Eros
Weeks and months passed when the Dear Father called me again. I don't know what's going on with me, but I'm not comfortable with how I feel. It was as if there was some kind of race inside my chest as I flew into the golden kingdom.
When I got inside I was immediately greeted by the other angels scattered in every corner of that room. He has - he does and has their own worlds. Others are laughing and talking about things.
The moment I approached the throne of the Dear Father, I stood in front of him before I bowed my head as a sign of respect.
"Ajal told me that you're looking for me, dear father." I said as soon as I could get up properly.
My two hands are hidden behind my back while standing upright. And as usual, I am wearing my stoic expression while staring at nothing but particular.
It's been since I came here decades ago, I haven't experienced looking at his face because it's so bright. Not even one of us angels has seen him except for his white -clad body.
"I just wanted to ask about to your mission. Didn't you have a problem?" its question that made me nod.
"My mortal mission went well, father." Half truth, I confess.
"Good then. Don't hesitate to talk to me if anything is bothering you, child." He said that I nodded again.
"I will, dear father."
I don't know where I get the courage to say that. I knew it was wrong to keep a secret but I no longer knew what to do. I already love the mortal, but I am afraid to be one of the angels whose wings were cut off and thrown to earth as a punishment just because of an angel's forbidden love for a human.
I used to think that it was much simpler for angels to fall in love with mortals because they would just be taken off their wings and thrown into the human world as punishment, than for angels to be cast into hell because of sin and temptation given by devil, but I was wrong. They are both going through a difficult time. There is no solution to the problems faced by the angels who sinned and the angels who fell in love with mortals.
Until now, what happened to the angels who were cast down from heaven after being taken off their wings is still a mystery. No one can say what happened to them after that incident. Did they become human? Are those fallen angels became identified with angels who were led by Satan in rebellion against God and equated with demons or, are they imprisoned in the 2nd heaven?
I don't know.
When I got out of that room I immediately went to the place where I always rest while thinking things through.
I took a deep breath as I stared at the clear dark sky. If I will fight the love I feel for that mortal, only then will I know where and what happened to those fallen angels who disobeyed the command of god. If I disobeyed his command not to love a mortal, I would probably experience the experiences of the angels cast out from heaven. And there, all the questions that are on my mind right now will be answered.
"I don't like what you're thinking, Eros." Ajal said in a serious voice from behind me.
"What else can I do, Ajal? My love for that mortal is deepened already. And I don't know how else to stop it." I replied then combed my finger through my hair because of frustrations.
"How about your promise to your brother? Will you let him be swallowed up by anger when he finds out that you both love the same mortal? But not only that, if he is able to renounce his love for that human, you are willing to renounce everything you have, especially you being a brother to Eron and you being a Guardian Angel just because of that forbidden love to a human. "
He has a point. But my mind is in troubled right now. I don't know what to think anymore. This feelings frustrates the whole of me.
"Think wisely, Eros. You're smart enough to know what to do with it. You weren't like this before. You have a solution to all problems that comes your way as a Guardian angel. But what's happening now? It doesn't seem like it's you anymore." He said as he placed his arms around my shoulder and tapped it gently. "I am saying this for your own good. I don't want you to be ruined just because you love that human. So please, think twice before you make a decision for yourself. Think about what the consequences of all your hard work will be if it all comes to nothing. Angels are not selfish, Eros. You know that."
"Even I don't know myself as well, anymore. I don't know what's going on with me. I'm in a mess too. I always felt frustrated everytime I think about this forbidden love towards that human. I don't want to betray father, and Eron as well. But I can't help it. I am drowned with my emotions." I honestly said without any second thoughts.
"I know you can get through this too. Just don't despair. And don't ever get carried away by your emotional leap."
Ajal is a good friend and a very good adviser too. He helps me with things. He also told me that there is a second heaven. He knew a lot except what happened to the fallen angels after they had their wings cut off. He is grumpy at times, but he is the most serious when it comes to problems between Angel and man.
"By the way, Eron is coming." He tapped my shoulder for the last time before he disappeared in the wind.
I took another heavy breath as I lean my back on the railings at the rooftop of the huge building.
Should I tell him about my feelings for that same human? Or just keep it to myself instead?
Am I ready to betray him and choose to give up everything especially being a Guardian angel? And commit the sin of the forbidden love to a human?