“Date? Are you serious, Xavier?” I faked a laugh and tried to pull my hand out of his hold. He then let go of it so I took that chance to give us enough distance.
“Are you even serious of that, Xavier? You’re thinking that way to me? Just because I go with him that means we go on a date? If you were there, then I’ll be with you. But where are you? You were so busy with your recording right? I understand that, I truly do. I am always choosing to understand you even most of the time you keep on letting me down, even though you keep making me disappointed. I looked so stupid excited to see you there waiting for me but who came? Lucas. He was the one waiting for me even though it was supposed to be you. I am so disappointed of you but I choose to understand you because that is for your career. You want that, it is your dream. I am trying my best to keep in my mind that you have to stay there for your career but this stupid mind of mine keeps on reminding me that shit, Samantha’s there. And now you were thinking that way? Yes, we go out. I asked him to bring me somewhere because I felt so sad. And I keep on thinking things I shouldn’t think of,” I am trying so hard to hold my tears but I couldn’t.
“And why are you bring Samantha up? You were the one doubting! You’re thinking too much and you were overreacting. What’s wrong if I’m with her? That’s their company so basically we would be together most of the time. But how about you and that Lucas? You two weren’t even close. You barely know him but you still choose to ask him to bring you somewhere? Where’s your friend? Or you really want to be with that guy?”
I feel like I was being stabbed in my chest as I hear him say those things. He thinks of me that way?
I slapped him. He was shocked and honestly I am too but I tried my best to hold myself together.
“Don’t you ever talk as if I am not a decent person Xavier? You don’t have the right to think of me that way because my feelings for you caused all of this. This doubt that I am feeling? The fear and all the worries? All of that is because of you and the way you made me feel. You are asking me, what’s wrong with you and Samantha being together most of the time? Did you just forgot Xavier? Or you were just thinking that I don’t know?” I stopped for a bit to wipe the tears at my face, “I may choose to be stupid for staying with you but I am not numb. I can feel you both. I was just acting like I couldn’t see anything, I just acted all along that it was definitely fine but I know, you both love each other until now. So stop asking me that because I can answer that honestly. I am not blind Xavier and I am definitely not numb. I can see and feel your excitement whenever she’s around. I can see right through your eyes how much you still love her. Don’t ever say to me that I am overreacting because we both know I am not. Do not accuse me for liking someone else because between us, you were the one who loves someone else. Can’t you see it? I am so stupid right? I know that you still love her but I keep on pushing myself on you. You we’re accusing me that I love someone else when you were the one feeling that way towards other person.”
There I said it. After I kept it for so long. He couldn’t say anything. I still wanted to cry so badly but I did my best to calm myself. I opened the door for him. I just want him to leave me alone now.
“Leave, let’s stop.”
My tears are falling but my voice sounds firm.
I can be so fool for loving him, I can accept that he loves someone else but I couldn’t and will never accept that he was accusing me. It was too much, I feel like I’ve been given my all for years but nothing matters because he still accused and doubted on me. I feel like I am insulted and that there will be nothing left to me if I accept that.
He looked at me like he couldn’t believe what I just said. I’ve got strength to look back at him, feeling right even though it also feels like my heart is broken into pieces.
“Let’s stop this, Xavier. It’s tiring. I am tired,” I told him that shocked him more.
“Please leave,” I said with finality and looked away. He stayed there watching me for a while before he finally left without saying anything.
I bit my lower lip as I felt the too much pain in my heart. I’m not sure if my decision was right, it hurt so much thinking he can easily doubt me and my feelings for him. It hurt so badly to take him out of my life too.
I called my best friend and tell her what happened. She's in Macao so she can’t just came here but that's okay. I just want and needed someone who listens.
“I’m going home, Veronica Marchella. I can’t be calm here knowing you don’t feel okay there and you don’t have someone else to talk to,” she was convincing me since she knew about what happened.
It made me laugh a bit knowing he just couldn’t do that, she’s there to represent the company she’s working at. They were 3 there but still, if she left them so sudden she would end up getting fired.
“Fine, come home. And start finding a new job! I’m fine okay? I feel better after telling you about it,” I explained to her while still covering myself with the blanket. Sometimes I stare at the designs around my room’s wall, they were my designs.
She groaned in frustration, “You’re ex-boyfriend is just so damn, curse him! He haven’t done anything good, do you know that? How dare he accuse you for that when he’s the one who’s not clean? He’s the most stupid asshole person I know!” she said that with her usual pitch whenever she talks about Xavier. 
Hearing her talk about him somehow made me laugh even though I still feel the slight hurt in my heart.
I love Xavier so much. Because if I didn’t I would never settle for us with those years. But knowing he can easily think of me that way, hearing him accusing me that really made me sad. I feel like all those years we were together he never really put his attention to my feelings.
I never made him feel like I was doubting our relationship or him even though I know his true feelings. I just don’t want to pressure him, but still he failed to think or consider that.
Maybe he really thinks that I am a shallow person that’s why he can instantly accuse me. Even though he know how much I love him.
“Calm down, Gail Penelope. If you really don’t want to come home without a job,” I tried to lighted up her mood so she wouldn’t worry so much.
She the laughed as she heard me call her full name.
“I can’t believe you just call me that, Veronica Marchella!” we both laugh at what she said.
Our conversation didn’t last any longer when they needed to get ready for their next meeting. I decided to prepare for my dinner. It’s already 9:00 o’clock in the evening but I just got my appetite now.
I was in the middle of preparing when someone knocked, I was shocked to see him standing in front of my apartment’s house all of a sudden.
“Lucas,” I uttered. “Come in,” I let him in even though I didn’t know why he’s here.
“No need, I just came here to check on you. Are you okay?” he said that as he looked at me as if he was examining me.
I looked at him questioningly until I saw a small bruise on the side of his lips. I was about to ask him what happened then I realized that maybe Xavier did this to him!
“Shit, did Xavier do this?” I asked worriedly.
How could he do this? Lucas is out of this, why did he do this?
“Don’t mind me, I’m asking if you’re okay. Did he hurt you? Are you okay?” he asked me again instead of answering my question. I rolled my eyes on him and pulled him inside my apartment.
“You sit there! Don’t even try to complain,” I said seriously.
What is he thinking? Why did he have to do this to Lucas when he’s at fault! He’s so unbelievable and arrogant!
I get my medicine kit and go back to where Lucas is sitting.
“Did you two fight?” I asked as I start to cure his bruise.
“Ouch,” he complained as I purposely hurt him a bit.
“I’m asking you,” I said a bit irritated.
“We didn’t. He’s the only one who punched,” he said plainly.
I raised my eyebrows on him. What is he thinking? Why would he let Xavier punch him?
I didn’t smile at him that made his eyebrow shot up, is this guy crazy?