I have been in this game forever, I have been waking up and I have been trying to focus, to be more productive, when as you wake up all you think of is school, am I doing enough, questions arise and have I given enough, a realm of questioning I rather not go into.  Sadly, too many thoughts are in my head, sadly too many things don’t match up, sadly I try but I fail to dispel the change of emotions that comes with my foul thoughts.  One morning I wake up thankful and the other I wake up in a void of emotions, I know not which to pick. Its Friday and I have been the top five for around two weeks and I have nothing more than my phone and mp3 to calm me done from my thoughts, sometimes negativity kills me, reduces me to nothing and destroys my morale but the worst thing is I just did not know or believe that I would start to hate my goals, I started to call my own motive too far, I started to deem it out of my reach I needed help in a way but I was lying to myself that I was fine, so the day came, the day that I was to answer the question in front of everyone, in front of me myself, the day I was supposed to be true to myself and to my own ideals as a man, but it was this day I fell and decided to rise vaguely and use the helpers as a stone to get up, I knew not where I was going but I just wanted to be somewhere not where I was, I wanted to be a step closer to achieving my goals I wanted to work, I wanted to put in the work and I cared not who got hurt, I cared not who got stepped on or whom I used I in order words became the user and this is how it all went. After the talk I had with them, I lied to them and I said it was all curiosity but that was my lie, I knew it so out of anger that I lied I decided to prove I cannot lie, or rather I wasn’t lying out of disbelief but I was lying because I wanted them to nothing of my plans for the future. Amil had a laptop and so did Konna, I was indeed hard to get a laptop at my house because there must be a reason, a reason I need one and I am very sure there is no excuse like.  “I need one to be a better accountant.” That won’t be a reason to have a high-end laptop, that will be an obvious lie.  I decided at the moment that I will have to have people help me but not in the way of coaching I will be using their tools. Amil was my target, he was a simple guy, amil is the cutest guy in the group, he had soft hair even though it was not so much like an afro or so much like a very full hair, he had brown eyes and he had a charming smile, he had a medium sized nose and he was brown in complexion, on a literal sense, he glows in yellow light, there was a time we tested this oil that Konna brought, it was a product his sister was working on at the time so he wanted us to be first to test it from his end, we all robbed the oil on our faces and indeed it felt nice on the skin and made all of us glow naturally but amil was kind of different, he glowed more and we brought him inside and turned on the light and he glowed even more than before, we took pictures of him that day under the light and since then its been etched in my head that he glowed under yellow light. on that day, amil said he would edit the picture and on that day, I discovered Monna had two cameras, one for taking polaroid and the other with a digital storage, she could transfer this digital storage to a laptop and view it there. I borrowed Amils laptop because he was easy to talk to than Konna, Konna is cool but you need to have a good reason for why you want to use his stuff or he wont let you have it and that’s the simplicity of everything with him. On Monday I decided to approach Amil and I did approach him, clearing all the thoughts in my mind, I deemed my reason to, I was only borrowing from him so I wouldn’t feel bad. Amil was free with everyone and he was the one who welcomed me the most out of everyone, he wasn’t hard to talk to. “Hey amil can I ask you for something very important.” I said to him in his space of the room. “oh, sure you can ask me for anything.” He said, but he was still in the room, I didn’t want to make it seem weird so I just said all I wanted in the room, my base plan was to carry him outside and talk to him about everything but that will draw too much attentions so I toned down my voice and spoke to him. “Amil, I actually need your help for something and I need you to promise me you would help me.” I said to him, here I repeated the question because I was having second thoughts and I wanted him to not reject me so I added charm out of desperate measures. “No problem, just tell me the thing and we can work about something at least. He said, now showing signs of worry and that was what I wanted. So, I held his hand and I looked him in the eyes and then requested. “Amil, please can I use your laptop from time to time, I really want you to help me with it, don’t worry I know how laptops work I won’t damage it.” I said, putting on a sad expression and holding his hands. “oh, is that it, sure I wouldn’t mind, you can have it but I hope you truly know how to use it.” He answered jokingly and I laughed and reassured him. “Oh, so what do you want to use it for actually I could be of help.” He said. Now I was freaking out a little but I was not going to tell anyone my plan so I lied or rather concealed my motive. “That’s a secret amil, I am sorry.” I said. “Alright then, I will respect that.” He said as he handed his laptop over to me. I had all I wanted at that moment and I was ready to chase down my ideology to flourishing but I did not know exactly what I was to do with the laptop, I first browsed through and as I did, I found the software I had always heard about, the software I have been searching for this software my mentor described for me and now I have finally found it, photoshop by adobe.  I clicked on it and I at first got excited and that was all, I knew nothing in that place, I did not know the next thing to do or the next thing I would click, I was only staring, I knew I had to do my research so I brought out my phone and I then started to search for tutorials. In the building we have access to gadgets but we are not allowed to bring them to school, you know what, truthfully speaking we have no agreement with the principal on this but he hasn’t told us not to so we assume its okay. As I sat outside with his laptop I took a break and I searched for tutorials, I connected my phone to his laptop and I downloaded some images and I followed instructions, I slowly started to tweak everything and it made sense, it all started to all make too much sense, I was happy, I got to learn about a lot of things that day, I got to learn how to tweak the pictures and before you know it, it was time to go home, we had classes but I didn’t even pay much attention to the classes, I was always running back to our building when I know I had free time, for example, we are all art and commercial students except from Xavier.  He is a science student, but these 4 picked one science subject, science subject to at least know about, incase of anything, it is called the backdoor plan. I chose nothing, I was studying, Economics, bookkeeping, math, English, literature and government. I had no other option than this one so I just kept on going with them. Since I offered six and they offered 7 I had spare time to do anything I wanted to do but the bell rang so there was nothing I could do. Now the first day was normal, I mean I finally went home, I was so excited and fulfilled I literally thanked amil after the closing assembly and headed home, out of the happiness that I am a step closer to my goal, this is where the game literally started, this is when it all began. Every time since then I would always be close to him, I was more or less not even thinking of how he felt, I just kept on getting close to him and I was always trying to please him so when I try to borrow his laptop, he would want to give me, unknowing to me Xavier sometimes uses his laptop but I didn’t let that happen, I was always with it and though some people started to find it weird I still did not care.  After learning a lot about tweaking pictures I wanted to now be able to take beautiful pictures that I would edit, funny right. Not knowing I needed to do mockups, I needed to embed information on photos, I needed it to make sense, not knowing I needed to come up with nonexistent brands on my own and create a whole portfolio as if it were real.   Now I would need the attention of the person I really did not get along with, now Konna always borrowed her camera but it was the polaroid, so the plan was to convince Konna to get his hands on the camera, the digital camera but I had to plan everything again, I had to plan it all properly or I would fall into the trap of the wise Konna, with Konna I had to really put my head to work or I would more or less fail to get what I wanted so I started by getting close to him by asking him of his passion and acting dumb so he had to explain things, at the moment I and Amil were close, well in his mind though, in mine it was not much, it was all just a play thing in order to use his laptop but he already labeled me his new friend or new close friend, every time we were going home I would sit close to him and for every event we had I would sit with him on our way there at some point he even borrowed me the laptop home and I was so happy but now I had a new goal, I had to get a camera and I had to talk to someone I really don’t know how to talk to and then I still needed to pretend with Konna, I was in a game and indeed it had levels, I wasn’t easily discouraged and at this point all the guilt I felt had gone out the window and now all I felt was will, will to trick people this was my intention to get my priorities set. Game level: easy.  proceeding to intermediate level.