Isaac Gray Holster Elizalde’s POV
“Mattel’s dead,” Engr. Ruiz told me while we were sitting inside the conference room waiting for the teams to lay down their plans. He is one of the engineers in our company. Senior Engineer and one of our best. Although, he's just bit older than me but he has a lot of experience in managing the company unlike me who never wanted to do this in the first place.
I started managing the our company when my fucking brother left me alone. I shouldn't be managing this in the first place, but I had no choice. Now, I need to manage the airline and our real estate. Although my father and my grandfather are still helping me, they put the decisions in my hands. And, since I am the only one left now…I don't have a choice but to make this whole thing work. At least, I get to make myself busy. But, even though I am busy…I still remember everything each day. I couldn't sleep at night thinking of what happened between us.
You see, it fucking leave a scar in my heart...that each day I kept on asking what happened and what had gone wrong. Honestly, I don't know why. One second we are okay, she agreed to marry me...then the next day I saw her saying yes to Mattel...they even got married. So, what am I supposed to feel now? I don't know. I was numb...and I just don't know what to do anymore.
"Yeah. I heard it in the news," I clicked my tongue. It's been more than a year when they got married. And, now hearing the news that Mattel is dead...I can't help but to think of the reason why she chose to marry Mattel. Did they have some kind of deal? Why would she marry Mattel? I am pretty sure she loves me...she fucking love me that is why I don't know why she married Mattel. Damn! I hate this! Why did she do it? Was it because of her mother? Is that the reason why...damn! I want to see here.
"Why are you telling that to me now?" I rolled my eyes. I don't want to hear anything about them. Well, it was a lie as I loved hearing things about them. I want to know what Deanara is doing right now.
However, I don't know where exactly is she is. I went to Spain...but she isn't there. Where s she? I want to go now...but damn! I don't know what to do.
And, Lyuna...her friend doesn't also know where she is. Ugh! She left without saying goodbye to Lyuna. She cut all the communication with the people we are connected. Even his adopted brother doesn't know where she is. Clearly, she is in Spain...but where exactly is she?
He shrugged. "In case you want to know that Deanara is a widow now. Well, basically…she's single now." He smiled at me. He's been a friend to me and even though I hate it, he knows what happened. It's not like I can keep it when the whole world knew about it. Damn! I hate it. Good thing, I was never in the headline or in the news. It felt like Deanara really thought about this and she did everything for the press not to talk about it. It was like I never existed in her life at all. They must have controlled the media. Well, Mattel's really famous.
"She left," I plainly replied. I sighed. I could still feel the pain and the torn in my chest. Ugh! "She chose Mattel. We are done. I am done with her." I hissed. Although, that was a lie. I will never be done with her. Even if time has passed, it will always be her. And, I would definitely live alone if it was not her. I'd rather be alone. It's her that all I want.
I was never done with her. Each night, I still think of her…even the day and even if I am busy. I still think of her. And, our times together. It haunts me everyday because until now I don't know why she left me. My whole world shattered when she left me without even telling me why. Surely, she chose Mattel and at some point, I think there's a reason for it. But, I don't know why I kept on questioning myself. What did I do? Damn! I don't know! And, even my fucking brother left. I have a hint which revolves around me and Vivian. That fucking girl. It was because of her. But, if yes...Deanara should have let me explain but she agreed to marry Mattel after agreeing to marry me. What the fuck? What am I supposed to feel?
I was so devastated when she left me. And, what's worse is that I even brought her to Spain with Mattel. I fucking flew the plane they were riding because I wanted to make sure that she'll be safe even not in my arms. You see, that's so fucking hard on my part because even if I wanted to take her inside my arms, she was the one who doesn't want me anymore.
Until now, I don't know. She cried. I saw her crying, making me want to go to her and pull her away from Mattel's arms because that should be me. But, I didn't. I chose not to because I saw that no matter what happens, she is not going to choose me during that time. Her decision was final, that she’s not going to choose me. That hurts a lot because even at the worst times, I am going to choose her. Would that mean she doesn’t want me at her worst? She doesn’t want me to be her? She didn’t tell me why. She left me hanging, not knowing what to do.
What now, Deanara?
I know she loves me, why would she choose Mattel?
Is this because Mattel’s dead? And, this is the reason. I heard Mattel is sick. And, that confirms it now. He died after a year of them being together. Did they make a deal with each other? Is this all an act? But, she married the guy? Why would she go to that extent if she didn’t mean it? You see, that hurt a lot when she gave me herself that night and then married another guy. What am I then? This is surely karma. Fuck!
Did I do something wrong? I am trying to think about it.
Was it because of Vivian?
Somehow...I'd like to think it was also because of Vivian so I would know the reason. Ethan left Vivian, too. He ended everything between them when he learned that Vivian is pregnant. Damn! That bitch really ruined everything in my life. I want to blame her...but I know I am also at fault.
"Are you sure about that?" Engr. Ruiz asked. He looked at me and I know that he doesn't believe in me. Of course, it's obvious. He'd been asking me to date if I don't love Deanara at all...but I couldn't.
