After all the pain and sufferings brought by wrong love, I finally decided to stop and start looking for my worth. It has been weeks since I last talk to Shan. He said he can't reciprocate my feelings and that is indeed painful. I was shattered into pieces and was too broken. There I was able to confess my long time feelings for him in the school rooftop, release my pain... until I burst into tears. Our conversation didn't end well because I left him there. But before I walked away, we promised each other to fix our friendship.
But that pain was converted into realizations when Marga requested me to meet her on the coffee shop. We had a girl to girl talk. I was able to know her real personality and that is not what I think she is. At that moment, I felt so guilty for hating her and promised myself not to force things out again. I asked for a sincere apology for tolerating my feelings though I'm already aware that Shan's in a relationship. I disrespected her and I just realized that when we got the chance to talk.
The pain leaded to more realizations until I was finally healed. I admit that the process of healing and moving on from a heartbreak is difficult. Of course because you're dealing with the inevitable. When you love there is always pain.
I'm beyond thankful that I managed to cope with the help of my dear friends, Raven and Shaine. They contributed a great part in my happiness. I doubt I'd ever feel contented and happy like this if they didn't happen to be my friends. I just realized that some things are bound to happen to give you a lesson and to wake you up from reality that in this world... you can't get what you dream for if not's meant for you.
My love for Shan gave me many lessons in life. There is pain but the learnings aced. I said to myself before that it's only him for the rest of my life. And I became stubborn because of that promise. I was like devoted to him to the point that I ignored and rejected all my suitors. My love for other guys turns to hate as I can only see Shan as the ideal man for me. He was the dream before that I was willing to chase. I got crazy to the point that his happiness makes me hurt. When he said he still love Marga, I was hurting. I should be happy for him but I got mad and jealous instead.
But among all my suitors that I rejected before, only Raven stand out. He's extraordinary and made me feel so special. He gave me everything that no one else has given to me before. I kept on pushing him away and I became mean to him but he never get tired of loving me though there's no guarantee that I'm gonna love him back. He insisted to stay without asking for any return. All in all, he's the real dream. I realized that I was drag by destiny to love Shan to find my way back to Raven. Because when he's in the midst of reminding me that I don't have to beg for attention, little did I know that I was already falling for him.
It was a roller coaster ride of emotions. The pain blows my mind, I lost my way to the point that I don't know what I was doing anymore. My decision were not good but I kept on believing that it's the best thing. Love caused so much pain on me. It shattered me into thousand of pieces, made me to question my worth. I became harsh to myself. All of that was because of love.
But aside from the pain, love also gave me the most significant lesson in life. And that is ACCEPTANCE. Learn to accept, move on, go forward, live a life.
I'm opening another chapter in my life and hopefully looking forward to more positivity and fun. My heart is filled with happiness right now. There is no pain anymore. All I can feel in my chest is satisfaction. I felt so special and loved. And that sweetie is because of my suitor— Raven. Thank you billion times for staying up.
“I hope you're doing fine now, Ari. First of all I'm so sorry for causing so much pain on you. I just want you to know that I didn't mean to hurt your feelings and that will never be my intention.” I smiled at Shan after he said those. We're now at the school rooftop after he requested me to meet him here. I'm just glad that I'm not here to confess anymore. We're here to set things right and trying to bring back our friendship.
It has been weeks actually since the last time we talk to each other. And that honestly didn't end well. We're here once again to fix the mess that we left behind. I hope this is the new chapter of our frienship. No more pain, please. Just love.
“You don't have to, Shan. I perfectly understand you. Besides you never failed to love me as your friend and I appreciate you a lot for being true to yourself. You have nothing to worry... I'm fully healed now.”
The wind is swaying my hair and it feels like I'm riding in a swing. It ease my mind, making the smile in my lips. The views around became a good scenery who feeds my soul with pure satisfaction. This is all I wish for— to appreciate the things around me without questioning and doubting if it is indeed good for me. I miss being good to myself, I was mean to Arianna these past few days actually.
“So I guess this is the new beginning of our friendship?” I nodded my head as response. He gave me a tight hug and kissed my hair. “I miss you so much, Ari. Please don't go away... I can't lose a friend. A very special best friend.”
