Deanara Samaniego’s POV
“Are you sure about this?” Mattel asked as he held my hand tight.
“That’s the nth time you asked me, Mattel…and I am going to answer you for the nth time,” I looked at him. I fixed his cap and smiled at him. It was a weak one…and I don’t want to pretend that I am happy because there’s pain in my chest and it won’t just go away…it would take a lot of time for it to fade or maybe it won’t…it will always haunt me.
“You don’t love me,” Mattel shook his head. “I know you, so I think it would be fair for me to know the reason why you agreed on marrying me when you–”
“I love you, Mattel,” I sincerely replied. “Not how I used to love you before…but I do love you and…”
“What happened between you and Gray?” Mattel held my shoulder, urging me to tell him the truth. “I deserve to know why, after all…you are going to marry me.”
“He cheated on me,” My voice cracked. “And, please…let’s not talk about him, okay?” I bit my lower lip to stop myself from crying because I don’t want to break down in an airport while waiting for our flight.
Mattel hugged me. “I love you, Deanara,” he whispered and kissed the top of my head. “You can use me all you want to forget Gray and I won’t get mad at you, okay?”
“I’m sorry,” I shook my head. “I didn’t mean to do it…but…”
“It’s okay? Huh?” He wiped my tears and kissed my forehead. “I’ll make you forget him. Let’s start a new life in Spain. Shall we?” He offered his hand.
There was hesitation in my eyes. I stood there…staring at his hand for a moment before I decided to take it. And, at that moment…I know I cannot look back. This is a goodbye without looking back.
“Let’s go,” I replied.
Mattel fixed my hair and smiled at me as we walked.
“Don’t worry, there will be no lights, cameras, and press tonight,” he assured me.
After he proposed, which was just yesterday, I was bombarded with a lot of messages, calls, texts, and even comments on my social media account that I had to deactivate it and change my number. It was never easy to become the fiancée of a famous singer. But…I felt like floating in the air…and you know like I am the luckiest girl alive because among all the girls in the world…Mattel chose me. You see, a lot of girls wanted to have him…and he is with me now.
But…I would be more happy if that would be Gray.
Gray…I broke his heart and I would forever be sorry about it even though he deserves it.
“Thank you,” I replied.
“My management pulled some strings,” he whispered. “Don’t worry, just sleep inside the plane,” he added. “Don’t think of anything else.”
I nodded.
It was a lie. Right now, I am thinking about a lot of things including Gray. That particular moment during the Mattel concert probably broke him apart…and I am worried that he might do something that would hurt him. I just hope he is fine.
“Mattel,” his manager called. “Let’s get inside the plane now,” he guided us.
I don’t know what had gotten on me that I stopped. It’s my instinct. It was telling me to stop…and not to go inside the plane.And, fuck! I know this feeling. Why? Why am I still waiting for Gray? Why am I expecting that I would hear his name calling me?
“Can I make a call?” A pause. “I forgot something and I just want to tell my brother about it,” I lied.
Mattel nodded and hugged me. “It’s okay, Deanara. It’s okay if you will—”
“Wait for me, okay?” I kissed the sides of his lips. “I’ll be back. Wait for me.”
“I’ll be waiting.”
I immediately went to the waiting area. I picked up my phone and dialed my brother’s number…but then I changed my mind and dialed Ethan’s number. He promised me that he’ll look after Gray for a while before following me to Spain. He’s going to settle everything with Vivian and finally stay with me.
It was on the third ring that a voice from behind spoke. I’ve imagined this scenario in my head a lot of times since I said I do in front of the world…and I clearly know that Gray will never sit tight and will not let me go without hearing any explanation.
“Babe…”
My heart aches. Fuck! I dropped my phone. My whole body was shaking. I don’t know what to do. Should I turn around? How could I face him? How could I — damn! He hugged me from behind and I tried hard not to cry because that would mean that I still care for him…that I have feelings for him. My instinct was right. It was him. I know he will be here.
“Babe…” He repeated as he hugged me tight. He placed his forehead on my shoulder. Oh my gosh! I cupped my mouth when I heard him crying. No! Not like this. I don’t want to see him. I want to leave without seeing him. That’s the reason why I wanted to get away here as much as possible because I am afraid that I might stay…and forget how he hurt me. And, I am afraid that I would believe in him even when I have enough proof that he’s lying to me.
Why?
Why is he here?
Why can't he just let me go? He can be happy with Vivian now as Ethan will let go of Vivian. There is no need for the both of them to hide their feelings from us. They can be free. Our hearts can be free from all the lies.
“Let’s go home, huh?” His voice cracked. “Please…”
I closed my fist. My tears started to prick my eyes but I won’t let them fall. My decision is final. I am going to free my heart. I am going to choose my happiness over anything else. But, it’s ironic because Gray is my happiness.
“Is this all an act?” He continued. “It’s okay. I’ll listen. Just tell me…tell me that—”
“Gray,” I gathered all my strength to let go of his embrace. “This is real, okay? I am marrying –” I paused when I saw how devastated Gray is. And, I just couldn’t continue my words because I could feel the pain he is feeling right now.
