Ajax Galen ignored the guilt feeling he felt. Reprimanding himself, he kept reminding himself that he should forget about Azaiah for a while. He should. But he couldn’t. He missed her- he missed her face. He missed having to see her presence in front of him. Having her around, near him it’s something he want to have.
His eyes observed his father’s eyes. Meeting it with the same mysterious gaze, he cannot show any hint of any vulnerable emotion in his eyes. The act- was so spotless. Or was it not? He hoped what he did is enough to convince his father.
“How are you feeling son? After doing that to her?” Alderam’s gaze lingered. He didn’t removed his stare that easily. He wants to see an emotion, a reaction from his son.
“What I feel is not important. Yours it.” Galen slowly caught that he himself is slowly catching up.
Matching to his father’s mannerism, he was able to caught himself thinking that he is somewhat becoming like him at this given time. His body went rigid. He stilled. Unable to ease his body from the rigity he felt at the moment. His jaw hardened. He can felt the corners of it, and it was stiff. Too stiff that he can feel the compactness of its tightening. He waited for his father to add something.
“You can never trust her. She is her mother’s daughter. That girl acquired her slick viperous trait. You’ll be able to see it flash before you. And you will tell me one day that I your father is right from the start.” He never failed to remind him of this. When he told him he made friends with her daughter a flitching hostility almost war-like came. He hated the girl’s mother.
The tight knot he felt inside his stomach deterred him from saying something. He wanted to respond. To tell his father that he’s wrong. But he chose to honor his head and the coming thoughts that came after his shock. He tossed another guilt feeling. The diversion didn’t work on him, because he’s indeed guilty not only towards Azaiah but for her Mom too. Amelia treatment towards him was good. It’s not tied from whatever past hostilities she had with his parents.
“You’re silent. That means you are giving it your thought.” His father threw another blow.
For Ajax, his father is wrong. He shied away from replying to help himself to walk into the opposite direction. Too much, it’s too much that he’s starting to feel that he is at a confusing standpoint, one that gives him headaches.
“Have you settled things with Mom’s situation?” Angling his head he tilted it to have a view of his father’s face. “You should do something before it is all too late for you, Dad.” He left to head upstairs.
Fury started to slowly get into him. The animosity began to rise. He hated the information he knew. His mind began to remember the conversation he had with his father earlier. He couldn’t abandon what happened too easily. He opened his phone and stare at its wallpaper. He started to stimulate the emotion that’s been trying to come out. As if in a cue, the activation began to start. He harshly wiped the liquid that fell from his eyes. Alleviating what he truly felt for her didn’t work. It couldn’t work because it’s her. Asserting to pretend that he didn’t care- only tightens his chest even more. As if his heart is being squeeze. The separation that they had and him ignoring her. He began to sob. He was so wrong for treating her like that. He regrets acting close off. Acting like he is running away from her. That her existence disgusted him, it’s haunting him. He can still remember how her innocent look waited for him to do something, something that isn’t too disappointing.
“She was too trusting.” He continued to look at the photo of Azaiah. He acted cold, he acted harshly, he gave in to the boiling fierceness he felt within because of his anger that was building up. He was too in denial.
He truly didn’t know what happened to their parents. And here he was making judgments. His mother’s word, his father’s statement, it didn’t make any sense. Something is wrong. Something is in need to be resolve. Their situation needs closure. His parents need to talk about it. They need to face their own demons. They need to tell each other the uncomfortable truths they both hid.
He went to his bed. Laid his head on the mattress, thinking on how he can go back. So he can finally see her again. She is his peace, his solace. Her presence is everything. Seeing her always calms his nerves.
“I love pink. I really love pink. It’s very beautiful.” She was smiling with hilarity as she stared at her dress. Another pink dress that she wore.
He stared at her. This girl is crazy. She was the one who acted too passionate when she told him that his favorite color is red. He felt something. His heart. He frowned upon feeling it.
“Don’t you have at least one friend?” The girl’s mouth twitched.
Ajax found it cute. But he ended up frowning in the end.
“I don’t have one.” He replied.
“So, it’s just the two of us then?” Azaiah’s lip pursed after she said it.
“You know. I am not a liar. I love pink. I love red.” She added while she remembered her words during their first meeting.
“I know. One doesn’t need to conform oneself to only love one specific color.” His response towards Azaiah, is truth.
Curiosity flickered in her eyes. She smiled. “We’re now friends right? You’re not going to take it back right?”
A tsk sound came from his mouth. He shot her with his not so annoyed look. “Too many questions. I am someone who can stick to my words. Don’t worry, I have no plans on taking it back.”
He stood there, feeling astounded. Sigrid is hugging him. And he doesn’t know what to do. He just stood there, unable to decide what he will do with it. Sigrid’s hug tightened even more. It left him with no choice but to return the hug he received. He felt his lip moved. He caught himself smiling.
The memory made him felt even guiltier. How can he do it to her? How can he be too reckless to let their bond slipped out of his mind? Instead of assessing the situation in an unbiased position, he judged it too quickly. And now he doesn’t know how to make up for this silly mistake he’d done.
He shut his eyes. Closing his lids, he mumbled a prayer. The prayer was for him, for him to do something into trying to fix things and to find solutions. So he can go back. So he can finally present himself back in front of her again. This time, he will make it up to her.