***
I TRIED TO FORGET WHAT HAPPENED. Hideki and I are friends. Maybe, his friend just misunderstood what was in the letter and jumped into his own nasty conclusion. I just wanted for our friendship to remain the same.
Ever since that incident, Hideki and I Hideki became the object of everyone's ridicule. They found a new way of entertainment in satirizing our friendship. We would often catch people throwing dirty gazes into us while whispering words with one another. I would just tell Hideki not to mind them but the truth was I'm extremely uncomfortable in these situations.
It was after 3 months, only I realized that Hideki noticed it all. All of it.
"Toshiro, your pen…"
Hideki and I bent down at the exact same time to grab my pen that fell on the ground, our hands accidentally brushed against each other. I immediately pulled my hand away as If I touched something that was burning hot.
At that instant, I glanced at Hideki if he noticed my reaction but he just calmly picked up my pen, settling it down on top of my table with his usual bright grin across his face. His eyes seemed to be smiling but they're glistening with the brewing tears.
Later that night, I received a text message from Hideki.
'Toshiro, let's put a distance with each other for a while. I'm sorry.'
I hate the idea but I know it was my fault why he came to that decision. I ended up not texting back.
Surprisingly, 3 weeks passed by and I dreaded every minute of it. Our first year in High school officially ended. Hideki and I avoided each other just like he wanted. But at the same time, I had a guilty feeling of slight relief.
He avoided even our classmates and was always by himself, which was a very unusual and painful sight. I almost went back to my old self but I've always believed that Hideki and I will push past through this and will be friends again. He was the one who asked us to be friends, that's why I have faith in him.
Couple of months have gone by and it's already the start of our sophomore year in High school. I haven't heard a single thing from Hideki all throughout summer vacation and I just let him, because I also need the time and space to think about our situation and prepare myself when I see him again.
I promised myself, no matter what Hideki feels about me, even though I can't return it, I'll accept him. Because he's a very important friend to me.
I arrived at school early on the first day to check the Bulletin Board if Hideki and I were still at the same class but I was disappointed when I didn't find his name in the class list I was in.

'It's fine. We could still see each other even though we're not in the same class'
I kept assuring myself until I checked all the other sections' lists and none of them had Hideki's name in them. Maybe because I was desperate, or frightened, I also checked the class lists of the higher year, even of first years. But nothing. Hideki's name was not in any of them.
I sprinted all the way to the Faculty's office as if my life depended on it to inform the teachers that they forgot to include Hideki's name on the class list. I remembered how hard I was chasing my breath while speaking.
"Toshiro-kun, Hideki-kun transferred into another school. He didn't tell you?"
"Where's this new school?"
"Hmmm… He didn't inform us where he's transferring. All he said was, his father got transferred to the Eastern Province and their whole family will move out."
As soon as I got home that afternoon, I asked my mom…
"Mom, how far is Eastern Province?"
"Eastern Province? It's far. You have to take a plane to get there. Why did you ask?"
At that moment it dawned on me. Hideki no longer had the intention to see me again. I tried calling his number but it wasn't even ringing, he even deactivated all his social media accounts, no response from email either. He doesn't want to talk to me again.
When he said 'We should put a distance with each other', I never thought that this is the distance he was talking about…
After a few days, I received a letter from Hideki. I was ecstatic, my heart was pounding so hard against my chest. I stared at the letter for a long time. Hideki contacted me, I just couldn't believe it. Maybe it was not too late, we can still make up.
My hands were trembling as I carefully tore open the envelope, careful not to rip the actual letter inside. When I pulled out the piece of paper inside, I immediately recognized it.
It was the exact same letter from that day. His love letter.
I've never read that letter until now. I read every single word carefully, engraving each one into my mind. I read it with Hideki's voice in my mind, as if he was saying it to me rather than reading it.
And they're right. Hideki liked me more than a friend.
Even this time, he never left any contact info, not even a return address.
He won't even give me a chance to reply. And to apologize.
***
WHEN I FIRST NOTICED MISAO, I DON'T KNOW WHY I SUDDENLY REMEMBERED MY OLD SELF. But more than that, my memory of meeting Hideki came rushing back. I could only smile every time I remember the time I couldn't even make friends.
It was because Hideki talked to me first, he asked to be friends first with such an endearing smile and friendly aura that I was able to experience the joy of being noticed. That feeling of relief that someone was interested enough to get to know me and hang out with me.
When I approached Misao that day, somehow, I also wanted him to realize the same feelings I've felt before. I really wanted to be close with him, that much is true. And this time, I promised, I will treasure this friendship that I initiated.
***
"THAT'S HOW I LOST HIM…"
Saki said under his breath, loud enough for me to hear but at the same time it felt like he didn't want me to. His voice was filled with loneliness but at the same time it sounded like a warning. His back – that was facing me—seemed so small in the darkness. Somehow, I have a feeling that he's crying, but the only thing that could tell was the blanket covering him.
He said this time with a threatening voice, "Would you just let Misao walk out of your life?"
---------------------------------
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