I can't help but to smile. This is all I want to hear from him. His love for me as his friend is the sweetest word. Sweet but not sugar coated. Genuine but not filtered. What I love about Shan those days I started avoiding his presence was that he never became a stranger to me. He always reach out to me and ask what's the problem. He never returned the hate I gave to him.
“I miss you too.” My heart is melting right now until I didn't notice the tears coming out from my eyes. That was tears of joy. I'm so happy to be back from the old Ari that he used to know. The old Ari who dearly loves him as my friend. It's nice to be back from the old but great you. Thanks for the pain who leads me to a lot of realizations.
“Stop crying. It's not good for girls to cry...” He wiped my tears away using his palm. Oh my— He's still the guy I used to know. Shan never changed.
“Welcome back!” I giggled, trying to be jolly to ease myself. He's right. I shouldn't cry because we're back to being friends now. I can sleep without heavy thoughts in my mind. My life will be peaceful because we already set things right.
“What a cute girl.” He pinched my nose and cling on my arm. Oh how I miss this closeness of ours. Our close distance made me smell the fragrance of his perfume.
“I love your scent. You're up for a date, I guess?” He nodded his head as response to my question. “I knew it. Good luck, Shan. Be the best man for Marga.” There's no need for me to remind him because he exactly know how to be a responsible boyfriend. But I just want to say it, any problem?
“I will. She's the reason why I'm trying to be the best. I want to be enough for her.” Then he smiled at me. “She's the dream, Ari. I hope you'll find the dream of your life too.”
Well, it's not a need for me to search anymore. I already find him and he's in New York right now. Raven is the dream... the purest dream.
And my phone rang in the middle of our conversation. Raven's calling. I excused myself and walked downstairs to take his call.
“Hello?” I started. Oh, shit. I'm excited to hear his voice.
“Hi, Ari! How you doin'? I miss you so much, beautiful!” He is always energetic should it be in call or in personal.
“I'm doing great, man. How about you? How's life there in New York?” I asked. I have been waiting for his call to ask him how he's doing. But aside from that, I'm really excited to hear his voice even just in the phone.
“It's nice and full of fun, Ari. It has been years since the last time I bond with my cousins. We're treasuring the moment here.” Happiness is visible on his voice. That's right. Always treasure the moment together with your loved ones. Make it memorable and special.
“Just send my birthday greetings for your cousin. Tell her to always live her life to the fullest. Legality is not all about fun and reaching the age of 18. It's more about being responsible,” I said. Wow. Where are those words coming from? I'm already 19 when I realized I have to live my life to the fullest. When I'm 18 I was more like a trash.
“Noted, Ari. She'll be happy to hear that. I told her a lot of things about you by the way. She find you interesting and said your gorgeous even your name.”
“Really? Well, thanks for telling her some descriptions about me. Did you tell her how stupid I am?” I chuckled. That's not a good question actually.
“Of course not. You're not stupid, c'mon. You just made some mistakes in your decisions but that doesn't define who you are. You will always be the best in my eyes, Ari. Always remember that. Other people might judge you but not me. I will never do that.”
That's a melody to my ears. His words will always leave a mark on my mind. Inspirational, motivating.
“Thank you.” I was stunned that I couldn't furthermore put my thoughts into words. All I can say is thank you. Because after all, I'm beyond thankful.
“Welcome, beautiful. How about the stolen photos I sent you?”
“Oh, that was awesome! I didn't know you're stalking me for a long time. Great, man. That was an effort!” I commented. I saved all the photos from messenger to my gallery for keeps.
“You are worth the effort.”
I can't ask for more. I'm speechless. He's the perfect dream. I can't stop myself but to blush. How lucky, Arianna! He's a blessing.
“Please keep youself safe, Ari. I'm afraid I won't be there to take care of you. We will never know what's ahead of us.” Then all of a sudden, his voice lowered. I can hear the melancholic tone on it.
“What are you talking about?” I softly chuckled, trying to understand what he wanted to point out.
“By the way, I bought a designer mini bag for my cousin. You think she'll like this one? It's a white Gucci bag with a string.”
My eyes gleamed in surprise. “Are you kidding me? No, you're not. Hey man that's a designer bag! Who the hell in this world didn't like Gucci?” Actually there's no need for him to ask. If I were just her cousin, I'm gonna like that gift. Because that is very expensive. There is a lot of penny in there.

“Alright. This will be my gift for her 18th birthday.”