Heaven's Point of View
"You should stop seeing me, Heaven," Lawrence said. We were in our mid-year in our third year. It was so confusing for me since we didn't have a problem and were really doing okay in our relationship. But I also have to admit that he became cold with me last month.
"Why? Can you give me a reason why?" I asked him, almost sounding like a pledge. I thought he loved me and waited for me. Would it be at the waste now just because of his reasons? We can still fight or my assumption was true. That he was being blackmailed by Antonio.
"I was tired, that's it" He coldly said. I can't believe that, he isn't like that. I don't want to believe on that!
"There's plenty of solutions in that way, love. Do you get blackmail by someone, somehow?" I asked tears flowing through.
"No! Of course not! It was my decision and I hope you understand it, "he said and leave. I was here being in pain. Why did I even believe that love exists? Why did I even believe that someone would love me? I should have stay in fear of love because of what happened to my parents. I know beforehand that love would actually fade if there's no thrill anymore.
I wiped my tears and let go of him. If he ever comes back, I won't let him in anymore. That was his decision to hurt me by letting me go so I'm not going to let him in. I won't let someone in and hurt my heart like this ever.
I enter my next subject with nothing. I was still hurt and just thinking of it was hurtful for me. I lost my friend, boyfriend and the one that I loved.
After that, it was the last subject for this day. Eli was just the one who waits for me and that made me more sad. I went at her and cried. She was surprised but somehow managed to comfort me.
"What happened?" She asks once I was done crying. I just stare at her and the tears flows once again.
"Lawrence broke up with me" I said. She was surprised and I can see her forming a sentence but was taken aback.
"What? Is it true? Is it really possible? How can he broke up with you when he was the least that I can think of?" She said.
"That's maybe because he didn't find me thrilling anymore because he finally got me" I honestly said what I thought. If he wasn't blackmailed, I'm sure that that's the reason why. He finds me boring and that's what makes him tired.
"It was really impossible for him to do that! Even if he doesn't find you thrilling anymore, he won't do that. At least in my expectation but he's still a man and I would hate him for that" She said.
Eli accompanied me to my new space and stayed there for a while. I'm still thankful that even if I lost Lawrence, I didn't lose Eli because that would make it more painful. But I won't make it too obvious so Antonio won't get a plan.
I still believe in the back of my mind that Antonio was the one behind this because it's somehow really unbelievable but also I was just indenial of what just happened. I need to just accept his reason and don't assume anymore.
"Do you think that you can get the USB from Lawrence, Eli?" I asked Eli. I should get the USB since I wouldn't want to have anything left to him anymore.
"Okay, I would get it as soon as possible" Eli response and talk about more topic and she left when her parents was telling her to go home.
After a week of the break-up, I seem to adjust on so many things like I didn't expect for him to wait and come up with me. There's no niggt walk that we always do and if I was sad and feeling lonely, there's no more coffee shop as our comfort place. There's no more seeing him at all.
I seem to adjust and be happier with that at all. It seems not easy at the first day but I just accept it and didn't want to waste anymore tears for him. There's a lot of fish in the sea and losing him would just make me have an opportunity to get another one but that's not for my case.
"Captain Heaven! I'm going to submit my SWOT analysis so wait for me, huh" David says one time I'm going home. I just thumbs up at him and smile.
"Are you going home alone? Isn't it not safe because it's night now? Here let me accompany you to your home" He said. I just let him since I don't really mind, I still record everything in my phone so if I die or something bad happens to me, my phone would be the evidence.
We weren't still far away when I saw Lawrence face. He seems troubled and his face wasn't lightened anymore. That It was more tiring when he let me go but I wash away all the assumptions.
"Captain" David said which brought me to reality that I was with him. I glance at him and ask him what it is and he just tackles our subject.
"I think that you're a person who wouldn't find the course difficult. When I first saw you, I even admired you" David confessed, which I find cute so I smiled and laughed at what he just said.
"I was being flustered by your compliment so thank you" I said which earns him a blushed.
"Omg, this must be a dream since I'm talking and walking with my idol" He said showeing me of the compliments. I find him funny and cute at the same time.
"Here's my space so I'm thankful for you that I'm safe going home" I said. He nods instantly and bid his goodbyes.
As soon as I enter the room, I was surrounded by emptiness. There was a people in the room obviously but the feeling that I felt was really empty. Like I'm finding something that I can't now get.
I distracted myself for the past one week that I think that I'm being healed from the heart break but every time that I walk upon and get home, I am bombarded with feeling empty. This was now the most difficult part that I had for me, feeling this was hard.
I called Eli and asked if I could stay at her home which she immediately agreed on. I need to still distract myself not to be buried by insanity. I packed my things because she insist that I should stay here for days because she's also alone.
I went there and I was immediately brought to her room. In all of our best friend years, this was the only time that I got to see her room. It was nice, neat and organized like I couldn't touch anything with how neat her room was.
"You really have a nice room" I compliment her room and she offers a chair for me to sit on. I sat down still looking around the room. She chuckled at my actions and tells me to stop.
"Oh, I almost forgot! Lawrence finally gave the USB to me. It was so hard to talk with him and asks for that USB because he didn't want to give it up, ugh. But he finally gave in and gave that to me and he said that I shouldn't read what the notes says so I don't know the notes in it" She explained and give me the USB.
It was wrapped with a paper that had notes in it. The note says 'I always waits for you so I hope you do the same'
"Ask him what's the meaning of this. And if it is what's on my mind tell him that I won't do that now. I won't let him in anymore because he let go without explaining it thoroughly" I coldly said.
But at the back of my mind says otherwise. I should wait and trust him to see what's really going on and I'm going to do that secretly. I would trust and wait for you, Lawrence and that would be the promise that I wouldn't tell to you for your own sake too.