Heaven's Point of View
"You're my sister but you stood like a parent" Swan says in her written poem. I was somewhat proud that they are affectionate. They didn't get our parents' attitudes.
"Did you like it, Heaven?" Swan asks after I read what she wrote. It was well written for a first year elementary student. I nodded in response.
I just know that we were forced to grow up in order to take care of ourselves since our parents can't. We were forced to let our childhood go for the sake of ourselves too and that's what I hate about my parents.
I'm a fifth year elementary student now. Most of my classmates still play chinese garter and limbo rack. They're parents happily let them experience their childhood.
"Let's go to school now, Alona and Swan" I said to Alona and Swan when I saw them ready.
Our parents were not here. They were always at their gambling place and would just go home if they finally lost all of their money and wanted a place to release their anger.
I'm really trying to understand what they feel. But whenever I try to think of an excuse, there's just nothing. There's not a valid excuse for their behaviour.
"Heaven, we have a surprise for you in the comfort room" One of my classmates told me once when I'm at school. I'm mostly confused because I didn't know who she is or her name is but I know she's my classmate.
I just let her guide me to where the comfort room is without expectation. I mostly expect that it would be a prank or dare but a surprise, no.
Once we're in the comfort room, a big bucket of water jumps at me and I see Riza and her friends laughing at that. I just wash this uniform and I don't have an exchange for this.
"Aww, the stink was finally removed or is it?" Riza said with a grin. I'm getting pissed off with that look of her.
"You know what? If we were going to be compared with each other, you have more stink that needs to be removed than me because yours can't be removed just by water" I said with a grin too. If she wants this, I would give it to her.
"How dare you!" She said and pulled my hair. I didn't want to hold back anymore. I pulled her hair so hard and harsh that it pained her. I also dragged her to the faucet and opened it then I pushed her head to that. I wanted to drown her but I got stopped by a teacher.
That's when I knew, I fucked up. I badly released my anger that I saw her bleeding. I would definitely get a guidance record for this and won't be able to get my goal.
We were brought up in the guidance office and of course even if I try so hard to speak up, they won't believe me. Her friends were just the witness there and they pushed the narrative that I was the one who started the fight first.
So with that, the guidance officer held me accountable and punished me with a three-day suspension. I went home and changed my clothes. They didn't even bother asking me if I was cold by the water that splashed on me.
I laughed with that thought. My parents didn't care for me, so other people wouldn't budge. And I know that I lose hope in humanity. We are all evil at some point and if I had a choice if I want to be born, I would choose not to.
Someone knocked at the door and when I opened the door, I saw Lawrence. He would be the one who would get the valedictorian medal and I would probably just graduate.
"I just know what has happened, Are you alright?" He asks. I wanted to cry loudly and threw myself at him. I don't know why but I tried not to.
"You got what you want. You finally beat me with the help of your admirer. Why can't you just go out with her and stop pestering me? You're the reason why I suffer from these things!" I said and tears just poured down. I can't hold it back anymore.
"I'm so sorry" He said and left. As I closed the door, I continued to cry but I held my hand to my mouth to quietly cry. I don't want everyone to know that I suffer. I hate it and I regret it.
The school year has passed and I still suffer. That one day ruined my efforts, that one moment ruined everything for me. I didn't bother doing the effort, I was just glad that I still passed all the subjects without failing grades even if my highest was now B+.
"You're ruining your life" Lawrence said when he sat beside me. He's still my seatmate this school year. I'm annoyed but somehow thankful that even if I didn't make an effort and sometimes I dozed off, he was the one who made excuses for me.
"I didn't ruin it, what are you talking about?" I said while laughing. I didn't really ruin it. I was just spaced out taking care of my siblings and focusing on them more than my studies.
"Lawrence Babe, Let's lunch now" Riza said and held Lawrence's hand. After that day, Riza didn't bother me. My advice to Lawrence works. I knew it from the very beginning, Riza just wants the attention of Lawrence and now that he is hers, she wouldn't bully me anymore.
We're now in sixth grade. After this school year, we will be in high school. I applied for the high school scholarship program even though I would still study at the public school.
My parents finally knew that I wouldn't get the valedictorian medal so they decided not to celebrate my birthday and not go to my graduation rites. I was still thankful for my siblings who bought a cake to surprise me.
Lawrence also gave me a box and told me that it was a gift for my birthday. I didn't trust him and it might be something that Riza and him planned. So I put it in the trash can and didn't open it.
I went home so confused. Our things were being dragged out of the house with my parents begging for them to not take it out. I just got the money from my scholarship and held it out to them. It wasn't enough but it was enough for them not to drag things anymore.
"Why can't you just stop gambling?!" I loudly asked my parents. The money was for my upcoming projects since they don't have money to buy me materials anymore.
"Don't shout at your parents like that, you're also useless and not because you give them some money you have the right to shout at us!" My dad also shouted at me. It was really frustrating.
"Can't you just act more of a parent?! If you act like a parent to us, I would've respected you but you just don't! You deserve to be disrespected!" I said more loudly this time. My mom slapped me but that didn't hurt me anymore.
"How dare you! You would have been here if I killed you in my womb!" My mom shouted.
"But I hope you just killed me right there and then! I hope you just killed us so all of us can live more peacefully!" I shouted and walked away from there. I was getting tired of fighting for this life anymore. I just fight this life for my siblings.
Graduation came and no one really came and showed up at my graduation rites. Why can't I learn my lesson not to expect from them anymore? I went to the stage and bowed down as I received my diploma.
I got envious when Lawrence went on stage and gave his valedictorian speech. His family are proud of him but that should be me. That should be me who's doing the speech and not him. I was the one who they thought of since I was in second grade.
After graduation, I didn't stay at the place because I was really trying hard not to cry but I was held by Lawrence. He congratulated me but I just stared at his medal. That medal is somewhat mine.
"Congratulations. I hope you're proud of yourself and the things you do. You also deserve it as you strive for it" I said bitterly. I fake my smile and walk away.
I failed at my first goal in life. I failed because of that one event that I didn't even the one who started. I was so eager to put them down now. I was going to strive to avenge those people who make me miserable right now.