When I heard the front door slam shut, I knew he went with her. What else did I expect, I made him go with her. This time it's my fault not him. But I still expected that he would not go. I don't know why I still expected that he wouldn't go, so to speak I threw him out. And repeatedly told him to go. How can I please expect him to stay at home despite my "order". I should have just been and spent time with him.
That would be the best and most beautiful thing for me. But because of my stubbornness, I can't just call him now and tell him to come back. Even if it were an option, I wouldn't do it. I think I'd be way too proud for that and he'd rub it under my nose all the time. So the best thing is for him to have fun Jack and laugh with her and I'll just wait until he comes back home to cuddle with him again, unless I'm unlucky and he's sleeping at his house tonight.
I went downstairs to make sure he wasn't home. And when I was sure enough, I got a pack of chocolate ice cream and started eating ice cream while watching a sad movie kiss & cry and started crying. I always watched the film when I needed a reason to cry and every time I cried like a waterfall. Why am I watching the film? So when Nathan asks me why I'm crying, I can say it's because of the movie. And that's not a lie, it's partly because of the film.
But also because of him, but he doesn't know that, he won't know either. I sat down and started watching the movie while eating my ice cream. And as expected, I started crying. I don't actually know why I was crying, apparently I needed to because I was crying non-stop like a catastrophe. "Why does she have to die, she deserves it the least," I started talking to myself. And that means I'm screwed, I mean I would never start talking to myself unless I was down. what I seem to be.
"I love him..." I whispered and threw my pillow against a photo of Nathan and me. "You fucking bastard I hate you!!" I yelled at Nathan hoping he would hear me and come to me. But of course that's not the case. "Who do you have?" I heard a voice and turned around. But it wasn't Nathan, the voice was too high for that. It was April who immediately came up to me and hugged me. She saw that I was crying and she understood who I hated, she understood everything.
"What's up Les? What's up with that ass?" she asked me and I was sobbing trying to explain to her what happened. But after the words Kaitlin and Nathan I broke down again. April had understood that there was no point in getting me to talk now, because I was about to start crying like crazy again. It's already happened. When I calmed down, I pulled away from her and she looked at me expectantly. "So baby what's up?" April asked me and I started talking.
"S-she came to us and wanted to do something with a-us, more with him, but he wanted me to come with him. A-and then she bitched around and I didn't want to go anymore. T-then I told him e -he's supposed to go and he really did," I told him and started crying again. I know it's stupid to cry about something like that, but since I got my period today, I'm just a tad more emotional. "Then why did you tell him to go? Why are you surprised he left?" she asked me.
And she was right, why am I wondering. "W-because I was hoping he wouldn't go," I explained to her and she nodded in confusion. "Then call him and ask him to come back," she suggested, but I shook my head, crying. "That's not possible, he'll probably think the wrong thing about me," I explained to him and she laughed lightly to herself. "Don't laugh!" I yelled and she started crying louder. "Man April, I'm not funny!" I told her, throwing a pillow at her. "Oke oke chill" was all she answered and tried to stop laughing.
"I'm going to sleep, that ass can take it," I decided and went upstairs without waiting for an answer from her. In my room, I immediately lay down on my bed and fell asleep with tears in my eyes. I slept very restlessly, if you can call it sleeping. Because I woke up more times and had nightmares. In the middle of the night I felt two arms around me and I knew it was Nathan and I was able to sleep soundly. As if I needed it to fall asleep, because after that I slept peacefully the whole night.