Deanara Samaniego's POV
"You don't love me?" He repeated again, not really letting go of the topic.
I didn't answer. Not because I don't know the answer, but because I don't want to lie again. And, I have been lying for years. I don't want to continue lying forever.
For a moment, I thought of telling the truth because he deserves it. But, I was afraid to say it. I was afraid that if he heard it again…he's going to do everything to have me. And, I might lose my mind again. I might go back to him again. I don't know if we will work for the second time. I am not ready. I am still scared because honestly…I lost my trust in him.
"I need to go." I seriously told him when he blocked my way. "I need to go, so I appreciate you leaving, too."
"This is my home." He responded. I felt like he wasn't pertaining to the house…but he was pertaining to me standing in front of him.
He was my home, too. Now, Sae is my home.
"I am going to ask you again." My whole body froze when he placed his hands on my shoulder as he faced me. I looked the other way because I didn't want to stare at his eyes. "Is Sae my son?"
"He is not." I replied. I had practiced that for years in case this time would come, but still my voice broke. "He is Ethan's son."
He smirked as he let me go. "What am I going to do to you, Deanara?"
"Leave me alone!" I turned my back to leave, but he made me stop with his words.
"What am I going to do with you if I have proven that he is indeed my son?" He was mad now. I could feel it in his voice.
I bit my lower lip as I inhaled. Damn! How am I able to keep up with this lie? It's not working anymore. Gray knew. Of course, he knows! He felt that. Sae is his son.
"Prove to me first, Gray." I pretended to be tough, but actually on the verge of crying. I don't know what he will do if he learns about it. But, I am sure as hell I will not let him have Sae.
Thankfully, he didn't follow me. He let me leave the place. So, I was able to have some peace of mind. I passed by a coffee shop near the village and ordered some breakfast. I stayed there for an hour thinking of what to do in case I crossed paths with Gray again. Ugh! I hate this! We really need to go back to Finland now. If we will not go back, then Gray might really get Sae from me. And, he would hate me because Sae will not go to him. Sae loves Ethan…and I just don't know how am I going to tell him that Ethan isn't his father.
"Mommy!" Sae excitedly went towards me. He was standing in front of the mirror while Ethan was brushing his hair. "I missed you. Where have you been?"
I kissed his forehead and hugged him. "I missed you, too. How are you? I hope you didn't give your Daddy Ethan's headache."
Sae pouted. "Of course not. But, where did you go? I was looking for you because you vanished. You haven't even met Uncle Gray." He pinched my cheeks as he wrapped his arms around my neck. "Have you seen him? I just realized that I look like him. Isn't that amazing?"
I almost fell from my position when I heard that. Ethan can't help but smile and I know that he was teasing me. Wow! Now, he has the nerve to tease me! Ugh! His brother is giving me a headache. He should help me.
"Really? You look like him?" I pretended not to know because what could I say? What will I say? "I haven't seen him since."
"Then, let's go to their office. Grandpa called and said he wanted to see me."
I looked at Ethan and he shrugged. Seriously? What the hell is this guy thinking? Is he playing with me?
"Okay. How about you go get your things while I get ready." I kissed his forehead. "I'll talk to your daddy."
"Okay." He smiled as he nodded. For a second, I thought of seeing Gray in him. They really look alike. "But, Mommy…when are you going to marry daddy?"
I choked. Ethan froze on his spot and I know he didn't expect that. He had been a father to Sae for years, but never once we talked about our real status. Well, we did. But, it was just how we love each other…but not really how we want to be with each other. We are happy with how things are going between us. Like I said, a part of me wanted to be with Ethan because why not? But...there's also a part of me that doesn't want to because it would be unfair with Gray. I don't know. Will we become a happy family just because he knew that Sae is his son? Will it work just because of that? I doubt that. It's been a long time...and there's a lot of damage on both sides that is hard to erase. The scars are still there.
"Why are you suddenly asking that?" I asked, surprised.
"Nothing. The kids in our school told me that their parents got married before having them. Did you get married? I mean, you have me but why is our family kind of weird?"