Why? He’s confusing me confuse.
“Why?” He cupped his eyes as tears started to fell from his eyes. “Why are you doing this to me? Why are you doing this to us?” He couldn’t believe it. “You love me. I know that. You agreed on marrying me…then…why? What happened? Tell me. I won’t get –”
“I don’t love you anymore.”
I gasped for air. Damn! My tears won’t just stop.
“Wow!” He sarcastically laughed. “Do you think I would believe you– Tell me. What’s the problem? I am going to fix it. Just tell me. Let’s fix this.”
Oh my gosh!
Gray kneeled in front of me and begged.
“Stand up, please…” I gulped the lump on my throat as I tried to pull him up but we were both weak to even move from that spot.
“D-deanara, please…” he whispered. “Y-you are so unfair…why? T-ell me…”
I counted one…two…and three… I cannot fall for this. For once, I want my peace of mind and Gray is ruining it. I do love him and I could feel that he loved me, too, but we won’t be okay…we won’t be fine as long as Vivian is with him…ruining us. He should know that. Why is he pretending that he doesn’t know about it?
Why is he acting like this?
He is making it hard for me.
“Gray…let’s stop this, okay?” I smiled a bit. “I-I am breaking up with you.”
“No! Please…” he begged. “P-please…let’s fix this…”
I shook my head.
“I am tired, Gray…” I cried and I could no longer stop it. “Look at me, Gray…” I ordered him. “I am so tired…of us…so please…can you—can you let me go?”
“Do you love me?”
“My love for you is no longer enough for me to stay,” I caressed his face and smiled. “Let’s fix ourselves first, okay?”
Gray kissed me…and I hate how I responded in his kisses.
“I love you,” he kept on repeating with a smile on his face. “And, I’ll make it last.”
“Don’t,” I shook my head. “Don’t love me.”
I let go of his hand and bowed my head a little.
“I am marrying Mattel, so please…find someone else.”
I turned my back. I have a lot of things I want to say. I want to hear his explanation. I want him to know the reason why I left him…but I guess those words will forever be kept inside my chest. And, I’ll put that curse in him…that everytime he thinks of me…he’ll always wonder why I left him. I know it’s unfair…but he cheated on me. He cheated on me. So, I guess he deserves that. He deserves to question his worth like how he made me do it.
I am choosing myself now because I have realized that no matter how much I loved the person, it’s no longer worth it if he’s ruining my peace of mind. Love should be peaceful. And, it’s no longer healthy to stay in a relationship where trust is no longer present. As of the moment, I no longer trust Gray. And, it would take a lot of years for me to trust him again.
“Are you okay?” Mattel approached me as soon as I found our seat inside the plane. Thank God, there weren’t a lot of people inside the plane and I hope this would not do any harm to Mattel’s career. I just had a moment with Gray in the airport. Nevertheless, Mattel already retired from his career…and I no longer care about what people think.
“Yeah,” I smiled at him. “I just need to cry,” I hugged him. “Thank you for waiting.”
“I know you’ll come with me,” he whispered. “And, I am so proud of you for letting go of the one who hurts you even if it means letting go of the one you truly love.”
“Thank you,” I whispered.
“I promise that I’ll make you happy for the rest of my life,” Mattel added. “Thank you for being with me.”
That broke my heart. It only occurred to me that another heartbreak will tear me apart. Mattel’s life is on the line…and it would only take months before he left me. Damn! By then…I no longer have someone else with me. And, can I make it?
“Mattel, don’t leave me…” I bit my lower lip. “Okay?”
He nodded.
“I will always be here with you,” he meaningfully replied. “Stop crying, okay?”
He wiped my tears and smiled at me. He placed my head on his shoulder after he put my seatbelt on. We waited for another minute before the plane finally took off. It’s a long drive and all I did was sleep as it calmed me. Perhaps, I would continue making myself busy for me to forget Gray…although that’s quite impossible because even in my sleep he was there.
I woke up with Mattel humming in my ears. He kissed the top of my forehead and greeted me good morning. I looked outside. The sun has already risen. It’s such a beautiful sight to see, but even the sunrise reminds me of Gray now.
“We’re here…” Mattel told me.
“Yeah, we’re here…” I whispered as I stared outside the plane.
This is where I am going to start my new life. I am going to leave everything behind. I am going to forget Gray…and all the pain he had caused me. I am moving forward. Perhaps, we are meant to end like this. This is our end. And…even though it had ended…Gray is still the best thing that ever happened in my life. And, if given a chance…I would still love to meet him over and over again.
“Ready?” Mattel reached for my hand as the flight attendant guided us.
I nodded. Although, my whole body went numb when I heard his voice.
“Thank you for flying with us. This is Captain Isaac Gray Holster Elizalde,” I cupped my mouth and widened my eyes. Oh my gosh! Shit! He flew this plane. He is the captain?
“Welcome to Spain,” he added. And, I broke down when Gray said, “I’ll be waiting for you…no matter how long it takes. So, wear your best smile when you see me again, my Deanara!”