The look on her face shows that she couldn't believe what's happening in front of her, she couldn't believe her eyes or herself, maybe it's new for her seeing me pushing her away, but, she better get used to it, I don't need anymore negativity in my life or something that will jeopardize Rose's feeling for me, she better back off.
“ Are you trying to push me away Ben?, Because it feels like it.......”.
     I have this urge to say yes directly at her face, but I have never been the one to cause someone emotional pain because I know how it feels, okay, I think I have caused my late mom quite a lot of emotional pains and I regret that, people shouldn't feel that way, even if Deborah doesn't deserve it, my protection, that doesn't mean that I should just stab her with my words right into her heart.
“ Both of us know that you don't normally come close to me this days, so without trying to waste a lot of your time, I just redirected you to someone you are probably or definitely going to ask me about....... Incase he's actually the one you are here for, I have informed you of where you can find him ”.
Her eyes were just buzzing in mine, from left to right and from right to left, had definitely put her in thought, right at the spot I want her to be in. I don't have to continue sharing this look with her incase she happens to think that my actions was to put up a challenge for her in instead of driving her away.
“ So much for your girlfriend out there, she's already hanging out with more attractive guys like Joe, very soon both of us knew what's going to happen ”.
What is she talking about?, I turned around to where Rose was sitting and saw him standing right in front of her, hand in hers as if they just had a hand shake but then, he isn't letting go, her friends around her were kind of giggling and Joe too had this comfortable smile on his face. Anger began creeping in inside my head, what if I am right after all?, Why should this be happening right in front of Deborah?. I turned to her with a bold face, trying to hide the heat, the lava burning right inside me.
“ And how does that concern you?”.
She was struck by surprise, the smile creeping inside her lips disappeared for a moment but she backed it up already, trying to hide her expression, just like I am doing right now.
“ Stop the act Benny..... I have known you for years, you know you can't lie to me, your eyes are already giving you away ”.
If only I can take that smile of hers off her lips, throw it on the floor and stamp on it with my feet. She can't win, I can't allow her to win, Deborah has never cared about me, how much so can she know that I am lying through the look in my eyes, she's just playing the manipulative game and giving her access through me shows that I have lost all control, it means defeat, one that would stuck forever.
“ Are you okay?......”.
I tried not to stutter with my words, giving her this confused look like I am lost and confused with her words, I don't understand her. I can see her smile fading away slowly, not returning back like before and I pray it continue to reduce that way, if she happen to make a comeback, then, she's definitely going to take the lead because I have held a lot inside, any other will make me explode, every emotion showering down on her face.
“ I think this is not a good time Benny.....see you later ”.
She walks off.
     She's no longer there, her friends were still sitting in the same position but neither her nor Joe was anywhere to be found, how could Deborah had distracted me so much?, Did Rose left with him?, Did she really find Joe more attractive like Deborah said?, What if I am just a tool to be played with all along?. Rose was too beautiful and attractive to be mine, I guess I can never be in her level, every guys will definitely be coming for her, what's she going to be doing with a boy like Ben anyway?. I should head home, I can't go to the basketball training with this bad mood, what am I even going to do there with top guys like that?, Maybe they are even making a mockery of me all along, Maybe I am not worth the struggle.