Seated at the bar, I can't get myself to stop thinking about the incident that happened today, as much as I wanted to calm down and overlook those insults, her words hurt really deep and I can't just get my mind off it. Since I came to live with Uncle Dale, I have never for once in my life thought about who my real parents might be, I don't even remember them, I don't care about them, but one of the people I care about is in the wrong place at the wrong time, trying to help him out has been costing me my peace of mind.
“ Everything will be just fine....”, she said to me, her hand on top of mine, trying to let me know that she always got my back, but no, this is not her battle, my gamble has been costing her too, she shouldn't be here fighting this with me, she should be on her lane, chasing after her goal and allow me to handle this alone.
“ You've tried alot for me in this quest Jackie, I think it's about time you go back to your Life and focus on what's ahead of you.....”, I said to her. I can see the change on her face but that should be it, she's supposed to go back and allow me worry about this alone, this is my family, I can handle it by myself.
“ Jones!.... Why should you say that to me?, You wasn't the one that invited me into this, I invited myself to make sure we go through this hand in hand, but right now you're are trying to give me up....”, she said, her voice sounding quiet teary. I turned to look at her face to see the wetness in her eyelid.
“ I never said I was letting you go Jackie, I said you shouldn't bother yourself with my problems, that I will find a way to do it alone....”, “ And what does that make me?, If I gladly walk away when I know you do need my assistance, what does that make me?, Nothing is worth more than helping you out on this for me, I can handle my own stuff too, so you shouldn't care about it, we are going to get to the end of this together Jones, I'm never going to allow you suffer this alone, whatever is hurting you hurts me too.....”.
Wait what?, Is she crying?.... Oh God, I just said she should allow me take care of this alone, why is she crying then?. I brought her close to me, my hand around her shoulder, patting the side of her shoulder gently, trying to console her, why is she crying?.
I can remember seeing a lot of this at the Orphanage, the girls are too weak that even when they are screamed at, they start crying, how come is she still into that?, Is this a mindset or something?.
We stayed like that for a short while, she's no longer being a crybaby, she's just resting on my body while I hold her, I can't remember the last time I hold her this close, probably should be back at the Orphanage years back when she was also crying then too, that was when a family came to adopt them both, their family. Both of them were crying in my arms, not mother superior or sister Benita, but in my own embrace, she never wanted to go, but she had to because she no longer belongs there in the Orphanage.
“ What are you going to do now?....”, she asked, her head still resting on the upper side of my chest close to my shoulder. That's a good question, I was still thinking about what happened there that I haven't gotten to think of what's next.
My manager is against this, Uncle Dale is against it, even his mom is against it too and for him, he doesn't know what he wants, only Jack and Jackie believes that I can do this, our old friends criticize him now, even me kind of believe that I am wasting my time on this, how can I help someone who doesn't want to help himself?, Not that he doesn't actually want to help himself, but I just believe he doesn't know what he wants, or maybe I am just being foolish.
“ At this point Jackie, I don't know....”, I confessed the truth to her, I have done as far as I think I can go with this, either gentle or hard, I have done more than I think I could. 
She removed her head from my chest but still remaining in the same position, her eyes were looking into mine from the lower angle, the next thing I know, her lips was on mine, that I never expected, Yeah I knew we were kind of into each other, but that I never expected, I never pulled away though because I wanted the same thing though, I never knew I wanted it until it came, but now it felt relieving until she pulled out gently.
“ Just know that whatever it is your decision is, I am with you in every way....”.
After spending a long minutes there with her, I drove her to her home and Left for mine. That was the first time we were kissing and it never felt weird, it felt like normal, despite the fact that I haven't kissed anyone for two whole years and some months now, my last kiss was with Stella, my first Love.
Yeah, she still crosses my mind, that's what first love are for, the implant themselves into your memory and sticks there forever, even if you get to have hundreds of relationships later, that first one will still be there in your memory.
I don't know what next to do, but whatever it's going to be, I am ready for it, whether to keep fighting this or going back to face my Life goals.