I admit I'm lost without Raven at my side. His death affected me so much.
I don't know how much his family mourned for him. But if I'm losing myself, I'm sure they are too.
“Ari?” Mom knocked on the door. I hesitated to twist the knob but there's nothing I can do. This moment was always meant to happen. Just open it.
“Yeah.” I bow my head. I'm kinda scared for her to see what's under my eyes. I tried to hide my eye bags using the concealer I found in the vanity area but it's not effective.
“Are you ready? We're going to Jesner's residence today. Your dad already informed you last night, I pressume.” I nodded my head as a response. “Can we go now? The car's waiting for us outside the gate.”
I'm wearing the diamond ring he gave to me during my birthday. It was a ring gifted to me at nineteen. It's just sad that I only got the chance to wear it when he's not here anymore to see it.
“Ari, do you hear me?” Mom asked which snapped me back to my senses.
“Oh, sorry. What is it again?” I pretended.
“I'm asking you if you're ready to leave now. The car's waiting for us outside,” mom repeated.
She leaded the way as I followed behind. I don't want to leave the house because I know where going to a very painful place. I want to stop my feet from walking. I want to run away and go back to my room.
I'm already five steps away from our car. I can see dad on the driver's seat. Shaine is in the back seat. I saw her applying cheek tint while looking at her hand mirror. Mom already occupied the passenger seat and they are only waiting for me to get inside.
I gulped.
I don't want to get inside the car. I'm nervous.
“Sweetie, I thought we already talked about this?” mom said, waiting for me to open the door. “Come and accompany Shaine on the back seat. Mr. and Mrs. Jesner are already waiting for us.”
My eyes blinked at her. I shot a I'm-not-yet-ready look to mom and she reciprocated it with a smile. “If not now, then when will you be ready? Ari, we have to face the reality inorder to overcome our fears.”
“Tita's right, Ari. It already happened and there's nothing we can do but to accept the fact,” Shaine seconded. I know she's just hiding her pain by distracting herself on putting make up on her face. She considered Raven as her friend too. In fact, they are more close to each other.
“Let's go, sweetie.” I nodded my head to dad as I slowly walked toward the door. I sat beside my friend and fastened my seat belt.
The way ahead is bumpy. But I care less about it. All I think about is Raven. I know I can't afford to look at his body after he died from a heart surgery. It was indeed heart breaking. Until now, I can't stop myself from crying.
I can't furthermore explain how painful it was. But my heart is wrecked, ripped, shattered. I suddenly lost the appetite to live life knowing how tragic the scenario we're going through right now. In this time of grieve and pain, it's totally okay to be not okay. No one is forcing us to be fine. It's natural and normal for us to cry.
“So this is where they lived?” Shaine asked when our car halted in front of a big house painted in white. The place was so silent. A sign that the people inside are mourning.
“Let's go inside. I'm sure they are already waiting for us to arrive.” Mom got off from the car first. Dad followed and next to him was Shaine until I'm the only one left inside the car.
I mustered all my remaining strength and opened the door. My feet almost glued on the cemented floor when we paced toward the gate. I don't want to walk further. I'm afraid to see what's inside the house.
A tear rolled down on my cheek. I wiped it using my hanky but my eyes continued to pour out more tears until I started to cry again. I felt the pain in my chest, standing in front of their house. I know he's there inside, sleeping, but he's not gonna wake up anymore.
This is the most painful, heartbreaking moment in my life. A moment I didn't see would come.
“It's okay, Ari. We'll get through this.” I suddenly felt a hand on my back. I turned my head to Shaine and gave her a bitter smile. “You hear me? We'll get through this. God will never give us a challenge that we can't overcome. He is preparing our hearts for more heartbreaks but trust me... every cloud has a silver lining.”
I need to trust his plans for us. Our father, if ever you're listening right now, I'm begging you... please bring my friend to a safer place. It was indeed painful but it was always meant to happen.
My heart pumped fast, more fast, the fastest heart beat ever. I shortened my pace, making it slow when we are almost reaching the door of their house.
There's no turning back, Ari. You will never be ready when you always let your fears win. You're scared. Of course, I am. But you need to face the truth. Reality hurts but just like what they said... it's part of life.
