Sigrid Azaiah
Innumerable magic happening in my everyday life. I'm happy. I am no longer someone who's heart is yearning into having the expectation on love. I can now find love everywhere.
I have Ehaan. Our decision to leave everything behind us, our past lives and live the kind of life we really wanted placed us the best situation we ever have. We've rented our rooms and live closer together. We've studied in the same university. We've imbibe the journey of learning about the world of fashion. The international introduction about fashion changed our life. Ehaan and I both decided to go and enter the fashion industry. We have friends from different parts of the world that made our friend group diverse.
No dramatic things just harmony.
I am loving my life. I can finally say that I am no living the kind of life that makes my soul dance lively inside my body. So much joy in living the kind of life that is in true resonance with the yearnings of my soul. I no longer make faux pass no gobble disappoints down my throat. The kind of life I have now is both thrilling and filled with the fulfillment that I need.
Good luck, prosperity, and abundance seemed to follow me everywhere.
“You are meant to be free.” It was what Ehaan said to me when we first had our first dinner in New Orleans. When we fled and made our way out of the restaurant that evening.
We explored the city. Watching the clouds on our long rides. Our first celebration of holidays. Our cups of coffee after school. The times when we journeyed downtown. We were basically were living our life having fun adventures. Together.
I stroke and made a few light brushes towards the canvas I am working on. Who knew I finally can paint whatever I wanted?
I stared at the canvas in front of me. Years have passed but I still have this unchanged obsession with lotus blossom.
____
Ehaan and Azaiah eating together.Ehaan was smiling happily to her.
“I hated the fact that you're supportive.” Azaiah frowned. She told him about Galen. And how he stopped her to talk with her privately but she walked away in the search for Ehaan.
Ehaan's fixed gaze where on her firmly. “That's your second chance.” He kept the smile on his face despite teasing Azaiah.
Azaiah continued frowning. She had this irritable feeling seeping through her. She even feel more of it when she saw Ehaan's smile.
“You don't want to talk to him.” It wasn't a question. It was not a guess but a statement of fact from Ehaan.
“I left him in the room when he wanted to talk to me.” She said the word again, repeating it as she's making voluntary glances on the food in front of her. She can't eat.
Ehaan put his saucers down and stared at her. He sliced her a cake
“Here.” He put it in front of her. “It's sometimes okay to give in to temptations. Especially when it comes to food.” He winked at her.
“Ehaan.” She whined. "I'm dieting. The calories...” Sjs protested.
" Just eat it, Azaiah. I know you wanted that cake. You kept looking at it. Don't tell me...” He took another bite, chewed it, and then swallowed it. “You wanted me to feed you instead.”
“Ehaan.” It was another whine from her.
Ehaan chuckled.
“Fine, I'll eat this.” She took a bite. “I won't talk to him.” She said it honestly.
“Azaiah.” His voice is tolerating but firm. It almost sounded a bit disappointed to her.
She stared and then she looked away. She remembered that years has past and the things that happened. She feared repeating cycles. Repetitive cycles that are toxic—she can't stand them. She hates having to repeat the past. Having to dig it up again. Excavation is something she's been trying to avoid. It was long forgotten. And remembering them and talking about it with Ajax will unleashed forgotten memories and feelings that were already buried deeply. She look down at the food and took another bite. She was chewing it lightly while thinking of all the ways she can do to avoid it.
She doesn't want the past to come back and haunt her again. Her past failures, her foolishness. No. It can't be back.
Ehaan is conscious of how she's acting. He's been observing her as she ate her food. She doesn't want to give Galen the chance to explain about his part. He understand her reasons and her concerns. But for him it's one of the way she can finally let go and live her life without being scared of the things and the people she left behind. He knew about her sufferings, the growing pains she had and how she manged to help heself and get back up on her own. It's the willingness she had in her that kept her determined to walk through her own life without trying to look back.
But Azaiah is still affected. No matter how she's trying to reject it—it just as obvious for him that he still hasn't fully forgive not only the people who hurt her but also herself. She's been too critical of her past failures and her past that a mention of it is enough for her to feel the concealed pain and grudge she's still hide inside her.
“Years had past, Azaiah.” His voice gentle. “It's been years.”
She exhaled a sigh. She knows that it's been years. But. “I know. But it's just.” She looked up to him. “It's making me uncomfortable. There's something in me Ehaan that is been resistant of it.”
“Azaiah. Talk to him. You two are both adults now. Sort those things out that in need to be sorted. You don't want clarity?”
Azaiah made another sigh. She's been sighing a lot upon their talk this morning. She's upset that she still has to deal with the matters of the past.
She tried her best to get herself out. There's no way she will let it back again.