I didn't answer him. After all, I don't have any obligation to answer that. It's none of his business if I want Deanara back or not. Even if I wanted to, I don't know if she still wants me back. And, I hate to think that all along she's lying to me. Did she? Clearly, I don't know. I don't know what happened to us. I deserve to know what happened, but she didn't give me any explanation.
Engr. Ruiz didn't ask further questions since the team already arrived. They started their presentation and I tried my best to listen to what they were saying but I couldn't understand it. I let Engr. Ruiz handles it since I trust him. He'd been in the company for years and he’s been loyal to us. In fact, our family had given him higher positions. Sometimes I wish my father would give him the CEO position so I don’t have to think of anything else but my airlines. Although, that would be impossible because they are waiting for my brother...Ethan...who apparently vanished into thin air without even telling us where he is. Damn! What is he doing now?
I hate how he left me with all of this. I never wanted any of this and he should be in my position right now. Ugh! Damn him! I am going to curse him for the rest of my life. But, I wish him well because I have learned everything that Vivian had done to him...and I know how he feels because that’s what they did to me back to them. I may have hated my brother that much, but I know that the pain he is feeling right now is unbearable and I cannot blame if he will leave us.
Vivian is such a bitch. I cannot believe she can do that. Well, she did it to me, so it’s no difference that she can do it again towards Ethan. Damn! I cannot believe I fell in love with her.
All I want right now is a peace of mind, but I think I won’t be able to have it until I have Deanara inside my arms. Damn! Should I get her back? Mattel is dead. Maybe, now I have the chance.
"Engr!" Engr. Ruiz knocked on the door and opened it even without my permission. "We're having a drink. We'll count you in." He insisted. Here we go again. This isn't the first time that he asked me and I always say no because I just don't find drinking necessary.
When Deanara left, I drank and bathe myself with alcohol that it almost ruined me until I realized that Deanara would never want me to be like this. Deanara will come back and she won't be happy about me ruining myself. I know that even she left...she still thinks of me like I always think of her.
"I am busy," I said, without looking at him. I still have a lot of papers to sign and proposal that I need to check. I am also checking some plans and projects and closing deals with different company. We expanded our company and it's not becoming bigger than before which means more work.
"You are always busy. Come on! Have a drink with us." He urged me. "Just this time. We have things to celebrate since we closed the deal." He tapped my table and grinned.
I looked at him and shook my head. My schedule doesn't include drinking...so yeah...I want to say no but he kept on insisting and even pulled the paper in front of me. Damn! The last time I checked, I am his boss. Damn!
"Dude, seriously?" He hissed. "Are you going to let a girl get into you?"
Deanara is not just a girl…she's my whole life and when she left…I no longer know how to move from where I am. I am stuck and I chose to be like this.
You see, she is the only one I want to be with. If it's not her…then, I am willing to grow old. I am willing to grow alone.
"Are you not really going to leave me alone?" I hissed. I brushed my hair in frustration.
He nodded and sat on the couch. He opened the book I left there and I know that he has no intention of leaving the place for another hours unless I'll go with him.
"I'll wait till you say yes." He grinned. "We are waiting."
I rolled my eyes. As much as I want to get mad at him, I don't have any energy to argue with people now. All I want is for them to leave me alone, so I can be alone, but then there were moments where I wished someone was there with me because it's so sad. It's empty that I felt like killing myself because…I am useless. And, I felt like I don't know myself anymore. But, I have to live. I have to move forward because I am still hoping to see Deanara. I am still hoping we could continue our love story and have a happy life I have always wanted for us.
"Fine! But, just for an hour and I need to get back."
Engr. Ruiz smiled at me as we left my office. I know he'll not stop until I agree. And, even if I used my authority as the CEO, he still won't let go of it. Well, he's like my brother, although he's more close with Ethan since they have been partners since.
"Hey…" I paused. Should I ask him? I mean, Ethan is my brother. Of course, I should be curious about him because he is the reason why I am suffering here. Like, what the fuck. He should be in my position right now.
"What?" He asked. I was driving the car because if we’d be using his car then I won’t be able to go home.
We decided to go to Uptown for a drink. The rest of our office mates are following us. It seems like he called all the team to treat them for a drink because we closed a deal. I might as well treat them because they are the reason why our company is successful. Of course, without them we won’t be able to reach this far. Without them, we are nothing. That’s why I admire my family for taking care of our employees really well.
Traffic. This is what I hate in the city. Ugh! And, the reason why I don’t usually go out. I hate traffic because it makes me think of a lot of things that I should not be thinking about.
“How’s Ethan?” I asked.
Engr. Ruiz was surprised. He knew a lot of things about us and how we hated each other. So, it’s not everyday that I would ask about my brother. But, this is the time that I need him because I want to do the things I want to do in life.
“He should be the one managing the company, but I am here...managing this whole thing instead of just managing my airline.”  I clicked my tongue. “If you have any news about him. Can you tell him to come back?”
"I am afraid he doesn't have any intention to come back." Engr. Ruiz replied. "The last time I checked, he went to Spain."
"Spain?" I raised my brow. The cars started moving. I checked my watch. Finally! I hate this fucking traffic. It's not even rush hour but it felt like.