He's not just a nobody. He was my dream, my ideal type of guy. The reason of my happiness and all. Without him, I'm lost.
“Sweetie, are you ready?” mom whispered. Her voice lingered on my head, making me ask the same question to myself.
Are you ready, Arianna?
And right now at this moment, I'm not ready to make a single step. I want to run and never come back. Not because I don't want to see him on his last days here on earth. But because I'm scared, super. I want to ride on my car and travel anywhere until the tires went flat. I just want to be at exact nowhere where I can see the mountains, release my pain, and shout all of my fears.
I want to be free.
But the chains won't let go of me.
And there I realized the reason we couldn't avoid the inevitable. Because we are running in circles. No matter how fast we run. No matter how far we go. The reality will still chase us. Yes, we can run away. But we can't escape it. At the end of the day... we kept runnin' back to the circles we are drawned to be.
And as I was in the midst of pulling myself to deep thoughts, I suddenly heard voices around me.
It sounded like a whisper at first until the voices I'm hearing went loud, louder, it became clear to my ears... I covered my mouth as I look around me... the voices were familiar. No. Am I just dreaming? Wake me up, please...
People came out from the door. My forehead creased. They are all in red and they are smiling to me. Weird. I'm starting to doubt this.
What are we doing here? Seems like we have entered the wrong gate. This is not the place I expected us to be. We are here to go to my friend's wake. But the people inside the house... they don't seem to be mourning. No. They looks happy. The grin in their lips are gaving me goosebumps. The people around are not even familiar to me, only the voices I heard earlier.
“M-Mom, what's going on here?” I asked, shaking. But even my mother is smiling at me. I shifted my gaze to dad and Shaine but they only showed the same to me. They... They are smiling.
The six to eight people in the house started to multiply, all are grinning fron ear to ear. I'm scared. I felt the shivers in my skin. I'm not feeling good about this. I want to run away.
My heart jumped in surprise. From the unfamiliar faces I saw earlier, I'm now seeing familiar features. One has a resemblance of my childhood friend, Shan. The other girl on his side look alike to her girlfriend, Marga. The smile on their lips are telling me to run, it's creepy.
Yes, Arianna. This is getting... creepy.
I squinted my eyes. Catching my breath, I take a few steps backward. I was startled. In every step that I take, the people in the house were also stepping forward. They stop when I came into a halt. They move when I move.
“You! All of you! Stay away from me!” I shouted, pointing all of them. I started to cry, heart thudding fast. I can't endure this anymore. They are freaking me out.
“M-Mom, where's Raven? W-What did they do... t-to my friend?” I cried. She only plastered a smile on her lips like she was telling me to not worry. “Answer my question, please! W-where's Ra-Raven?” My voice cracked. I can't do this anymore. I wanna go home.
“This moment was always meant to happen, Ari,” dad spoke. The cold tone in his voice was so ununsual to hear. He's scaring me. I'm kinda creeped out. “Eyes on your right.”
“What?” My forehead creased. I don't understand. I don't get it.
The people inside the house turned their eyes on the right as I remained my attention drawned on the scene before me. They are wearing a big, wide smile. The grin on their lips, the happiness on their faces— W h at t he h e ll i s g o i ng o n?
“Eyes on your right,” Shaine whispered. Her voice was cold too. The cold crept on my neck, it's bothering me. I stared at my trembling palms only to find out that it was sweating bullets.
I turned my head on the guy who have a same resemblance of Shan. He suddenly caught my attention. “Eyes on your right,” he mouthed. The words were clear though he's far from me. He exactly said those. What's with that—
The girl beside him who looks like Marga smiled at me. She is reminding me the same phrase I heard from the others. They kept telling me to turn my eyes on my right side.
I slowly turned my eyes, curious of the scene that all of them were looking there.
I swallowed hard, still moving my eyes.
Is this serious? Why does it seems to be creepy—
My eyes widened.
“KYAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!” I shouted at the top of my lungs. I nearly couldn't stand after I fell on the ground, holding my chest. I almost had a heart attack only if the people around me didn't rushed to give me a glass of water. My heart is beating too fast like it wants to jump out. I WAS SO SHOCK.
What is this person doin' here? Someone was raised from the corpse! I can't believe this is happening right now. I ran out of words to say. My mouth was shut. I can't speak. I was so, so, so, so... surprised.
