“We can’t broke up Vy, let’s fix this. Don’t you want that interview with the band and Samantha? Fine, I’ll try to request that to the management. I’ll distance myself to her, just, let’s not break up please? You know my father, he has his ways to know about us. Please Vy, let’s talk about this.”
I sighed. I owe a lot on his father but is it really bad to be selfish sometimes? Is is bad if I’ll choose to love myself now? Am I selfish for setting aside other things and choose myself first?
"I don't really mind about the two of you anymore, Xav. I need us to break up, I need myself now. I'm sorry, I’ll explain this to your father when he’s fully recovered,” I said in finality. His irritation suddenly showed to his face but that didn’t change my decision.
"Don't be selfish Veronica. You'll put my father's health in danger once you tell him we broke up,” he said firmly. “Is this because of Lucas? You two were geeting along well, is that why do you want us to break up? He’s manipulating you? What Veronica, tell me? Stop being selfish!”
I bit my lower lip to contain my temper but I couldn't hide my shock when he mention Lucas. He's blaming me again?
"Lucas is out of this Xavier. Stop bringing him up," I said irritated. Yes, I’ve been closed to Lucas the past week but we are not always together, most of the time, I get a chance to talk to him when I was waiting for him, aside from that, we just spend a little time together when Lucas accompanied me.
"If it's not him then stop being selfish!" He shouted out of anger.
I shook my head in disbelief, "If choosing myself means being selfish then fine! I’m selfish, because now I’m not going to choose you anymore!” I said with all my courage.
I didn’t wait for him to talk again, I turned my back on him and entered my apartment. I felt light, the heavy feeling that I've been having suddenly vanished. I'm hurt but this time it felt right.
I looked at my phone, it’s been ringing since we got home. It was Lucas, calling.
I don’t know why he is calling in the middle of the night but with those moments I had with him, he always tries his best to make me feel better, even though I choose not to tell him, he still managed to make me feel at peace. I just thought he’ll eventually hear it from Samantha.
I sighed and answer his call.
"Sorry for the sudden call. Are you sleeping already?” he asked in a deep voice.
“No, I was just doing some stuffs. I can’t answer your call.”
I breathe heavily and look at my window, I saw him standing in front of my apartment’s small gate.
"Wait for me there,” I said and ended the call.
Since it’s already dark, I can’t see his face clearly.
“I didn’t know you’re coming,” I said as I near him.
“I didn’t know I was coming her too, I didn’t get a chance ask you so I just called when I get here,” he said calmly.
I nodded at him, “Do you want to come in?” I invited him but he didn’t move.
“Why?” I asked a bit confused. I can see through his eyes that he is worried about something I didn’t know.
What is his problem?
“Can you come with me?” he asked suddenly.
I tilted my head while staring at him. Why do I feel like he's worried? Or something is bothering him?
"Okay," I agreed.
He gave me his extra helmet. I just wear it, he did too. I was shocked when he get off his big bike. He took off his jacket and put it on me. That’s when I realized that I was only wearing my usual silk night dress. Well, maybe we are not going somewhere far right? He didn’t asked me to change so this should me somewhere near here.
I was right, he just bring me on a seaside. I suddenly get worried about him, he seemed to be off tonight. He seems to have a problem and he needs someone to be with him right now.
We were both sitting quietly, watching the far city lights. Sometimes, I am trying to look at him for a while and just look away when he stares back. He looked at peace here so I didn’t bother talking.
Today I broke up with Xavier. I love him. I just realize when I saw Samantha kissed him that I'm like a witch on their fairytale. I felt like I was on their way, trying to stop them. Trying hard to make him mine but the truth is, I couldn't. And I've been so selfish, that I've been so stupid in letting myself fall in love with someone who is not yet finished loving someone else.
I looked again at the man beside me, he was staring at me already.
He seemed quite serious compared before, but he looks at peace here now. Maybe this is what we only need, not the things we desire to have but the warmth that the cold night and the quite place with a person you merely know you but understands that you're getting through something and respects your silence.
Sometimes, we only need enough space for our selves, enough love and enough understanding for ourselves. Because at the end, it is not about the things that we posses and the person we desire to love, but the little chance you gave yourself. A chance to save yourself and choose yourself after a long tiring fight.
I broke up with Xavier and it hurt me. It hurts admitting to myself that I'm so wrong for letting myself indulge my feelings too much. But now, I also managed to let him go. I managed to finally free myself from a selfish love. 
 
I should have control myself, I shouldn’t let myself. Now I just feel like I’m drowning and it’s so hard to get up.
I should have known that this wouldn't do anything good in me. I should have known that choosing what my heart desires didn't do anything good at all. It somehow made me happy but then, it hurt me more than I deserve.
"You don't have to look at me like that, Veronica." He said after a while.
I looked away, I don’t want him to think of anything. I mean, I don’t want him to misunderstand. He looks exhausted, I feel like he had some problems.
"What's bothering you?" I asked. Secretly pinching myself for not being able to stop asking him.
He looked at me and smiled a little though it is obvious that he is faking it. I glanced at the beautiful sea in front of us as I've decided to tell him about me and Xavier so it would be easy for him to open up with me.
"You know, I broke up with Xavier," I bit my lower lip as I heard him sigh.
"Did he hurt you?" he asked with a deep voice.
I didn't bother to look at him since I don't want him to know that I'm about to cry. I don’t know why I suddenly feel like crying when I’m all fine a while ago. I was damn sad but I do not feel the need to shed a tear a after we broke up, now I’m here, trying to hold back my tears in front of Lucas.
"Did he hurt me? Well he did," I chuckled.
I saw he shifted his weight and sit properly to see me, as if waiting for me to continue talking about what happened earlier.
I really don’t know what it is that he has, that every time he’s around me I felt heard. It makes me feel better knowing he was here, ready to listen.
"But I hurt myself more. Actually maybe the truth is he never really hurt me. I was the one who hurt myself, I knew from the start that he doesn’t love me but I choose to continue. I risked myself,” I said as I wipe my tears. Hoping Lucas won’t see it.
"You really love him that much," he said looking away.
“I do, because if not I won’t be here. If I don’t love Xavier that much it wouldn’t hurt that much too.”