know it. I was just helping you out since you look like a loser, see you tomorrow my enemy" He said and walked to the other direction.
It was more frustrating at home. I always see my parents fight and shout at little things. I sometimes adapt their attitude and the guilt afterwards keeps spreading at me that makes me more frustrated.
"Alona, how come you're so dumb?!" I shouted at my second-born sibling as she kept messing up the chores. When I saw her trying so hard not to cry, I lost it.
I hate this. I hate that I know I am slowly becoming the person I don't want to be. I quickly hugged and apologised to Alona after that.
"I'm so sorry" I said while she kept wailing. I just hugged her tightly and let my tears pour down too. I am the eldest, I need to be the strength and the role model of my siblings not to be like our parents. They need to have a person who would make them a better person and that's me.
But day by day, I was holding back. I know that someday my anger would pop out and lash out at everyone. It would only be a matter of time now.
"Heaven! I leave you with this chores! You punk!" My mom shouted when she arrived from her work. I was in the midst of reviewing back then when I received a slipper in my head.
"You're really a lazy and useless thing, huh. I said that you need to do chores and all you do is just sit!" She continues to nag. I don't know what's in my book anymore as I still keep reading and reading it.
"Answer me, you fucker!" She said and hit me again with those slippers. I really can't control it anymore, I want to lash out and argue at them.
"Can't you see that I'm studying here?! I don't have many hands just like what you always told me when I need something like projects that I need assistance with! I'm still a child, mom! Can't you just somewhat see?!" I asked which led me to getting slapped. I somehow expected it. I somehow expected that I would get slapped by her.
Moments such as when I was in second year elementary and the project was a volcanic eruption which needed a parent for assistance and I kept telling mom that I needed assistance because of my age.
"You're so annoying, Heaven! Can't you act at your age!" She shouted as a response to me. I was only seven years old back then and I still need guidance for things like that because the teacher told us that it's somehow risky and needs some protection from older people.
"But I'm still seven, mom. How am I supposed to act?" What I said that earns a slap from her. It was so hard and harsh that it really hurt me. But I know that she would give more if I cry so I stifle it.
"Now, you're answering the admonition, huh! Your attitude is finally revealing!" I don't somehow get what she's saying when she says that and thinks that what I just did was bad.
But now, I know. I know that she would never be like other parents. They wouldn't be like other parents who would raise their children gently and precious. They would raise them harshly and hard that would make their child go away from them.
"You're really good at answering already, Heaven! Let's see where your attitude would lead you onto! I hope you will fail every single goal that you had because of your attitude!" She said that scares me and made me even more hate her.
There would be no parents who would be happy seeing their children fail or be a failure. They want their child to achieve their goal successfully and would cheer for them. And that's where I know, I already have a clear path and goal. Thanks to her.
My plans and goals just got clearer and clearer. I would finish my studies and work hard to be successful and once I'm successful, I'm going to get my siblings and I to go far away from this country, far away from our harsh parents and I would be harsh to the people who make my way hard.
"But I hope that you live your life in full guilt after that. Because my failure is your failure too. You can't be a good and loving mother that your children pray to have. And if I'm going to be successful, you're going to live your life regretting" I didn't get to say that to her as I know that it isn't still the right time. I just wrote it down in my notebook.