“Ari...” He walked toward me, wearing a wide smile I always used to see on his lips. How did this happened?
I stiffened. I can't believe what I'm seeing right now. I can only feel my eyes in its round wide shape.
“Yo-You were supposed to be...” I paused and stared at him from head to foot. Tears formed in the corners of my eyes, tempting to fall. “...dead.”
He softly chuckled and shook his head. “No, Ari. This is supposed to be a scripted drama. You fell into my trap.” He wandered his eyes around. “Thank you guys for the assist.”
I shook my head in disbelief. It took me a few blinks of my eyes before it finally sunked in my mind. His death was planned. It was scripted. Raven's alive! It was just— Oh my gosh! I can't believe I got pranked...
“IT'S A PRANK, ARI!” everyone shouted in unison. It rained confetti as I saw Shaine holding a party popper. So everyone in this house are pranking me? I don't know how they agreed about this but I was amused. They even use a very serious set up. It was drop dead realistic. I nearly lost myself because I thought it was true.
My heart's melting in happiness. I heaved a long, deep sigh of relief. I was relieved after finding out that everything was just a prank. This is what I wanted to hear ever since. That all was just part of a joke.
I stared at Raven, ran toward him, and embraced him tight. I miss this guy so much and I was so worried about him. My heart was filled with joy. All I want right now is to thank God that it was just a prank. I don't care how much tears I released just for a joke. I don't care anymore if it was wasted for nothing. All I care about is that he's alive! He's alive, guys! My dream is not gone!
“You, stupid prankster! You lied to me! How dare you, man!” I chuckled and gently threw punches on his chest. I can feel my eyes being wet again. But this time... it was tears of joy. Oh my god. I'm so happy!
“I'm so sorry we have to pull this prank, Ari. I want this day to be very special for the both of us. I love you so much.” He planted a soft kiss on my forehead and tucked my hair on my ear. My imagination turns to reality. He's alive and he is back in being such this sweet to me.
“Don't do this again, please. I can't afford to lose you,” I whispered. I was too shy to let others hear it. Besides, they already witnessed how much I deal with that prank. I even skip meals.
“Copy that, beautiful. But it's so pleasant in the ears, hearing the girl you love the most saying she don't want to lose you. Do you know that I waited years just to hear that? You were so special, Ari.” He then kissed the back of my hand. I feel so... in love. This guy is the dream everyone desires to have.
“Don't die. Please live long, Raven. I still want to see you grow as a responsible man and as good husband to your wife.” I plastered a smile and leaned my head on his shoulder. I want to deeply feel and treasure the moment. I don't want to regret anymore. Blaming myself for being weak and indenial is enough.
“That's not gonna happen, Ari. My heart is healthy. It's just part of the prank that I got a surgery. Truth is, I really attented my cousin's debut.”
He also revealed to me that it was his idea to prank me. He asked help from Shaine and my parents also agreed to his plan though dad was hesitated at first. He got my parents back all throughout the whole prank. Shan and Marga were here. His cousins from New York were also here together with his parents. The whole Jesner family is present! I kinda feel that he really prepared everything for this day.
They are all good actors. Stunning and inpressive, I must say. Their reaction was realistic. The way how they acted, they portrayed it very well. Their comforts, their tears... it was realistic. Their prank was successful. They made me believe that he's dead and we are going to his wake.
Very creative, Raven! Thanks by the way for making me cry. I almost die in pain only to find out that it's just part of your surprise. But I appreciate your efforts though it has something to do with my emotions. Because even at this moment I thought will be the last day I'm gonna see you, you never failed to tell me I'm special. And to that, you are greatly appreciated. To that I'm grateful.
I'm not gonna stand here and watch myself cry. But it's alright because I love the way he lie. Of all the lies and pain, Raven's way of lying is my most favorite. He made me cry but smile at the end.
He was my safest haven. The sanctuary I found in the middle of nowhere.
“I don't want to make this any longer, Ari. I was very straight forward to you. You know exactly that I like you. I made efforts for you that I've never done to others before. And I want you to know that I did all of that not to impress you nor to be the best in your eyes. All I want was for you to be loved.”