I looked at Ethan and asked for help because I don't know what I am going to say to him. He's growing up and starting to question what's happening around us…and how can I tell him? He's not stupid...eventually he'll know. I still don't know what Gray will do after what he told me.
"Let's talk about this some other time. We'll be late. So, how about you go first with your daddy then I'll meet you in the office?" I fixed his hair and smiled at him. "We'll eat lunch together. I still need to do something in our company. Okay?"
"Okay." He pouted. "I'll see you there, Mom." He kissed me.
I nodded at Ethan as he followed Sae. I don’t know what will happen, but I am starting to get scared, especially that Gray will be seeing Sae. What are the things that could possibly happen if they see each other again. There are a lot of things that I know will happen...and thinking about them made me hate myself even more. And, I know that I am to blame for the things that will happen in the future. I just hope that Sae will be able to forgive me because I can’t lose him. It's okay to lose Gray...but not Sae...he’s all I have right now. I can accept the fact that Gray and I will never be together again, but I cannot accept the fact that he will get Sae away from me. If ever...we either need to work things out or we will probably bring this to the court. Whichever, I am going to fight for it. Still, I want Sae to have a say on this. I hope he will not get mad at me.
Before heading to the office to have lunch with my son, I went to our company to check and see the people I am going to work with. Honestly, this is giving me a headache. If only I could actually give this company to someone else, then I probably would have done it yet my mother wanted me to handle this. Ugh!
After introducing myself, I started working with our projects and talked to our clients. We’re an architectural company while Ethan’s company is more on construction. I once thought of merging our company with them because that would make us inevitable if it weren’t for my mother. Now, I am really considering marrying Ethan. Should I marry him? Yes, silly me. I know I am making things worse by doing another thing that’s not going to end things...but why not? Ethan’s nice and even my son wants him...only if Gray isn’t in the picture right now. Ugh!
“Should we get married?” I asked Ethan.
He choked as the water slowly dripped from his mouth. He covered his mouth with his hands and started coughing...while looking at me with his wide eyes. He really has a resemblance with Gray...but Gray’s features are stronger than his.
“Are you joking?” He asked after recovered from what I just said. He wiped his mouth and removed the paper from his table that was soaked with water. “Ugh! Seriously...now I have to print this paper again.” He called his secretary to prepare the papers again before turning to me.
Sae wasn’t around because he wanted a donut, so he was with our driver buying donuts at the nearby coffee shop. I just arrived a few minutes ago...and felt like talking about these things, especially now that his father would definitely ask about him...about Sae. Okay...complicated. Damn! I never thought this would happen. Now...I am starting to regret it.
“Do I look like I am joking?”
“No. And, you are making me terrified right now.” He shook his head. “Seriously...like...are you okay?”
“Do you still love Vivian?” I asked him.
“No.” He easily said it was nothing to him now. Well, I could feel like it was really nothing to him anymore. I mean, it's evident that he doesn't love Vivian.
"Do you like me?" I bravely asked. Well, I know what he is feeling...I still want to ask though.
"Aren't you supposed to be asking me if I love you?" He raised his brow.
"Do you?"
He looked at me for a moment before he smiled at me. His eyes were amused, maybe by what I said…"Yes." There was no hesitation in his voice. "If yes, will you marry me?"
"How about you buy a ring and ask?" I teased him.
He chuckled as he shook his head. "Are you going to say yes because you want to spend your life with me or are you saying yes because you think it will help you solve the future problems on your hand?"
"You got me there." I clicked my tongue. "I am really sorry for putting troubles on your plate."
"I love Sae, Deanara." He nodded. "And, I never regretted being a father to him and I would still do it. I can marry you...you know I love you. And, I know for the past years you have grown to love me…we can make it work."
"But…there's a but, right?"
He nodded.
"My conscience will not make me sleep at night knowing that it's still Gray all these times. Am I right?"
I smiled a bit. "I don't know anymore. It's like I am just happy because I met him…and I am happy I have Sae…but it's not anymore about staying with him."
