Misao was watching me as I returned to my seat. As always, with his stern face.
"Are you okay, Toshiro? You're not drunk yet, aren't you?" It was Saki.
I waved my hand, "Yeah. I'm fine."
"Saki, that guy's still sober." Fumihiro chimed in, looking like he's already quite tipsy. He seemed to have taken a liking to Saki. "Every time we hang out like this, we will not go home until Toshiro's totally wasted and unconscious. And every single time, Misao will take him back home."
"Really?" Saki glanced at me. He's really beautiful up close – a pair of eyes in hues of light brown; from caramel to chocolate, tiny freckles scattered over his cheeks and nose-bridge, his lips were thin but they're red as cherries.
I took another bottle of beer and poured all of the liquid into my cup, then I proceeded to gulp everything down in one go. If I'm drunk and wasted, I wouldn't have to notice things that make me upset on my own.
I don't like how my chest aches when I see how close Misao and Saki were despite being away from each other for so long. They really look great together, there were sparkles flying around them, while I'm just an ordinary person in the background that nobody will take notice of.
Drink after drink, beer after beer… I drowned myself just to stop whatever is this I'm feeling. I don't like this. Misao is a 'dear' friend. If we can go back to the way it was before that confession, I won't lose him. He doesn't have to distance himself if he thinks I feel uncomfortable. He doesn't have to go if I can't return his feelings.
I was pulled out of my thoughts when I heard a loud sound of bottles breaking, and then followed by Saki's desperate voice calling out Misao's name.
"Misao?! What's going on?!"
"Are you okay, Misao?!"
I heard Keita and Youjin yelling from beside me. Then, my eyes found Misao panic-stricken – there's no color on his face, his chest was pumping fast in a frantic attempt to breathe, and his hands were shaking terribly as he held onto the table for dear life. His eyes were fixed on the floor where the servers were also in panic as they cleaned the mess.
"M-Misao?" I called out unsure if I was able to voice that out. I stood up trying to reach out to him.
Why do I feel like he's so far from my reach?
Why does it seem like he'll disappear anytime?
"I'm taking Misao outside to get some air." Saki stood up, helping Misao to get up from his seat. "Let's go, Misao. It'll be fine. I'm here."
Before they left, Saki looked at me. "Please call me when they finish cleaning the broken glasses. Sorry…"
Misao couldn't even stand straight as they walked out of the pub. The rest of us were frozen, unsure of what just happened.
What happened? I wasn't paying attention.
I turned to Keita. "W-What happened to Misao?"
He shook his head, "I don't know. Misao suddenly froze when he saw those broken bottles on the floor, then he just panicked… I thought he was just surprised but when I saw his face turn pale and Saki was also starting to worry about Misao, that's only when I realized that this is something serious."
Broken bottles? Is it a trauma?
But why? Why would Misao have such trauma?
How's Misao now? Could he breathe better now? Has he calmed down outside with Saki—
— he's with Saki, for sure he'll look after him well.
I felt someone touch my shoulder, when I glanced behind me it was Youjin. His face was so gentle and full of concern. "Toshiro, go ahead. Check on Misao for us."
As if a push on my back, I immediately stood up and I almost ran to the door.
I found Misao and Saki sitting at the bottom stoop in front of an apartment building not far from the pub.
"Are you okay, Misao?"
Saki looked up as he gently rubbed Misao's back trying to calm him. Misao still looked scared but at least the color of his face returned.
"He has calmed down. Sorry about the commotion earlier. It's just, Misao's—" Misao grabbed Saki's arm, stopping him from speaking. Saki looked at him, confused.
He doesn't want me to know?
I sat in front of Misao to have a better look at him. Our eyes met and I could almost see the fear and pain he's been through. As if I really could…
Whatever that was, I wanted to let him know that it's safe with me; so that I can be the one by his side protecting him.
"Misao…"
"Uhm…" Saki stood up. "Toshiro, please look after Misao for me. I will go back inside and check."
"Ah? Okay…"
"Sorry Toshiro…" Misao whispered as soon as Saki left. "I ruined the night…"
"What are you talking about?" I wanted to reach out to touch him and make sure he's physically here with me but I stopped myself. "Well… How are you feeling now? Are you hurt anywhere?"
"I'm fine now. Sorry you have to see me like this…" I heard him chuckles so softly as if he's still out of breath. "It was such a turn off. I was hoping you could enjoy yourself tonight, that's why I was trying to control myself from drinking too much so I could take you back home later. I only wanted to show you my cool sides… But tonight I showed you this lame me instead. Sorry…"
"Could you stop saying 'sorry' over and over? I am your friend, it's natural I'll be worried."
He laughed under his breath. "Yeah… Yeah. Thank you for worrying about me Toshiro."
He carefully got up on his feet, he wobbled for a second, but then in a cheerful voice he said, "I'm completely fine now. Let's go back inside, Toshiro."
Are you really okay? Why were you trying so hard to look good in front of me? It doesn't matter; I want you to rely on me at least.
"Toshiro?"
I reached for his hand, "Misao… do you really like me?"
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