I guess this is the moment. This is what I'm waiting for. I'm not gonna squander the oppurtunity anymore. I will confess to him while I still have time.
I just don't want to blame myself again for being weak. I've been in denial for a long time.
“There's something I wanted to tell you, Raven,” I muttered. Shaine nodded her head to me as a go signal. Mom and dad did the same. Now, my decision is final.
“I'm always ready to listen,” Raven replied. Even his voice tells me how sweet he is as a person. Right. He is a very responsible, sweet young gentleman.
“Truth is, I also like you.”
The words which came out from my mouth were not forced. I said that intentionally with all my heart. That was so genuine, so true.
“R-Really?” His eyes blinked. I nodded my head, smiling at him. “Ari, that's good news! I waited for so long to hear that from you. I never expected this day would come. Before, it was just a dream. Now it's reality.” I saw the tears from his eyes to his cheeks. He was so soft. He's crying, dude. My heart...
“I'm not lying, Raven. I do like you...” I paused to wipe his tears away. I cannot talk fluently when he's crying. “I hate you before when we just met each other because you were so annoying and you always ruined my day. But the treatment I showed you after the rejection... that one's for real. I thought we'll stay as friends but little did I know that I was already falling for you.”
The people around us started screaming, so thrilled. Shaine's filming us, bringing Raven's camera, a marshmallow is inserted in between her lips. Others clapped their hands as I can see his parents smiling. I never expected for this moment to happen. This is... lovely.
“It's so overwhelming to hear that from you. But whether you chose to confess or not, you will always be the dream in my life. I will never love again, Ari. It's only you for the rest of my life.” He held both of my hands as he knelt before me. I can't explain the feeling anymore. My heart wants to jump in so much joy.
“You can do it, Raven! Go, cousin! We support your love!” a young slender girl shouted. She's wearing a long floral yellow dress, bringing a white gucci mini bag. If I'm not mistaken it was Raven's present for her gifted at her 18th birthday.
“Don't be shy, son! Remember how thick your face is! You will never be a man if you don't know how to express your feelings!” Mr. Jesner said next making everyone laughed. I love the way how he supported his son. Not all fathers are capable of doing that.
“No more dramas, Ari. I'm gonna tell this straight to you while I still have time. Should it be a yes or no... I will fully respect your decision. What's important is for me to be able to express my love for the second time around.”
I patiently waited for him to drop the words. This time, no more hesitations and doubts. We don't want to regret at the last part, do we? I prepared myself for this day though there's no guarantee for him to ask me that question again. I can't wait.
“Arianna Adisson, can you be my girlfriend?”
That is the most awaited question. He finally said the words and all I have to do is to answer, yes or no. Everybody's waiting for a reply. Their cameras are flashing right now. I shielded my eyes first before I get blinded here. Oh, please. I still want to see his smiles.
My lips formed a sweet curve. “Yes,” I said with full assurance on my voice.
“Y-Yes?” His eyes widened in disbelief, softly rubbing it. He even blinked many times as he can't believe what he just heard.
“You're my dream, Raven. You need to hear it from me that you deserved a yes. So, it's a big yes. I'm finally accepting you as my boyfriend.”
It's official!
I'm so happy right now. This all I want in life... to be loved by the person that I love. I can't ask for more. This is more than enough.
“Thank you,” he mouthed, tears formed in the corners of his eyes. He stood up and leaned closer to me. Closing his eyes, he softly planted a sweet kiss on my hair. He gave me a tight hug, burried his face on my shoulder, and cried.
It was worth the tears. Everyone were emotional while watching the scene before them. They can't stop smiling, holding their cameras. If they are happy them I'm the happiest of them all. I know I'm not alone but feels like I'm the luckiest girlfriend in the world. I finally have someone who will never get tired of loving me. Someone named... Raven Jesner.
I hope everyone will understand why a guy like Raven Jesner is the standard. First, he is always ready to catch you when you fall. He loves you even without chances. And he's willing to love you without asking for any return. There was never been an awkward moment for him. After I rejected him, he continued pursuing me though he was hurting.
And the most attractive part was his efforts. He is the standard mainly because he has a good heart, captivating personality, and a very thoughtful mind. He's not the standard because he's fine looking. He is the freaking standard because he is a man of his words, very loving and caring. The only moment he hurt me was when he pranked me. But like what I said I love the way he lied.
