I'M still sleepy when I get up from bed. We arrived late last night because Shaine had a lot of fun being in the party. I can't force her to go home, even at already twelve in the morning. We came home at dawn, my eyes almost closed while driving on the dark streets. All thanks to me. We arrived home safe.
I can hardly keep my eyes open. Thanks to the alarm clock in the side table for creating such a noisy sound that forced me to get up. Keep doing the good job, pal.
“My late appreciation for sending me home last night,” Shaine said as we are now on our way to school. Because it's still early, and I have nothing important to do, I decided to fetch her.
“You're welcome, alcoholic woman,” I chuckled as I turned left.
“Well, if I'm good at drinking, then you are best in the steering wheel.” She threw her glance on the road before us as her face lighted up. “Why don't you over speed right now? You know, so we can enjoy riding on this car.”
“You must be out of your mind.”
Over speed like what? That is really crazy to think of. I'm not a racer, bitch. I just drive, but I'm not that good at driving.
“Oh, looks like you have a new message,” Shaine said when we both hear the vibration of my phone.
“Just leave it there,” I replied, ignoring my phone's vibration. I can check it after parking my car or later when we are already inside the campus.
“No. I'm gonna read it. Who knows it's important, right?” Shaine insisted as she looked for my phone. Oh, I swear, this bitch is—
“Inside my bag,” I said, pointing it using my lips. She happily opened my bag like an excited kid.
“Too many zippers, huh? Well, here we go. Let's check what message you have there, Ari.” Shaine did a swiping gesture as she opened the message.
“And?”
“Girl!” She slapped me on the arm as she pointed to the message.
“What?”
“Look at this!” She threw a teasing look as she passed the phone to me. I immediately read the message while one hand remained holding on the steering wheel.
Hi, good morning, Ari. I hope you're doing good right now. I can't wait to see your beautiful face again.
I read the text on my screen as I only look at it with boredom. The number is unregistered and the sender didn't introduce his/her name as well. It's boring to read a message from a stranger. I can't feel any excitement to reply.
Why am I not surprised? Well, this is not the first time that I received a message from an unknown person. And the usual response in my head is to ignore it.
“And what's so good in that message?” I didn't even smile when I read it. Knowing that there is an anonymous person sending me a message doesn't make me happy. It's making me annoyed instead.
“Someone sent you a message anonymously. Isn't that exciting? I mean, you might have a secret admirer!” She giggled like she was more excited than me. Oh, my friend.
“Don't trust words, Shaine. It might be sweet, yes. But only at the beginning. You can't tell exactly if a person is serious on you when your basis is only the words. It might be sugar coated with lies.” Seriousness crept on my voice like it has a profound meaning to me. Don't mind me, for I'm just making dramas.
“Wow! Are you really an expert, Ari? I'm just telling you that maybe you have a secret admirer, and now you're talking stuffs like this one. Don't take it seriously,” she chuckled, shaking her head.
“You know I take things serious.” I focused my eyes on the road before us as she kept on talking.
“Since when? Since Marga returned?” she asked, returning my phone inside the bag. I swear, Shaine's not good at asking. Look how bad her timing is! I'm still sleepy, and I can't even drive properly, though I'm doing my best. Mentioning that name will definitely kill my mood.
Silence ensued as I only look on the road before us.
“Sorry, my fault.” She then showed a peace sign as the middle of her hand formed the “V” shape.
Annoyance just ate almost my entire system after receiving another message after lunch break. Even when I'm in the middle of reading my notes, the message won't stop from pouring, filling my notifications.
The thought of someone always texting you when you're trying to do something important is a big distraction. I'm reviewing my notes in science for a long quiz tomorrow. How can I focus studying when every time I open my phone to search something about our lesson, I always received a message?
“Who could be this stupid person on earth, Shaine?” I put my notebook down as I turned to her, who is now busy combing her hair.
“I don't know. Why not ask for a meet up? Tell the sender, so you won't ask me any more.” she replied without giving me an eye.
“Really, Shaine? What if I break your comb now?” My voice sounded like a threat, but it's not actually like that.
“Oh, scary!” she chortled. I shot her a wide-eyed look, enough to make her behave. “Fine. I'm sorry for the joke.”
“So?”
“Well—” She cut her sentence when my phone vibrated consecutively.
“When I think about you, I end up having a great grin on my face.”
“My crush on you grows every single day.”
“You stole my heart a long time ago, and I never want you to give it back.”
* 3 new messages from 0930******7
What the hell!
“Those are nothing but the usual quotes from Google. Anyone can just copy and paste it. Why would I even feel deep for that?” I turned off my phone to stop hearing the vibrations.
“Duh! Not everyone is as lucky as you to have someone who is secretly crushing on you. Just imagine a guy loving you, isn't it good to hear? I mean, you love a guy out there, but he's not even into you. This is your only chance to finally experienced your feelings being reciprocated.”
“Just because you are told sweet words doesn't mean you have to fell for it. We don't even know who is this person texting me. He could be the secret admirer you kept on pinning, or just a random person who wants to make fun of me.” And that's what I hated the most— being ghosted for real. I'm already hurting… I can't be hurt anymore.
“Well, all I'm saying was that there is nothing better than when your crush has a crush on you, too. But if it's not the secret admirer, then sorry for the words.”
That night, after a long annoying day, I decided to block the number of my mystery texter to stop receiving any messages from that person. I felt so satisfied after tapping the block option on my screen. Finally, I got to rest from the annoyance. I realize I should have done it earlier than now.
“Sweetie, don't forget to drink your milk before you go to bed, alright?” mom said, reminding me for the nth time. Such a caring mother, aren't she?
“Yes, mom,” I responded, kissing her lips. It tastes just like a sweet honey who reminds me of how caring and loving my mom is. Guys, please envy me, even just for today. I'm begging.
Crazy me!
“And one more thing…” She halted when she's about to leave my room. “…don't spend too much of your time in internet.”
I nodded my head. “Got it!”
Well, I'm not really browsing the internet right now. I'm checking my phone to see if I already successfully blocked the number of my mystery texter. Just to be fully sure you know. Ignoring all the messages I received is already enough, but I'm not that satisfied, that's why I have to block his number.
Then all of a sudden, I shifted my gaze above, staring blankly at the white ceiling.
I'm no stranger to pain any more ever since that I day I promised to love Shan without him knowing it. But it's still painful until now. I didn't get used to its presence visiting me every night I go to bed. The feeling's still new, like I just love him two days ago.
Until now—whether you doubt this or not—I'm still holding to a very little piece of anticipation that he's gonna love me back.
Really, Ari? How many times do you have to wake yourself up to reality? The reality that he's not yours. The painful face of reality that you are just a special friend to him. Sad but that's the truth you have to teach yourself.