"Sae…" Ethan sighed. "He deserves to know it. So, please…tell him."
"I don't know how to."
"Tell it to Gray first."
I sighed. "I am afraid…" I moved my head sideways. "I am afraid that Sae…sae will hate me."
"Sae loves you. He will understand."
Ethan stood up and hugged me when he realized that I was about to cry. I guess this is the first time I cried again…and it just hurts. We're back in here again which made me realize that we cannot really move on from the past if we are not yet done. We need to settle things first before we can finally move on.
"Did you tell your father about it?" I whispered.
"Not yet," he responded. "Well, I don't know but I think they are sure it's my kid. He looks like Gray, but it's also my look when I was a kid. I mean, it runs in the blood and in our genes. So…we can say it's a coincidence."
"Only that Gray isn't a fool to believe in that." I sighed. Ethan wiped the tears in my eyes as he kissed my forehead.
"Sae wants us to get married. What are you going to do?" I asked him.
"What do you want to do, Deanara?"
"What will your brother do?"
Ethan smiled. "For starters, he'll prove that Sae is his kid. And, he's going to fight for it. I know my brother...he will not sit tight knowing that Sae is his child...and you are the love of her life.” Ethan teased. “You are still.”
“How can you say that? He cheated on me…”  I sighed. That’s the most heartbreaking part because he told me that he loves me but still he chose to cheat on me. “I guess it’s Vivian...it will always be Vivian.”
“No…” Ethan was sure of it. “I know my brother…”
“What does that even mean?”
“He never went to this extent when it was Vivian who hurt him.”
“What extent are you talking about?”
“You can just ask him. And, does it matter?  I mean...do you want to marry him instead of me?”
I coughed as I shook my head. “That’s not the issue here.”
“No. It is the issue here. What are you going to do if he finds out? Surely, he will ask you to marry him.”
“That is why you need to marry me first,” I scoffed. “Buy me a ring with a diamond on it. Got it?” I flipped my hair as I glared at him. “Make it a memorable proposal. Will you?”
Ethan chuckled. “Yeah. Sure...only if you do really love me.” He acted hurt as he held onto his chest like he was in pain.
“I do love you, Ethan.” I sincerely told him.
“Only that it wasn’t enough to replace Gray in your heart. Am I right?”
Before I could say a thing, the door opened. Sae was holding an ice cream on his left hand while his right hand was holding his father’s hand. He was smiling at us as he licked his ice cream.
“Uncle Gray bought me an ice cream.” He happily said.
I was too stunned to speak that all I did was stared at my son and Gray. Damn! I am so stupid. Now that Sae is near him...he has all the ability to actually find evidence that will prove that Sae is his son. With the look he is giving me now, I am sure that he knows...he knew the truth and every lie that would be coming out of my mouth.
“Did you say thank you?” I asked.
“Yes, Mom.” Sae walked towards me and kissed my cheeks before heading to Ethan, eventually hugging him.
Gray’s face darkened and I know it was because he was jealous of the attention that Sae was giving to Ethan when it should be for him.
There was another silence between us and it was only Sae saying something that I couldn’t actually comprehend because my head was already spinning and I have a lot of things I am thinking right now and couldn’t process another one.
It was then the door opened again...and I almost cursed upon realizing it was Gray’s father.
“I heard my grandson is here…” He turned to me before looking at Sae. His lips parted and was about to say something when Ethan stood up and introduced my son.
“Dad, sorry it took a long...but this is Sae…” I motioned Sae to go to his grandfather. “My son.”
“Your son?” He raised his brow as he looked at Gray.
He turned to me to clarify things...and probably asked if he heard it right from Ethan. What should I say?
“You look like…” He paused as he bit his lower lip. Yeah. I know what he is thinking.
“Didn’t know you were together. You married Mattel. Am I right?”
I should really need to kill myself after this because instead of clearing things up, I made it even more confusing and complicated.
“Ethan and I are getting married, Mr. Elizalde.”