He always have the choice to give up on me before. I was so mean to him. Not just rejection but he was also receiving insults from me at that time. He experience being embarrassed in front of many people because of me. Raven have the rights to give up on me but he chose not to. He stayed even at my worst.
He made a song, exerted efforts to express his love, gifted me a diamond ring. He was there those times I was heart broken. He brought the smile back to my lips. He showed me the importance of acceptance and happiness. And most importantly, he made me fall in love again. He made me realized that love doesn't need to be forced. If you want to be loved, wait for the one who's meant for you.
Raven told me not to beg. The right person will love you without you asking for it. He told me not to force things out. Everything comes in the perfect time so we don't need to rush.
And now, he's officially mine. There's no need for me to stare at his face and imagined he's my guy. No need for me to hide my feelings. Because today... he's already mine.
“Welcome to the family, Arianna. My son told us many things about you when we were together in New York. My impression never gone wrong. You're indeed a sweetheart. I know what you felt for my son is true. And to that, I support the both of you,” Mrs. Jesner said in her welcoming smile. She looks young even at her 40's and gorgeous too.
“Thank you so much, tita. It's my pleasure to meet you.” I reciprocated her smile.
“That's right. Call me tita, sweetheart. Starting on from this day, you are part of the Jesner family.” She winked at me and shifted her gaze on his son. “Oh, boy! Please take care of your girlfriend. I'm just gonna entertain our visitors.”
“Rest assured, mom. Thank you for supporting us!” Raven kissed her cheek before her mother walked away. That was a sweet family, huh? I'm glad they fully accepted me in the circle.
To be fair, my parents was hundred percent agree to my decision. They want Raven for me even before he courted me for the second time around. Mom and dad were so glad and they support us. No worries. We are settled, both side.
“Congratulations, Ari and Raven!” Marga approached us, running in her heels. She really made an effort to support Raven's crazy prank. Next to her was Shan who was also happy for the two of us. He didn't say anything but I can read the happiness on his eyes. He's my childhood friend and I can sometimes read his expression based on the way how he look at me.
We thanked the lovely couple for showing their support. They even went here in the Jesner's residence just to support their surprise to me. But before they walked away, I was able to thanked Marga for the pair of Christian Louboutin heels she gave me.
Mom and dad also congratulate us togther with Raven's whole family. His cousins, including his parents were so good to me. They appreciated me and even thanked me for not failing their beloved Raven. They were all out support for our new relationship.
“Oh my god, Ari! I'm very much happy for you! Told you, Raven-Ari is the perfect match!” Shaine said in a bubbly tone, twirling her hair. She was the first one to believe on her own shipment. Our dear match maker. I know she's not lying when she said that she was beyond happy for us. Her support was genuine right from the start.
This is only my first time having a serious relationship with someone. I know nothing about being a girlfriend but as long as Raven's on my side I will always be inspired and guided.
As promised, I'm not gonna be a toxic girlfriend. This is all I know but with Raven's presence I'm sure I can still be the best of my very best. Together, we'll help each other grow, and strengthen our love for each other.
There is no guarantee that we are already meant forever. Along the way, there might be some misunderstandings and arguments. That is normal and expected in a relationship. And besides, we just started our love story.
But one thing I'm sure about was that he's my dream. He is my ideal type of guy. He is not perfect but he's the best in my eyes. He wasn't the first guy to caught my heart, but he's my end game.
“You were the dream I always wanted to chase, Ari. If it's for you, I will never be exhausted. My heart was all yours. It was you, it's always gonna be you.”
I smiled. A smile gleamed with happiness and love. He supported my waist and pulled me close to his side. I feel so safe in his arms, love, and cared.
“I love you, Raven,” I whispered into his ear and kissed his forehead. Right now at this moment, my heart were filled with joy and satisfaction.
The camera flashed. We took our pose. Great of all great. This moment will going to be memorable. All smiles for the love birds. Basically, all smiles for me and Raven.
Our ship has finally sailed.
By saying yes to him... I have pursued the dream of my life.
By following what my heart desires... I have chased my dream.
To Raven Jesner, you're the dream.