Feelings they say can be unpredictable. It can be tricky too, making you feel uncertain about positive things in life. At some time, you might wonder why you kept having this feeling... Especially when you least expected it. It can be a nightmare sometimes, getting you to roll over the bed at night. Making your heartbeat only at the sight of that person.
That was the case with Andrew. He became attracted to Caleb at the time, he requested they talk together. Andrew was feeling lonely then since her mum was going out with another man, and they would soon get married. And then boom, the vibes, talking, the smile he shared with Caleb turned to a forbidden feeling for him.
'Same-sex attraction itself is not bad, as long as you never gave in to homosexual acts and only controlled your feelings,' That was the phenomenon Andrew followed when he realized his feelings for the same sex. But one thing he never realized was that he kept sinking in, and became deeply attracted to Caleb.
"I knew something was going on within your mind. Somehow, I felt you have figured this out a long time. Don't talk, just follow me," Andrew walked out, as they both left the house.
Andrew began walking towards the tree opposite his house, where it will provide shade for them, as well as grasses to sit on.
"Wait. Why did we come outside? We could just talk about it inside or outside the house." Rachael lamented.
"It seems you only know a few things about me, Rachael. I have a sneaky stepfather, who might have planted bugs in that house. It is only my study room and bedroom that have an anti-bug. You will get to know about that later,"

Rachael finally quietened, realizing the importance of Andrew's words. Maybe, it will be right to just talk about it without his stepdad knowing. But was that the reason?
Andrew brought out a piece of cloth he had put in his pocket, while they were coming as he unwrapped it, spreading it on the grass. They settled down, opposite each other.
"Why did you ask that question earlier," Andrew probed as it was now Rachael's turn to become quiet and slightly.

Maybe she needs to stop meddling with some things. She still has some things to deal with especially with her father. Recalling that only makes her more angry and down.
"It is okay. I have always suspected you knew something since the time Joy said she would no longer develop feelings for the opposite sex. I saw the way you looked suspiciously at me. And then today, you saw me with Caleb, talking. Am I right?"
Rachael felt shocked for a while. All Andrew's words are true. It seems she was not the only one that observe. He is the best.
"I am sorry if you felt I went overboard. I was just looking out for you. To me, feelings themselves are not bad, as long as self-control is involved," Rachael stated.
"Rachael, it is true I am attracted to the same sex. I have been attracted to Caleb since the second semester of 11th grade till now. Please, don't call it love, because it is just a teen feeling, and I kept zoning in and out of it. But today made me realize why I had to quicken in getting rid of it," Rachael noticed the hurt in Andrew's eyes, at his last words.
"You and Caleb? Something went off?" Rachael probed.
"I never realized I would be in this shit of feeling. At that time, I only wanted to get off the fact that my mum will be marrying someone else who I never like. And when Caleb came in, I felt counseling him will do the magic to the loneliness I felt within. As time progresses, I began noticing his handsome physical features, his smiles, his walking...And that was when I realized I finally had that WEIRD FEELING.
But yet, I was stupid and believed I was helping him change, at the expense of my growing feelings for me. I hid it almost perfectly well, suffering in silence since I never wished such feelings should be reciprocated," Andrew sighed as tears slipped his eyes.
Rachael could not help it as she was also becoming emotional too.
"I knew I was putting in a big sacrifice, as the more I talked to him, the more I felt burdensome with my feelings for him. It was an unexpected feeling. I felt he would change, and was ready to provide all my time, energy, and words to comfort him when the need arises. But I guess I was imagining too," He cleaned his face which was slightly wet with tears.
He was happy Rachael gave her a listening ear and he appreciated it.
"And then, I caught him in the act again. He went back to his old ways. I guess his friends influenced him again. It was a mixture of pain, anger, irritation, jealousy for me. I felt heavy at heart and somehow wished I never wasted those months on him.
He apologized, and I felt maybe he could still change for the better. Unknown that he had already made his own decision. He was going back to his old ways again. All the months we spent talking felt like a waste of time. I guess I couldn't change him. I failed and became saddened," Andrew bow, letting more tears flow out.
Rachael was quite in shock for a while. She never expected someone like Andrew has a lot on his plate. He went through a lot, from feelings of loneliness to same-sex attraction, sadness, and betrayal after putting on a huge sacrifice.
"You never failed. I always thought I had the most problems, but yours makes me realize we all have what we are going through in our life. Sometimes, the person with the brightest smile can be the one with the most problems.
Remember you never failed. You tried your best in helping Caleb. It was his fault he never realized the sacrifice you made for him. As time goes by, he will know the importance of all your words. Hopefully, by then, it would not have been late.
You do not have to feel bad about it. I admire the fact that you chose to have self-control over the same-sex attraction you had. You have shown clearly that feelings can be tamed instead of giving in to them," Rachael acknowledged, thumping him, as he smiled.
"It was good talking about it. The two books you held were my life experience from childhood to this moment. I am happy within myself that I am finally having the courage to get rid of my feelings finally. It is a huge step, and I hope I will succeed." Rachael smiled at Andrew's words.
"I am sure you will. I guess this life has problems that either make or mar us. The best thing is to continue to be strong, facing each difficulty with a good mind. Knowing fully well, it is only for a short period,"
"You are right. As my life progressed, I had learned a lot, and realized the importance of facing one's life squarely, no matter what life throws at one," Andrew finally smiled.
Rachael felt a little question in her mind as she thought it would be best to ask.
"I am just wondering. Would you like to tell others about this?" Andrew simply smiled, as he looked up.
"Here they come. They knew already. I sent a text blast to them while we are about to get out of the house,"
Rachael felt shocked for a while but was relieved knowing Andrew trusted them with his secret. Kevin walked, as Joy started running with her big body as she neared Andrew. She hugged him tightly, as Andrew almost fell out of his air.
"Joy, you are killing me?" Joy finally really released him from his grip.
"Is that how to give a comforting hug. You almost squeezed the life out of me. Unfortunately, I am not ready to die yet," They all laughed, except Joy who slapped Andrew slightly as she sat beside him, while Rachael sat beside Kevin.
"Hey, don't take it personally. I was just joking, okay," Noticing the little change in her facial expressions, he apologized.
"You are forgiven, don't sin again," Raising her head, she warned, as they all laughed again.
Rachael finally realized the value of friendship, one they had. Sometimes filled with fights, laughter, smiles, breaks, heartaches, but the most important thing is that they always have each other's back, ready to soothe each other, at the right time.
"Yes ma'am. Thanks for having me in mind," Andrew commented as Joy rolled her eyes.
"You wish. I never thought about you even for a second," Joy blew a raspberry, as they laughed again.
"Hope you are okay bro," Kevin finally talked.
"Yes, I am. All thanks to you guys, I feel relieved a lot, ready to dance to the tune of my music," Andrew smiled.
"Andrew is a strong guy. But I have a few questions, and I hope it won't upset the apple cart," Joy put in.
"Sure, shoot," Andrew gave her a go-ahead, but Rachael knew Joy would probably ask the lamest question.
"Wouldn't it be better to accept yourself and be gay? What if your same-sex attraction persists, will you give in to your feelings or still control them? What if the feelings never stop?" Silence enveloped them again with Joy's questions