"Let's talk," he said softly. He guided me to the sofa he's sitting earlier. And I suddenly felt the pang of sadness in my chest. Everything's in chaos. It's hard to understand and process everything all at once. And Lucas, he keeps on making me wonder. One moment he's okay with me and then the next second he's not. He's acting really confusing. Sometimes I feel like he doesn't want to be here with me but then, he also shows that he want to.
I couldn't figure out if we're okay or not. I'm going crazy.
I played with my fingers to avoid thinking too much. I don't want to look at him because for sure, I'd be emotional.
"What's bothering you?" he asked. I looked at him and breathe heavily.
"A lost," I admitted. My voice sounds weak. I looked away and played with my fingers again. I can't stand looking at him because I'm feeling something in my heart. Something that dug deep within me.
And then all the questions I have in myself suddenly wants to come out but I feel scared. There are things that I have in my mind but I don't want to confirm it. I don't know what to feel or if it's even right to feel that way.
"You can ask anything, Vy." he asked and closed the gap between us. He kissed me softly on the side of my head. It feels so soft it made me close my eyes. A pinch of pain rose in my chest as we stayed like that.
"Do I have to ask?" I said out of my mind. Even if he said that I could ask questions to him, I don't have the courage to do so. 
"I want to know what's in your mind," he said and continued to give soft kisses on the side of my head. His other hand found my hand too while the other one is busy fixing my hair.
"Are you mad at me?" I asked quietly. The pain that I have in my chest felt intense. Thinking that he's mad at me hurts me this bad already.
"I'm not. I am not mad at you, come on. Look at me," he said convincingly.
I didn't look at him though. I don't want to show him that I'm getting emotional.
"Why are you avoiding me then? Why do you look so mad? Why do you act like that to me?" I asked continuously and bit my lower lip when I heard my own frustration.
"I'm giving you space," he sighed and whispered. I could feel his lips slightly touching my ear because of how close we are.
Space? Why? For what? Did I asked for that? 
He breathe heavily, with our distance I could feel his warmth and it tickled me. Fuck. 
I want to know why he thinks I needed space.
"Can you look at me now?" he pleaded.
I didn't move for a while before I decided to finally look at him. He sat properly and faced me. He's still close but our distance is enough for us to not kiss.
He whispers curses on himself and I don't understand why but I didn't say a thing. I waited for him. 
"I don't want you to be confused of your feelings," he said while looking at my eyes directly.
I couldn't say anything, I didn't move either. What does that mean?
"I asked you if you still like Xavier and you said yes that's why I left. I distanced myself because if you still like him then there's a possibility that you'll get confused when I'm around. I don't want to distract you or cause any confusion in you, even if it means I won't be able to see you or talk to you. Even if I badly wanted to be with you."
I felt my heart beating faster to the point that I barely hear anything than it. 
"I was mad that's why I left but I wasn't mad at you. I'm mad at Xavier and I couldn't stand seeing him unless I could punch him. I hate that he couldn't see what I've seen in you. I left because you like him, I don't want to get in the way if you still had feelings for him. I tried keeping my distance, I tried not to care but I couldn't." he stopped and sighed. He looked really problematic and frustrated. "I couldn't just let you face this alone. And I'm so mad he's causing you all of this. You don't deserve this. That's why even I already told myself that I won't get in the way, I'm here. I want to take you away from him, away from all if this. But I still couldn't forget the fact that yoh still like him," he looked away and smiled unknowingly. When he looked at me again, his eyes looks sad and lost. 
The mixture of emotions I have right now is getting more frustrating. I'm overwhelmed. He stayed away from me because I told him that I still liked Xavier. He stayed away because he doesn't want me confused of my own feelings but then, I still feel that way. 
Everything is confusing. I keep on saying that I somehow still likes Xavier but then, I'm so bothered by Lucas. I couldn't just ignore what I feel towards him. 
"I wanted so bad to take you away from him but I can't do that if you love him," he whispered again.
I bit my lower lip as I allowed myself to look at him directly. My heart hurt with all that he said. I wanted to tell him it wasn't like that. That my feelings for Xavier is actually different from how it was before. That it's more of an attachment and sacredness of finally leaving it behind. 
I want to tell him that I'm starting to catch feelings for him. Way different from what I felt before with Xavier. But I couldn't get myself to tell him. Because I'm not sure if it's right to feel this way. I'm not sure if it's right to like him while the strings I have with Xavier isn't fully cut off yet. 
"I want to ask for my chance but I don't want to make it hard for you, so I'll stay where I stand. I'll be your friend, I will just take my place as your family even if I wanted to make you really mine."
He looked away and chuckled, maybe trying to lift up the mood. I didn't say anything, I just look at him while he was trying to calm himself.
I do understand what he said but I don't really get it. I wanted to tell him about my feelings but I can't, I haven't figure it out yet. I wanted so bad to let him know what's on my mind but I don't have the courage to say it. I'm still scared. I'm not sure if this is right. I don't want to confuse him just because I am, that would be mess. It might hurt us both.
"Come on, I'll bring you to your room."