"Spain?" I repeated again. Is that a coincidence? Deanara is also in Spain. Why would my brother be in Spain when he could go to some other countries. Did he follow Deanara? Ugh! What am I thinking? What is this feeling? Is this the time where I have to go to Spain and check it?
"Isn't he in Boston?" I asked. My brother has a property in Boston and some parts of the State where we both grew up and Spain is the last thing I know he would want to go to. Unless he has some reasons why he is there. What could it be?
"No. He told me he is in Spain," Engr. Ruiz replied. "He's not active in his social media nowadays, but the last time I checked, he's with a girl in Spain."
"Do you know the girl?"
He shook his head.
"No. But, I heard from a common friend that they are expecting a baby."
I raised a brow. "Seriously? A baby?"
He nodded. "I am not sure who. But, he told me he is staying in Barcelona. You might want to visit him."
"Yeah. Sure. Just tell him to come back. I won't take care of the business for long." I groaned. Fuck! Baby? My heart was beating so fast. Am I right? Am I thinking right? But...Deanara married Mattel so it was impossible...what's that she's hitting three birds in one stone? Me, Mattel, then Ethan now? Damn! I fucking hate my mind for thinking this but I hope I am not right because if yes...then damn! I hate to think like this. I don't want Deanara's image be ruined by what I am thinking. I want to know the truth and I want to see it myself.
We started drinking inside the bar. We brought the whole team and since I don't want to mingle with other people…I decided to just rent the whole bar so they could all party.
I just watched them and pretended that I was enjoying this whole thing when in fact…I am bored and I want to go home. I don't want to be rude, so I just drink…controlling myself not to get drunk because I might do the most stupid thing in the world. And, that is to go to Spain.
Although, I don't need to be drunk to do that. I don't know what has gotten to me. I must have gone crazy because at that moment…I left the bar…and went to a coffee shop to drain the alcohol in my body. I sat there inside the coffee shop thinking and probably stopping myself not to go to Spain and see her. I know where she is and I could fly there any minute if I wanted to, but it is just I am afraid that I couldn't no longer stop myself if I see her. I might kidnap her or do some weird and even crazy things just to get her back.
I tried to think straight and to find logic in my decisions. And, to tell myself that I no longer have any right to see her because she doesn't want me anymore.
I stayed there for hours, thinking of the right thing to do. I don’t want to rush things nor do something that I would definitely regret after. Although, when it comes to Deanara nothing makes sense. I just know it’s the right thing.
After making sure, I have drained all the alcohol inside my body. I called my co-pilot and scheduled a flight going to Spain with me as the captain. It was a long drive that made me go insane by imagining a lot of things about Deanara. I don’t know what to think and I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but I can’t help it.
I think it’s been weeks since Mattel died. I am not sure since the world is still mourning his death. And, it would be easy for me to know where Deanara is because that is also where Mattel is. Barcelona might be big, but their family is quite famous here so I was able to know where their main company is located.
Is she here?
Honestly, I don’t know where to go. I stood there waiting for some miracle and just sign or something that would make me stop from actually going inside and to ask for her. Am I rude? Mattel just died and I am here standing hoping she would talk to me. Damn! I just want to see here. Is she here? Deanara…where are you?
And, my brother? Is she here?
I was standing for too long…not knowing what to do until a group of people from the inside started talking behind my back. I don’t usually pay attention but I heard my brother’s name. And, we have the same nationality. I think their company hires employees to give opportunities for Filipinos.
“So, it must be true that Deanara and Mattel’s marriage is a fake one just to hide her relationship with Ethan.”
Ethan? I looked at them. Fuck! Am I hearing this right?
“Yes, it must be? I don’t know how they’ve done that but come on…have you seen their baby?” One of the girls clicked her tongue. “It has more similarities with Ethan than Mattel so…like how?”
Baby? Wow. I was too stunned to speak.
“Yeah. I saw it when I visited the hospital to give some papers to Ethan.”
I didn’t let them finish. I have to see it for myself and there’s only one hospital here that I am sure they are in. I disguised myself and tried to blend it so people won’t notice me. I don’t want to see her…I don’t want her to see me. I just want to know and be sure of what I heard…after this…I guess it’s time to move on.
But, I am not moving on. I am just going to be alone because if it’s not Deanara…then it doesn’t matter anymore.
It seems like I don’t need to roam around the hospital to find them. I don’t need to look for them because they’re right in front of me now. Damn! Why did I even go here?
They were standing at the entrance of the hospital. Deanara was holding a baby but I couldn’t see the face from where I was standing. And, they don’t seem to notice the surroundings or even me because they are busy laughing with each other.
I can’t understand. I don’t want to jump into conclusion and as much as possible I still want to believe that Deanara never cheated on me because fuck! She could cheat all the way she wants…but what? No. I would accept anyone…but Ethan? Not for the second time.
Before I walked there and punched Ethan in the face, a limousine stopped in front of them. Ethan held Deanara and I mentioned all the curse in the world when he kissed her forehead before guiding her inside.
Deanara left. Ethan followed the limousine with his gaze.
As for me, I counted one…two…three…and when I couldn’t help it. I ran towards Ethan and punched him in the face.